Daughters
by WriteChristineR
Summary: How did you destroy a man's entire life? Erase everything he'd thought he'd known? It couldn't be easy to have some of your most basic assumptions about your life thrown into question. AU. Alexis comes to Beckett with some interesting news.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Castle. I don't own any of the characters. I just like to play with them and sometimes torture them a bit. That's what we fanfiction authors do. So don't sue me. Kapische? Is that even how you spell kapische? Is there even a real way to spell that word? Is it even a real word? Well, I'm a writer. Surely I have a bit of latitude to use made-up words that I didn't even make up and invent creative ways to spell them.

**Author's Note**: Every time I start a new story, I like to give you a little bit of background about how and why I started it... just because it's what I do. So read it if you want, or skip ahead to the chapter itself if you don't want. It's entirely up to you. But before I launch into that, I guess I should give you some context. This is set pretty much where we are now, somewhere in the middle of season 4. But it gets rather AU, so the timeline isn't going to be super important. But as it relates to Castle and Beckett's relationship, figure it's like it is now. They obviously care about each other, but they haven't done anything about it yet.

Now, let the rambling begin.

I started this story... probably about a month ago, maybe a little more, one day at the end of last semester when I probably should've been more concentrated on schoolwork than fanfiction. I don't have any idea where I got the idea. If I ever knew, I don't remember. I think it was just a little plot bunny that crawled out of some dark and distant corner of my brain. So I started writing it. I really didn't expect for it to be any good. I didn't think that I'd EVER end up posting it here. I have a fair amount of fairly short documents stored in my hard drive where I've started and stopped writing stories coming from bizarre ideas that no one but me will ever see. I expected this to be another one of those. But then something weird happened. It pulled me in. And when I say it pulled me in... I mean I pretty much worked on it nonstop for two days straight. When I wasn't actually writing I was thinking about the plot and the characters, and I actually wrote a few scenes and snippets during classes because I just couldn't stop. The next thing I knew, the story that I hadn't thought was going to turn into anything was more than 10,000 words long, and still not nearly done. Now, let's just be honest. When you spend that kind of time developing a story and it gets that long, you tend to get kind of attached to it, whether it's any good or not. I think by the end of the second day, I was pretty sure that the story that wasn't supposed to ever see the light of day... was eventually going to see the light of day. My thought was that if it had pulled me in so completely as I wrote it, it might do the same for other people as they read it.

Since then, I've worked on this story more, and stopped working on it for fairly long stretches of time, and then started working on it again. I've edited the first chapter more times than I care to remember, and I'm a lot more confident with it now than I was when I first wrote it. To be perfectly honest, I can't remember the last time I've been this nervous to post a new story. Maybe you'll see why when you start reading. Maybe you won't. Maybe I'm just being overly paranoid about nothing. I guess, mainly... this just gets more dramatic than I normally write, and I'm a little afraid that it's too much.

I don't want to give anything away, so I'll save further clarifications that I want to make for after the chapter. So, um... *holds breath* ...enjoy!

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><p>Beckett could hardly remember the last time she'd had a whole day to herself. Since the summer, when she'd had entirely too much time alone, she hadn't been especially keen on the idea. Even when she had days off work lately, she usually made plans with friends or ran errands or did <em>something<em> that wasn't just sitting. But today, a cold and rainy Sunday, nothing sounded better than lounging in the calm silence of her apartment.

But after a long bath, two cups of coffee and half of a novel, she felt herself growing restless. She checked the time, and saw that it was just after one. She briefly thought about calling Lanie to see if she wanted to meet somewhere for lunch, but then she heard the doorbell and felt something release inside of her. Exactly the kind of distraction from her alone time that she'd been hoping for.

Every time her doorbell rang unexpectedly, she expected it to be Castle. She never would have told him this, but it had become true. No one else ever just dropped by to visit her without calling first. So out of habit, she stopped by the nearest mirror on her way to the door and adjusted her hair.

She was ready with a quip about how he couldn't get through a day without seeing her when she opened the door, but when she saw who it really was the comment froze on her lips. Her visitor was technically a Castle, but not the one she'd been expecting. More surprising still was the girl's appearance. She was visibly shaken, even trembling slightly as she stood in the doorway, and her eyes were red as if she'd been crying. "Hi," she said sheepishly.

"Alexis," Kate greeted the girl, poorly masking her shock. This was certainly a diversion, but it surely wasn't the kind she'd been hoping for. Her instinct told her to let the girl inside first and ask questions later, so she stepped away from the door. "Come inside." She closed the door behind Alexis and led the way to the couch, where she sat down on one side and Alexis took the other, squished up against the armrest in order to leave as much space between them as possible. Then she started with the questions, unable to hold herself back any longer. "What's up? You okay? Your dad, is he okay?" She realized she was jumping to conclusions here, but Alexis's father was really the only obvious tie between them.

Alexis faltered. "I, um…" she sighed. "Yeah, he's fine. He doesn't know I'm here."

"Did you have a fight?" Kate guessed. Her mind was running at hyper speed now, making up dozens of reasons why Alexis might have shown up at her doorstep. She verbalized the one that a millisecond's consideration told her made the most sense.

She shook her head. "I haven't even seen him since this morning."

Kate frowned, completely unable to put together any sort of a story that made sense. For one fleeting moment she wished Castle were here to help fill in the blanks. She remembered that he had a book signing today, but she guessed that Alexis had another reason for coming to her instead of going to her father with whatever her problem was. Even if he was busy, the Castle she knew would never put his career before his daughter. If Alexis needed him, he would promptly drop whatever he was doing, no matter how important. "Okay, I'm sorry, but why are you here?" Kate asked. "How… how did you even know where I live?"

"Oh." Alexis blushed. "My dad. Or…" she swallowed, considering something, but then nodded. "Yeah. My dad. He makes me keep a list of places I should go if there was ever some kind of emergency… like if anything happened to him or to me, or if I couldn't get home for some reason, and you're on it. Right at the top, actually. This isn't exactly an emergency, I just… I just really need someone to talk to who isn't a part of my family."

She nodded. "Well, you're welcome here, I'm just confused."

"My mom called me today."

Kate frowned, wondering why Alexis was telling her this. She wasn't exactly Meredith's biggest fan. "Is that unusual?" she asked.

"Well, yeah… I mean, we talk sometimes, but I'm usually the one to call her… but that's not really the point."

"Okay." She sat patiently, waiting for the teenager to get to whatever the point was.

"She called me and she said… that she had to tell me something. Something that I needed to know, and since I'm eighteen now she thought it was time."

Kate nodded. "Okay?" she coaxed. "What did she tell you?"

"She told me…" Alexis swallowed, fighting back a fresh wave of tears. "She told me that my dad… isn't really my dad."

Kate felt her face and her mind go completely blank. "What?"

"She said that… when she got pregnant, she was dating my dad, but she was seeing another guy… at the same time. And she wasn't really sure who the father was, so she told my… dad… that it was him, because she knew that he would marry her."

"But that doesn't mean—"

Alexis kept talking, so determined to finish that she cut Kate off, although her voice was shaking. "They got married, but then after I was born she got a paternity test done, just for her own information. She never told anyone about it. But she found out that the man she married… Richard Castle… wasn't my father. It was the other guy. I don't know his name. But he was already married, had a family… he had something to do with a movie my mom was working on at the time, and it was just a fling. Just one night. She said that she never told him because she didn't want to ruin his life, and hers… and mine. She said that he wasn't the sort of person to accept responsibility for his actions. And she knew that she'd never be able to raise a child by herself, so she married… my dad. Or… I thought he was my dad. She tried to make it work for awhile, but then… her attention span has never been very good… and I guess she just couldn't hang in any longer, so she left, divorced him, and let him basically raise me by himself, going under the assumption that he was my father." She closed her eyes, tears pouring out of them. "He never doubted it," she managed to choke out. "He never even knew there was another guy. He just thought… that I was his daughter, and it was his responsibility to raise me. We're not even related."

Alexis dissolved into full-fledged sobs then, and Kate found that she couldn't take it. Without even knowing what she was doing, she moved down the couch toward Alexis and wrapped her arms around her. "Sh-sh-shh," she whispered, hugging the girl close. The girl who she didn't know that well, but whose whole world had just crumbled at her feet. "It's okay," she murmured automatically, but it wasn't, and she knew that, so she amended. "It'll be okay."

"It isn't," Alexis sobbed into Kate's shoulder. "Everything that I ever believed, my whole life, is a lie. How could it ever be okay?"

She sighed, but she didn't say anything more. She just held Alexis tightly and tried to let the news sink in. It didn't seem real, didn't seem like it could possibly be real. Was it even remotely possible that this girl in her arms, the daughter of one of her best friends, wasn't really his daughter at all? She didn't even want to entertain that thought. It would kill him.

"Are you sure about all of this?" Beckett asked, pulling away a little, but still sitting right at the girl's side.

"All I know is what she told me about an hour ago. But why would she make that up? She might be crazy, but she's not that sadistic."

Kate shook her head. "I don't think she's making it up, I'm just hoping that maybe she's wrong. Who else knows?"

"No one. You're the first person I've told."

"None of your friends?"

Alexis met her eyes. "Just you."

She sighed and nodded. "Good. I'm glad you came to me." She let her hand rest on the girl's forearm, trying to be a little comforting. She _was_ glad Alexis had come to her before she'd told anyone else, she just wasn't sure _why_ she'd chosen her. She'd almost never even talked to her without her dad there, and most of what Kate knew about Alexis was a result of something Castle had told her. Surely there were people Alexis was closer to.

"I just… I couldn't tell my dad, and I couldn't tell my grandma. I don't… even want to talk to my mom. _Ever_ again. And I thought that maybe… you'd know what to do. Because I have no clue." She sighed. "I'm sorry for dumping this on you, I know it's a lot… but I didn't know who else…"

"It's okay," she assured the girl. "I want to help. Really." She tried to give her a comforting smile. "So your dad doesn't know anything about this?"

"Which one?" she asked darkly.

"Your _dad_, Alexis. The one who raised you for eighteen years, and who loves you more than anything in the entire world. No matter what happens, he's always gonna be your dad."

"Even if he never was?"

"No matter what happens," she repeated firmly.

"No, he doesn't know anything."

"You're sure?"

"Positive."

"What do you think are the chances of your mom telling him?"

She shrugged. "I don't know, not good. They don't usually talk. And if she never told him for eighteen years, I'm not sure why she would now."

Kate nodded. Alexis had a point there.

"Are you going to tell him?" the teenager asked shyly.

She sighed. "If this is true, then he needs to know. But I don't have any intention of telling him until we know for sure. We'll do our own paternity test. All we'll need is some of your DNA and some of your dad's. That shouldn't be hard, I'll just steal his coffee cup tomorrow morning. I can get Dr. Parish to run it for me. She'll do it without asking details if I push her hard enough."

"Thank you. So much. You have no idea."

"It's no big deal, Alexis."

"No, it is. It's a really big deal." She sniffled and managed a tiny smile.

"Well, I'm happy to help."

"What if… what if it's true?" the teenager asked, her smile quickly fading to a distressed grimace. "What my mom said? What if he's _not_ my real dad?"

Kate didn't want to think about that now. Didn't want to think about it at all. "We'll cross that bridge if we come to it."

"Will you tell him?" Alexis asked, so softly that it was barely audible. "I don't know if I can."

She nodded, although she felt tears sting at the corners of her own eyes at the mere thought. "If it does come to that, and you want me to, I will tell him. Or we can tell him together. I'll leave it up to you."

Alexis nodded. "Maybe it isn't true."

"Maybe." Kate swallowed the lump that had started to form in her throat. This was real, and it could be bad, but she had to be the one to hold it together. "I'm really the only one you've told about any of this?" she asked Alexis again, a different tone in her voice. She wasn't looking to gather information now, she was just trying to take in the situation. All of it.

Alexis nodded.

"What were you doing when your mom called?" She'd officially switched to detective mode now. So much for having the day off.

"Studying. Dad's at his book signing, Gram's… I don't know, somewhere. I was the only one home."

"So, after she told you, you…?"

She sighed. "Yelled at her, hung up, and then just kind of sat there stunned for awhile. When it all started to sink in… I cried, and then I came here."

Kate let her professional barriers drop again. This was Alexis. Rick's daughter. And she wasn't at work. "God, I'm so sorry, sweetie. You really don't deserve this. But I am glad you came to me. I don't want you to think you have to go through this all by yourself. Okay? I'm here, whatever you need."

She nodded.

"You have my cell phone number?"

She nodded. "My dad gave it to me."

"Do I have yours?"

She shrugged and got out her phone. "I'll text you."

Within a minute Kate's phone made a noise, and she looked to find that she had a text from an unknown number. "It's Alexis," it said simply. She added the number to her contacts. "I have it now," she said.

"I should probably go. I'm sure you're busy. I've messed up your day enough."

"No, please." She put her hand in front of the girl to stop her from getting up. "Stay as long as you'd like. It's my day off and I wasn't doing much anyway, and you shouldn't have to be alone." She knew she was going to be thinking about Alexis all day now anyway, and having her there made her feel a little more comfortable, like she was helping somehow, even if she wasn't.

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. Come here." She leaned back into the couch and put her arm around the still-crying Alexis. "We'll figure it out. It's gonna be okay. So many people love you and care about you. None of that's going to change."

"But what if my family finds out they're not really my family?" she choked.

"Your dad and your grandma are always gonna be your dad and your grandma, biological or not. Okay?"

She nodded. "You're sure?"

"I'm _positive_. No one in the world has ever loved anything as much as your dad loves you. And your grandma too, I'm sure. That's not just gonna go away."

"This is gonna kill him," she said softly, turning to meet Beckett's eyes. "Isn't it?"

She looked down, giving Alexis her answer without words. "It'll be okay," she said again, not sure whether she was trying to convince Alexis or herself.

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><p><strong>AN: **Now do you see what I mean about it being dramatic?

Okay, one thing I really feel like I need to touch on, because I think I took a few liberties here. Obviously we don't know much about what Rick's relationship with Meredith was like before Alexis appeared on the scene. I have no idea whether Meredith got pregnant with Alexis before or after they got married. In the context of this story, it was before. If I'm missing something, or we find out at some later date that it was after, then just consider that to be part of the AU-ness of this story.

I know that I left you on a cliffhanger with where this chapter ended. I have a feeling this is going to be that kind of a story. Hell, who am I kidding? I know for a FACT that this is going to be that kind of a story. :P But I'm a little bit sadistic in that, when it comes to my own writing, I love cliffhangers. But I am willing to promise you that, at least for awhile, I won't leave you on a cliffhanger for more than a couple of days. Because I've already written the first few chapters of this. That isn't to say that anything is set in stone, there's still plenty of room for editing, but that should speed up the updating process considerably.

So, because this is a new story and because I'm still a little bit terrified about the whole concept behind it, your feedback is more important than ever. What do you think? Good? Bad? Too much? Just enough? Should I post the next chapter with all deliberate speed, or should I just delete the whole thing and pretend it never happened?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** So, you're all amazing. Just so you know. Thanks so much for all the reviews! I will definitely be continuing this. As you've probably surmised by the fact that there's a second chapter now. I'm glad you like my crazy idea! :P

I know this chapter's a little on the short side, but no matter how much I tweak it, it doesn't seem to want to get much longer. So, it is what it is. Hope you like it. :)

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><p>Castle sighed heavily as he took his usual seat beside her desk the next day. Kate felt her heart rate increase just a little. This was not going to be an easy day to get through.<p>

"What's up?" she asked him, trying to keep her tone light. She was certain he hadn't figured out Alexis's secret. It wasn't something he'd be able to guess, even with his imagination, and if Alexis had told him she doubted he'd even have been here.

"I don't know." She made a quick study of his face and determined that this was his frustrated look. "Something's going on with Alexis and she won't tell me what."

"How do you know?"

"She's my daughter. I know. She was being distant with me this morning, and it didn't look like she'd slept very well."

"It's probably nothing." She got up from her desk and started toward the break room. She hadn't gotten much sleep herself the previous night, and coffee was a surefire way to correct that. Fortunately Castle was caught up in his own concerns and didn't seem to notice.

"It's _not_ nothing," he insisted, following her. "If it's something she feels like she has to keep from me, it must be something important. I don't know why she can't just tell me. She tells me everything."

"She doesn't tell you everything," Beckett reminded him as she filled two coffee cups. "If she did, I wouldn't get to listen to you whine every time she kept something from you."

He pondered this for a moment. "I do that, don't I?"

She nodded and handed him the coffee, smiling. She was doing quite well with the poker face this morning. It might actually work. "And it almost always turns out that you're completely freaked out over nothing. So chill. I'm sure she's fine." She felt a little guilty for even saying that, partly because she'd been a little too convincing. Surely she was the worst friend in the world for even telling him this when she knew the truth. When he did find out, if what Alexis's mother had told her was true, he'd be completely caught off guard.

But she reminded herself that what Meredith had said might not have been true, and in that case there was no reason to upset him. Still, that didn't account for the gnawing feeling in her gut.

"I'm not 'freaked out,'" he insisted, interrupting her thoughts. "That makes me sounds so un-manly."

She quirked an eyebrow at him. _Worst friend ever_, her mind told her. But she focused on holding her expression in that slightly mocking grin, and she managed it. If there was one thing she was accomplished at, it was not letting her feelings break through the surface.

He rolled his eyes. "Just give me the coffee."

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><p>Later that day she managed to leave Castle with Ryan and Esposito, and headed into the morgue with his coffee cup and the cheek swab Alexis had taken before she'd left her apartment the day before.<p>

"Hey," she greeted Lanie when she spotted her. "Can you run paternity on these for me?"

"Ooh, juicy," the M.E. replied, taking the items with a grin. "What's the story?"

She rolled her eyes. Castle really had rubbed off on every single person around here. "No story, just do it."

"What's it, a top secret case or something?"

She shrugged. "Yeah, something like that."

Lanie studied the objects she was now holding. "You got a Q-tip and a coffee cup. Looks like one person knew what you were doing and the other didn't."

Beckett rolled her eyes impatiently. "Just do the test and let me know. And do it soon." She felt her resolve starting to slip a little. She'd had to act all day with Castle, and frankly it was exhausting. She didn't really want to have to pretend in front of Lanie too, but she didn't have a choice. It wasn't her business to tell.

"I'll have it for you before the end of the day," Lanie said, sensing her seriousness and frowning.

"Perfect."

"You okay, honey?"

"Yeah, I'm great." She forced a smile. "Quick as you can, okay?"

Lanie nodded, an annoying amount of concern showing on her face. But she didn't push, and Kate was thankful for that. "You got it," she said.

She let her eyes slide closed for an instant as she left the morgue. Her job had always been real to her. She'd always understood that the victims and their families had their own lives, and everything she did on the job affected them directly. It was a concept she had a very thorough grasp on, maybe more so than any other cop, and one that had an impact on everything she did every single day. But even given this, occasionally she got a case that threw her. One that she connected to on a more personal level, whether it reminded her of her mom's case, her own shooting, or something else in her life.

But none of that, no previous experience that she'd ever had, accounted for the way she felt now. Regardless of what she'd allowed Lanie to believe, this wasn't about a case at all. Looking at it logically, it wasn't about anything that should directly affect her. But the complete and total lack of ease she felt seemed to have other opinions. Case or not, the results of that test would forever impact the lives of two people who she knew personally. Two people who she cared about. And it would impact them in a huge way.

She texted Alexis on the way back up the elevator to Homicide. "Test is running," she typed. "I should have the results later today. Come to my place around 7? We'll get takeout." Whatever the results turned out to be, she really didn't want to share them with Alexis over the phone.

She'd reached her desk by the time she got a text back. "Sounds like a plan, see you tonight," it read.

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><p>It was nearing the end of the day and Lanie still hadn't called with the results. She was sitting at her desk trying to at least look like she was focused on the case they were working, but every thirty seconds or so she glanced at her phone, hoping it would light up.<p>

She should've realized this wouldn't go unnoticed. "What's with you and your phone today?" Castle asked.

"Oh, nothing," she said, just a little too quickly. "I'm just… waiting for some information."

"What kind of information?"

"Just… information."

He sighed. "Come on, first Alexis and now you? When did I get so out of the loop?"

"I guess we just like to torture you," she joked, although she suspected that her tone wasn't as light as she'd meant for it to be. Although he hadn't exactly connected her vagueness to Alexis's, he'd come a little closer to doing so than made her comfortable.

"And you're both way too good at it," he murmured.

She was about to attempt some kind of quip back at him, but then her phone finally rang, and the caller I.D. told her that it was Lanie. "Finally," she muttered under her breath before picking it up. "Hey," she answered, "what'd you find?"

"It's negative," the M.E. said.

She let out a steady stream of air but kept her face expressionless. It was true. Meredith had been right. Castle was not Alexis's father. And he had no idea. He was right there, right beside her, watching her get the information that could change his life forever, and yet he had no idea it was about him. No one did. No one but her.

"That coffee cup," Lanie said, "I've seen it before. It looks like one of the ones you guys keep in your break room."

"Really?" she asked, careful to keep her voice even.

"It's Castle's, isn't it?"

Lanie was catching on, but she didn't respond. The M.E. wasn't really involved in this, and she didn't want her to get involved in it. And besides that, she wasn't at all confident that she could make any sort of reply without betraying some sort of emotion to Castle, who she was keenly aware was still watching her closely.

"And he's there with you, so you can't say anything," Lanie surmised.

"Could be."

"Sweetie, I don't know what's going on, but if you want to talk about anything I'm here, okay?"

"Yeah," she said. "Thanks." She hung up.

She must've been visibly shaken, as hard as she was trying not to be, because Castle frowned at her as she slipped her phone into her pocket. "You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," she sighed. "I'm fine."

"Who were you talking to?"

"Lanie."

"About the case?"

"No." She stood up and made for the murder board, hoping to focus both herself and Castle on someone else's problems. "Come on," she told him.

"Wait."

Her stomach lurched, but she met his eyes, willing him not to ask. She hated lying to him, but she couldn't tell him now. Not here. And not before she talked to Alexis.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.

She nodded, aware that he knew her too well to believe her, but hoping that he'd understand that he shouldn't ask again.

He didn't look satisfied, but he gave her a small nod and led the way to the murder board.

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><p><strong>AN: **Questions? Comments? Critiques? Reactions? Random musings? My review box accepts all of the above. And anything else you want to put in there. :) Preferably story-related.


	3. Chapter 3

Kate's heart jumped a little when she heard the doorbell. Since her takeout had already arrived, it could only mean one thing. Alexis was here. She was going to have to tell her, give her the news that could change the course of the rest of her life. That wasn't exactly different from what she did for a living, part of that being making those calls that changed everything, and yet somehow it felt different. More personal. She'd never been one to feel disconnected from the families of her victims, but this was an entirely different kind of connection.

She understood how Alexis must've felt the day before, shouldering the whole burden of the information by herself. It was a kind of power she hadn't asked to hold, but that she'd been granted nonetheless. Briefly, she'd considered lying to Alexis. Telling her that the test had come back positive. That her mother must've been mistaken. That nothing was going to change. She imagined the scene. Alexis would be overcome with joy and relief. They'd laugh and hug, and Castle would never have to know. Everything would be fine. But then for the rest of her life she'd have to live with the knowledge that she'd lied. Every time Castle mentioned his daughter, she would know the truth that he did not. She couldn't do it. They had to know. Both of them had to know.

She opened the door and smiled at Alexis. She looked tired, but not as upset as she'd been the day before. At least, not yet. "Did you get the results?" she asked before she said anything else.

Beckett let her in and closed the door behind her. "Yeah."

"Tell me."

"Now?" She gestured to the coffee table, where she'd laid out the Chinese food that she'd ordered. "You don't want to eat first?" She imagined that Alexis wouldn't have much of an appetite after she gave her the results of the test. But at the same time, she didn't really want to go through the whole meal holding the results over Alexis's head.

The teenager shook her head. "Now."

She wasn't going to argue. She wordlessly took the printout she'd picked up from Lanie off of an end table and showed it to Alexis, although most of it didn't mean much to either of them. She pointed at the bottom of the page. The important part. The final result. _Negative_, it read, in bold black type. "I'm sorry, Alexis," she said. She looked up from the chart and into Alexis's eyes. "He's not your biological father."

Alexis closed her eyes for much longer than a blink, and nodded. "I guess…" she murmured, her voice shaking slightly, "…that's what I expected."

When the girl opened her eyes again they were dry, but Kate could tell that expectation hadn't made the news any less painful. "What can I do?" she asked after a beat.

"Just help me… figure out what to do next."

Kate nodded. "Okay." She started toward the couch. "Come on. Let's eat some of this."

"I'm not very hungry," Alexis argued.

"To tell you the truth, neither am I, but we've both got to eat something." She sat down on the couch, and Alexis sat down next to her. She spooned some of the food onto two plates and gave Alexis one. "So where'd you tell your dad you were going tonight?" she asked, keeping her tone light.

"A friend's house."

"Good." She gave the girl a small smile. "So you didn't lie."

"I guess… not exactly."

"Not at all."

Alexis pushed her food around her plate a little with her fork. "I really don't know how I'd do this without you, Detective," she sighed.

"Kate," she corrected her. "Call me Kate. And it's really no problem."

"But this doesn't have anything to do with you, and you're being so nice. You barely know me."

"I probably know more about you than you think I do. You know, your dad is one of my best friends, and he talks about you all the time."

"So you're doing this for him?"

She shrugged. "Yeah, partly. And for you. Like I told you yesterday, you shouldn't have to go through this alone."

"I can't thank you enough. Really."

"Don't worry about it." She nodded at the food. "Eat."

She did, but when almost all of her food was gone she put the plate down and looked at Kate. "He has to know, right? We can't just… keep this to ourselves?"

Kate put her plate down as well. She'd been ready for this question, not because she'd known Alexis would ask it, but because she'd thought of it herself. "You can't un-hear what your mom told you, and you can't un-see the results of that test," she said gently. "You're always going to have that knowledge. So you tell me. Could you live with your dad not knowing?"

Slowly, she shook her head. "No. I guess not. But then…" She paused, turning something in her head. "Isn't that selfish? To tell him just to make myself feel better?"

Beckett thought about that for a long moment before she responded. Alexis really was a smart girl. She never would've thought of that. "I guess you could look at it that way," she said. "Or you could look at it like… he deserves to know the truth."

She nodded, looking at the floor. "So… we have to tell him."

"I think so."

"How?"

That was a loaded question. How did you destroy a man's entire life? Erase everything he'd thought he'd known? While he'd had a life before his daughter, she was now his world. And it wasn't as if that was going to change, exactly… but it couldn't be easy to have some of your most basic assumptions about your life thrown into question. "What do you think would be best?" she finally asked. "You know him better than I do."

She shrugged. "I don't know if that's true."

"Of course it is. You've lived with him your whole life. I've just worked with him for a couple years."

"You more than work with him. You're the one who said he's one of your best friends."

Kate smiled, realizing that neither of them wanted to take the responsibility for figuring this out. "Maybe we should work together," she suggested. "We both know him differently."

"Can't you just tell him?" Alexis asked, her eyes pleading.

"I will," she said somberly, "if that's what you think is best."

"I do. I mean… that's part of your job, isn't it? Giving people bad news? Life-changing news?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "Not one of my favorite parts, but someone has to do it."

"And my dad says you're really good at it. Better than any of the other cops. I believe that."

"Okay," she sighed. "I'll tell him. But you should be there."

"No," Alexis said firmly. "I don't want to be. I don't want to… see how he reacts when he finds out. And I don't want him to think that because I'm there he has to react differently. I'd rather just take myself out of the equation."

Kate sighed. "You can't take yourself out of the equation, it's about you. The whole thing is about you."

"I can't be there," she repeated. "I'll go to a friend's house or something. For real this time."

"You have to be there, Alexis."

"Why?"

"Because if I know your dad, as soon as I tell him, he's gonna want to see you. He's gonna want to look at you and talk to you and make sure you're okay. He's gonna want to hug you and tell you that he loves you, no matter what."

"What if he doesn't? What if when he realizes I'm the bastard offspring of some other guy that he's never even met and probably wouldn't like, some guy my mom cheated on him with, he doesn't even want to look at me anymore?" Alexis's voice rose with every word, and by the time she finished tears had formed at the corners of her eyes.

"He won't," Kate assured her.

"How do you know?"

"Because I know him, and there's nothing I know about him that leads me to believe he'd react that way. You're his whole life. You're his daughter. He loves you. And you turned out to be the amazing person that you are because of him and the way he raised you. Not because of genetics. He knows that, and you know it too."

"Why do you care so much?" the girl asked softly.

"I already told you that." She didn't understand why Alexis was having so much trouble grasping the idea that she actually wanted to help.

"No you didn't. You told me why you were doing this, not why you care."

"I care," she blurted, a little frustrated, "because I do. I love you, and I love your dad, and neither one of you deserves any of this. And because you came to me and you asked me for help. I'm in this now. I'm part of it. I wish you would stop acting like I'm just a bystander, because I'm not. I barely slept last night because I was thinking about you guys. It concerns me. Directly. I care."

Alexis shifted, looking guilty. "I didn't mean for you to get this involved."

She shrugged. "Well, it doesn't really matter, because I am." She forced her voice to soften. "But I don't want you to feel bad about it. I'm happy to help. And, look. I don't know if this is comforting or not, but I've never been related to you. So this, here?" She pointed to herself and to Alexis. "No matter what changes in your life, it won't. I'll be here for you every step of the way for as long as you want me to be. No matter what."

"No matter what?" she repeated.

"No matter what."

"Eve if my dad completely disowns me?"

She fought the urge to roll her eyes. She knew Alexis was hurting, but she was also being completely irrational. "He won't."

"But if he does?"

"I'm still here."

"That… actually means a lot." Alexis looked away, and when Kate finally managed to meet her eyes again they were tear-filled.

She didn't know when she'd become so attached to Alexis, but she could actually feel the girl's tears start to pull at her own throat. "Everything's gonna be okay," she whispered, assuring her for what felt like the millionth time.

"Everything is going to change," Alexis murmured.

"Maybe. But change doesn't have to be bad."

"I don't want to hurt him," she said. "You're right, he's given me everything. And this is going to hurt him. A lot."

"Yeah," Kate said, never having been one for sugar-coating, "you're right. It is gonna hurt him. But it's not your fault, and he'll realize that. If he doesn't figure it out on his own, I'll tell him. If he needs to be mad at someone he can be mad at me, not you."

"Not you either." Alexis frowned. "You're just the messenger, and you're being so nice."

"Well, then maybe we can back each other up, I'm just saying, none of this is your fault."

She nodded.

"So here's what we'll do. I'll come over to your house. You'll be there, but you can stay in your room if that's what you want. It'll probably be better if your grandma isn't around. We'll just tell your dad for now. I'll tell him everything that you told me, and I'll show him the test results that we took. Then I can almost guarantee that he'll want to talk to you, but we can take it as it comes. Sound good?"

She shrugged. "No, but it sounds okay."

"Is there anything you can think of that would make it better?"

"No."

"Then it's as good as we can do, isn't it?"

She nodded. "When?"

"That's up to you, but I'd really prefer it to be as soon as possible. He knows you have something going on that you're not telling him, and he knows I do too. I don't think he knows they're connected yet, but he's a good detective. It's only a matter of time."

"Gram's teaching classes tomorrow night from seven to nine, which probably means she won't be home until at least ten. Does that sound good?"

"Perfect. I'll be there."

"Have I thanked you enough?" Alexis asked through Bambi eyes.

"More than enough."

She nodded. "Okay. Then I guess I should go. I still have some homework for tomorrow, and my dad will be expecting me home before too long."

"Homework?" she asked. With everything else Alexis was going through, it sounded so inconsequential.

Alexis shrugged. "Everything can't just stop."

Beckett nodded. "Yeah. I guess you're right about that." Alexis got up and Kate followed her to the door. "You gonna be alright until tomorrow?"

She nodded.

"Okay. But call me if you need anything, or if you want to talk about anything. Any time, okay?"

"Okay. You'll be okay with him tomorrow? You can keep him from asking too many questions?"

She shrugged. "I can't keep him from asking, but I can keep from answering. Don't worry about that, I'll be fine. I'm used to dealing with his annoying questions. What about you?"

Alexis frowned. "What about me?"

"You're not going to tell him before it's time?"

"I'm not going to tell him at all."

"Right." She looked at the girl's tearstained face and smiled sadly. "But sweetie… I know you're upset, and you have every right to be, but if you don't want him to ask questions you don't want to answer, you're gonna have to try to pull yourself together a little bit." She brushed a stray tear from Alexis's cheek with her thumb.

She sighed and nodded. "I know, you're right."

"Come here." She pulled Alexis into a tight hug, and when she let go they were both smiling, just slightly.

"It's funny," Alexis said. "I would've never pegged you for the hugging type."

Kate half-chuckled. "You know, usually I'm really not. You just looked like you needed it."

Alexis nodded. "You're probably right about that."

"Can I give you a ride home?"

She shook her head. "I'll take a cab. If my dad saw you it could get… complicated."

"Yeah, you're right. Unless I just went with you and told him now… then we wouldn't have to worry so much about tomorrow."

"No, Gram's there now."

"Right. Okay. You should go, then. Remember, what do you do if you need anything?"

"Call you. I've got it." She smiled. "You're gonna make a really great mom someday. Much, much better than mine."

Kate felt herself blush. Children were the furthest thing from her mind right now. "You know, this is probably the first and last time I'll ever defend her," she said choosing to ignore that comment and take Alexis's other point, "but I think your mom was just trying to do what she thought would be best for you at the time."

"The worst part is that I don't even think she understands why what she did was so wrong."

_I'd be happy to explain it to her the next time she's in New York_, she thought, but she didn't let that rather hostile thought pass through her lips. Alexis shouldn't hate her mom. At least she still had one, even if she did look pretty horrible at the moment. Definitely not in the correct state of mind to talk to Alexis about Meredith, she changed the subject. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. See you tomorrow."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I don't have a lot to say about this chapter. Besides that dialogue and Kate/Alexis scenes are two of my favorite things to write, so I'm actually pretty happy with it. :)

One other point to qualify. Not that it's important. It really isn't. At all. But I actually like Meredith. I know it doesn't come through here, but I do. She's a fun character. I don't think Beckett likes her (and who can blame her?), but as Castle's ex-wives go... I like Meredith significantly more than Gina. For obvious reasons she's not going to come out so well in this story... but for the record, I don't actually hate her. It's nothing personal.

Oh, and one more thing. And this one IS important. (See, even when I say I'm not going to have much to say, I end up writing a lot... but what can I say? I like talking to my awesome readers!) Happy Castle Day! It's not technically Monday yet here, but by the time you read this it probably will be. :)

Reviews are always appreciated. :)


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** This is for you, darling reviewers. You wanted an update within 24 hours? Here it is. Happy Castle Day again, since it's actually Castle Day now! Consider this my Castle Day gift to you. A chapter's worth of incredibly depressing fanfiction. Well, what did you want, a pony? Enjoy. :)

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><p>She'd tried to go over what she was going to say to Castle tomorrow a million times, and hadn't yet come up with anything she liked. No phrasing seemed right, gentle enough without being sappy. She had no idea what time it was now, only that it was late. She'd gone to bed just before midnight, not feeling tired but knowing that she'd have to try to sleep at some point if she wanted to look even halfway normal at work the next day, but hadn't come anywhere close to falling asleep.<p>

Her cell phone made a noise, and she picked it up from her nightstand to look at it. It was 2:37 a.m., and she had a new text message from Alexis. She opened it. "You awake?" it said simply.

She came close to just calling Alexis to give her an answer, but remembered that she didn't want to wake up Rick or Martha, and thought it would be better to give Alexis the chance to get somewhere where she wouldn't be overheard. So she typed a text message back to her. "I am," it said. "Need to talk?"

A few seconds later her phone started ringing. She sat up fully in bed and answered it. "Hey Alexis, what's up?"

"I just… couldn't sleep," the girl said, keeping her voice low. "And I remembered that you said you didn't sleep well last night, so I wondered if you were in the same position. Sorry if I'm bothering you."

"You're not bothering me at all. I couldn't sleep either. Trying to figure out how I'm gonna tell your dad tomorrow… not an easy task."

"Come up with anything?"

"As a matter of fact, no," she sighed. "But I'll figure it out. I'll probably just have to see what feels right in the moment. What's keeping you up?"

"Oh, you know," she said, with mock nonchalance. "Just normal stuff. My dad's not really my dad, my mom's a psychopath… nothing unusual."

"Mm. That." She nodded, although Alexis obviously couldn't see that through the phone. "You don't sound very sleepy," she observed.

"Neither do you."

Kate shrugged. "Yeah, I'm sure that'll all change come tomorrow morning. I'm gonna need a vat of coffee just to get to the precinct."

"I'll be lucky if I don't fall asleep in class tomorrow. I was okay today, but that was after only one night without much sleep. Tomorrow will be two."

"Very true. I wish I didn't know from experience how much of a difference that makes. But I can tell you it's quite a bit."

"I just can't stop thinking. What do you think he's going to say after you tell him?"

"I don't know." She bit her lip, wishing she had an answer to that, both for Alexis's benefit and her own. "There are so many different ways it could go. Better to just wait and see than to worry about it."

"But I can't just not worry about it, and obviously you can't either."

"Yeah, I know, you're right. It's hard. But we both should at least try to get some sleep."

"I know. It's just harder than it sounds."

"If it wasn't, we'd both be asleep right now. I just can't wait until this is out in the open. At least with your dad. I hate keeping this from him, it feels terrible."

"I know," Alexis agreed. I hate keeping secrets from him. Especially one this big. But it has to be the right time."

"I told him it was probably nothing," Kate sighed, finally exposing a detail that had been bothering her.

"What was?"

"When he was worried that you were hiding something from him. I told him he was probably overreacting. That it was no big deal. Even after I knew what it was. And I think he believed me. I was just trying to get him to stop asking questions, but I don't want him to be completely blindsided either."

"He's gonna be blindsided no matter what," Alexis said gently. "I'm sure this is the last thing he'd ever expect."

"You're probably right. I just feel like such a bad friend. I'm lying to him, I'm keeping things from him, I actually _stole _his DNA… when I finally tell him this he'll have every right to hate me."

"You're so wrong. There's no way I could get through this without you. You deserve to be an honorary member of the Castle family for this. Actually," she laughed humorlessly, "you're as much a part of the family as I am."

"That's not even remotely true, but thank you."

"He could never hate you, for the record. He might get frustrated with you, but he'll never hate you."

"Even if I deserve it?" She smirked.

"I can't see you ever doing anything to deserve it, but even if you did… I don't think that he could."

"You're probably right. He lacks… judgment, sometimes."

Alexis sighed. "Can we maybe not badmouth my dad right now? Considering we're going to completely destroy his whole world tomorrow, it doesn't really seem like the time."

She nodded. "No, you're right. I love the guy, it's just, sometimes he's easy to—"

Alexis chuckled, interrupting her.

"What?"

"Nothing. What were you saying?"

"No, what? Why did you laugh?"

"That's just the second time you've said that today."

"I've said what?" She genuinely had no idea what Alexis was talking about.

"That you love him."

"Oh." She felt herself blush. "I didn't mean…"

"Yeah you did," Alexis interrupted her again. "Both times you did. You might not have meant to say it, but you meant what you were saying."

"I just meant, you know, he's my friend. And I love him because… he's my friend." She felt like she was digging herself deeper into the hole now, and her brain was too tired to figure a way out of it.

"You should tell him that," Alexis suggested, catching her completely off guard.

"What?"

"Tomorrow. When you tell him about… me. You should tell him everything you've told me. That he's your friend, and you love him, and you love me, and you want to be there for us however you can. I think it would mean a lot. It might even help soften the news a little."

"Oh, sweetie…" Even if Alexis was right, it was one thing to say these things to her, and something completely different to say them to her father.

"Just think about it," she suggested. "You're right, it's probably best to wait and see what feels right at the moment. It's just… something to think about."

Kate sighed. "It certainly is."

"Should I let you go?"

"Are you going to go to sleep if you do?"

"Probably not."

"Yeah, me neither. Might as well keep talking."

* * *

><p>Somewhere into the conversation Alexis stopped responding. When Kate realized this she smiled and hung up the phone, pressing the "end call" button gently, as if it would make a difference. She was glad that at least someone had fallen asleep.<p>

* * *

><p>"You look like you need this today," Castle observed, sliding a coffee cup across her desk.<p>

She smiled and nodded, taking the coffee cup gratefully. "You have no idea," she murmured. She thought it was best not to mention that she'd already had three cups this morning and was still in desperate need of more.

"You feeling okay? You don't have a whole lot of color going on there."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night, that's all."

"Any particular reason?"

"No," she lied. "Just one of those nights." She wondered if Alexis was any livelier this morning than she was. Part of her hoped that Castle would say something about her, while another part of her hoped he didn't make any sort of connection at all.

As it happened, he didn't. All he said was, "I get that. Drink the coffee."

She took a sip of it and then heard her cell phone make a noise. She looked at it and smiled. New text from Alexis. Maybe she didn't have to get all the information she wanted about the girl from her father anymore. She opened it. "Sorry I fell asleep on you last night," it read.

"That's okay," she typed in response. "I'm glad you did."

"Who are you talking to?" Castle asked teasingly. "Is there someone special on the scene that you're not telling me about?"

_Yeah, your daughter,_ she wanted to say, but didn't. "Don't worry about it, Castle," she said instead. "It's none of your business."

"Fine. What's going on with the case? That's more exciting than prying into your personal life anyway."

She wished she was more confident that this would remain his opinion in the next few days, but that was neither here nor there. She updated him on the case, hoping it would be enough to distract them both for the rest of the day.

* * *

><p>"Almost here," Kate texted Alexis from the cab as she neared Castle's apartment.<p>

"I'm already in my room," the teenager responded a minute later. "And Gram's out, so you're good."

She sighed. "Thanks," she sent back as she got out of the cab. She felt her heart rate accelerate as she entered the building, and even more as she went up the elevator.

"Good luck," another text from Alexis read. This didn't help.

She rang Castle's bell, and it didn't take him long to come to the door. "Hey, Beckett," he greeted her, smiling. "Did I know you were coming over?"

She shook her head. "No, you didn't. Is this a bad time?"

"No, actually it's a good time. Alexis is doing homework and my mother has her acting class. Come in." He stepped away from the door and ushered her inside. "Any particular reason you stopped?"

"Yeah, I actually have to talk to you about something."

He must've sensed her nervousness, which couldn't have been hard when she felt like it was radiating from her every pore, because he frowned. "Sounds serious," he said. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm not sure I'd say that. Can we sit down?"

"Sure." He led her to the couch and took a seat. She sat down beside him. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. "It's not about me. Alexis came to see me the other day."

He frowned. "Oh? What day?"

"Sunday. When you were at your book signing."

"Okay. Why? What's going on? I knew there was something she wasn't telling me."

"She came to see me because she got a call from her mom, and she was pretty upset about it."

He rolled his eyes. "What did Meredith do now?"

"Nothing… recently, not as far as I know."

"Then what?" He chuckled. "Come on, you're making me nervous here."

She sighed. "You're not… going to like this."

"Kate, come on," he said, sobering. "Whatever it is, I'm sure I can handle it. Just tell me."

She wasn't as sure as he was, but she had to tell him anyway. "Okay. Meredith told Alexis that around the time she…" Beckett hesitated. This was not a comfortable area, discussing Castle and Meredith's previous sex life, no matter how indirectly. "Around the time she got pregnant with Alexis, she was seeing someone else. Who wasn't you. Or she saw him once. I don't know the details, and frankly I don't want to know the details."

Castle frowned, more confused than deflated. "So you're saying she cheated on me? Okay… might've been the first time, but it wasn't the last."

"More than that, though." He had to know it was more than that. She wouldn't have come here just to tell him that. "I guess Meredith wasn't completely sure when she got pregnant who the father was… so after Alexis was born she had a paternity test done."

"A paternity test," he repeated, frowning. "We were married then. Why did she never tell me about it?"

"Probably because she didn't want you to know that she cheated on you… and also because…" Her voice faded. Castle still wasn't grasping, and she didn't especially want to burst his innocent bubble.

"Because what?" he asked impatiently, maybe even a little angrily, which made her think he understood more than he was letting on. More, probably, than he wanted to understand.

"Because… Rick…"

"Why are you calling me Rick?" he interrupted her. "You never call me Rick. Don't call me Rick."

She sighed. "She didn't tell you," she started again, "because you weren't the father."

He frowned. _"What?"_

"Look." She took the printout from the test she'd had Lanie run out of her purse. "I wouldn't be telling you this if I hadn't checked it myself." She showed it to him, and pointed out the bits of the page that Lanie had explained to her. "I had Lanie run this with your DNA and Alexis's. It's not a match."

"How the hell did you get my DNA?" he asked, staring at the page angrily.

She looked away. "Stole your coffee cup."

His eyes widened. "You stole-!" But he broke off suddenly, turning his attention to the page. "It has to be a mistake." He met her eyes hopefully, and she could tell that he still hadn't fully grasped any of this. "Right? It's a mistake."

She shook her head. "Lanie did it herself. She said it was conclusive."

"So Lanie knows?" he demanded.

"No. She just did the test, she didn't know who she was doing it for."

"But she's not stupid. She must've figured it out."

"She guesses. She doesn't know."

"But you're sure?"

"As sure as I can be, or I wouldn't be telling you this."

He frowned. "You've known since _Sunday_, and you didn't say anything to me?"

"Well, I didn't get the results back until last night."

"But all day today." Something clicked in his mind, and his face changed. Softened just a little. "That's why you looked so tired this morning."

"Might've had something to do with it."

"How did you even get involved in all this?"

"Alexis came to me. Right after she talked to her mom. She was really upset, understandably, and she said she had to talk to someone who wasn't in her family."

"Why didn't she tell me?" he asked, his voice suddenly quiet.

She wasn't sure if that was a real question, one that required an answer, but she tried anyway. "Because she knew it would upset you."

"So she told you?"

"We've been talking," she explained. "Trying to figure out how to handle everything."

"She's not…" Kate watched as everything, all of the news, finally reached his face. The confused annoyance left in favor of acknowledgement, surprise, outrage, and finally pain. "She's not my daughter?"

She swallowed. Part of her felt like she should be relieved that he was finally understanding, but the dominant part of her just hated seeing him so upset. "Of course she's your daughter, Castle," she said gently. "You're the one who raised her for her entire life."

"But she's not really… she's not really mine."

She remembered Alexis's suggestion from the night before, the words that could help to soften the blow. _I love you. I love both of you, and I'll be here for you no matter what. Whatever you need. _But she couldn't make herself say it. So instead she nudged his hand gently with hers, trying through that one simple touch to convey all the thoughts that she couldn't say out loud.

But he flinched away immediately, rejecting her like she'd rejected him in the hospital that day. But between the lines rejection didn't hurt any less.

"Does she know?" he asked.

Kate pulled herself out of her thoughts, clasped her hands awkwardly on her lap, and frowned. "What, Alexis? Of course she knows, she told me."

"No." He shook the page of test results that he was still holding. "This. Does she know about this?"

She nodded. "She came to my place last night and I showed her then."

"She told me she was going to a friend's."

"She was," she said, a little defensively.

He stood up. "Okay, come on."

She frowned. "Where are we going?"

"I have to talk to Alexis."

She nodded. "Good. You should. I'll leave you alone."

"No, you absolutely will not."

She looked at him. He was serious. "What?"

"I'm going to talk to her, and you're coming with me. You're a part of this and that's clear. You know at least as much about it as I do. So you're staying, and you're coming."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** You don't even know how much you appreciate the editing job I did today. So I'm going to tell you. :P You think THIS is a cliffhanger? It's not. Okay, it kind of is, but it was going to be worse. My original cuts had chapter four ending after the scene in the precinct. But then when I read back over it I realized how absurdly short a chapter that would've been. And there was also the fact that you guys were all VERY insistent about Castle finding out ASAP. :P So I figured I was torturing him enough, and that I should probably clue him in as to why. Or, Beckett should. Anyway.

What this means is that I now really only have the first five chapters pre-written instead of the first six, since I had to change some things... so after the next chapter the updates will probably start coming a bit more slowly. But I do think it's better this way, and I'm sure you agree. :) How annoyed with me would you have been if at the end of this chapter Castle still didn't know?

Those of you who guessed that Castle already knew... that would've been an awesome twist, but no. I didn't even THINK of that. So I'm impressed that you did, but that's not the direction I wanted to go. :)

All of your reviews have been amazing though. I love when you make me consider things that I didn't think of previously, it's what makes my writing better. And you guys have been awesome with that. So thanks so much, and keep 'em coming! And never be shy about reviewing, no matter what it is you want to say. I don't bite. Usually. :)

Anyway. I gave you a Castle Day present. How about some reviews in return? Please and thank you. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** I need to say this before I get any farther. I don't ever mean to offend anyone with anything that I write. Ever. In fact, I usually go out of my way to avoid writing about touchy subjects for exactly this reason. Obviously, in some respects, this story is an exception to that. And that's part (if not most) of the reason I was so freaked out about posting it at first. But as a writer, and especially a fanfiction writer, I believe that my primary responsibility is to be as true to the characters as I possibly can. If a character says something or thinks something or implies something, it doesn't mean that it's my view. It's just my interpretation of the way I think the character would react in a given situation. We all have different experiences, and some elements are going to affect some people differently than others. But the thing about writing is that if the characters always said the right things and made the right choices, there wouldn't be much of a story. All I ask is that, if you're ever offended by anything I've written, you keep that in mind.

SO, that's about the most serious author's note I've ever written... let's top it off with another depressing chapter, shall we?

* * *

><p>Beckett couldn't really see the point of arguing with him, and she really didn't want to right now anyway, so she followed him up to his daughter's bedroom. He knocked, but then opened the door without waiting for a response.<p>

Alexis was sitting on top of her bed with an open textbook in front of her, frantically but unsuccessfully trying to wipe tears away from her face. Castle was at her side in seconds, the fathering instincts that maybe he shouldn't have had kicking in. He closed the book, set it on the floor and took a seat on the bed beside her. "Sweetie, why didn't you tell me?" he asked gently.

"I just… couldn't."

"You can tell me anything."

"Not this." She swallowed, fresh tears forming. "I couldn't tell you this."

He put his hand on her shoulder and looked her in the eye. "It doesn't change anything," he said. "Not anything, okay?"

He pulled the girl into a hug, and Kate watched from the doorway as a stray tear found its way down his cheek. Her breath caught in her throat. Why was she here, anyway? This was obviously a family moment, and not one she should've been part of, not even from the doorway.

But Castle didn't seem to agree. "Kate," he said after a minute, but with a strange edge in his voice, "what are you doing still out there? Get in here."

Tentatively, she took a few steps inside the room. This really didn't seem like her place, in Alexis's bedroom with the two very upset Castles. What was she supposed to do?

Castle moved over a little and patted the bed beside him. "Sit."

She did. Alexis looked at her, and she tried to smile.

"Now, explain to me," Castle said to Alexis, "why you didn't want to tell me, but you thought it was okay to have Kate do it."

"I told her I would," she said quickly, before Alexis could respond. She wouldn't have Alexis getting in trouble over that. "It was no problem, really."

"No problem?" He turned to her, frowning, his eyes still glistening with a kind of moisture that made her uncomfortable. "I saw you at work this morning. Did you sleep at all last night? And I saw your face a few minutes ago, when you were trying to tell me everything. It wasn't right to get you involved in this. I see that you are now, and I doubt that can be undone, but it isn't right."

Alexis whimpered, and the knot in Kate's stomach tightened. "Castle," she hissed, "what the hell is wrong with you? I'm _glad_ she came to me." She looked at Alexis. "I already told you this, so don't listen to your dad." She turned back to Castle. "I'm glad that she told me before anyone else, and I'm glad that she told me before she told you. It gave us a chance to figure out how to handle everything, and how to tell you."

"I'm a big boy," he said, a hardness in his eyes that was especially strange to witness as they still shone with leftover tears. "I can handle myself. You should've told me right away, and Alexis should've told me before she told you. I don't know how I feel about the two of you conspiring behind my back."

"Really?" Beckett challenged. "It sounds like you know _exactly _how you feel about it." She looked at Alexis again, who was looking even more upset than she had when they first entered, and felt a pang of guilt. "We can't do this here." She grabbed Castle's arm and yanked him up off of his daughter's bed. "We'll be right back, Alexis," she said as she more or less forced Castle to the door. "I just have to _kill_ your dad real quick."

"I—" he started to say once she'd closed the door behind them, but she cut him off.

"Downstairs," she said simply.

"But—"

"Downstairs."

She wasn't sure why she felt like the staircase was some kind of magical sound barrier that would keep Alexis from overhearing, but as soon as she reached the bottom she started in on him. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" she demanded in a loud whisper. "She's scared to _death_ that you're going to hate her somehow, that you won't want to be her dad anymore since you've found out that you weren't supposed to be. The _last_ thing she needs is to think you're mad at her, I don't care what the reason is."

"That's ridiculous."

"I agree, and I told her that, and you sort of told her that, but it's still the way she feels. And you shouldn't be mad at her anyway. We weren't conspiring against you, we were trying to help you."

"Why were you trying to help me? You don't think I can take care of myself?"

"Maybe I don't! Or maybe it's _possible_ that I just don't think you should have to."

"So what are you, my fairy godmother?"

She could've hit him. She really could've. But she held herself back. "_No_, I'm not your fairy godmother! What are you, two? I'm your friend. I'm your partner. And I'm not exactly sure why at this particular moment, but I do care about you, and I care about Alexis, and I don't want to see either one of you hurt."

"Then why did you have to tell me?" he demanded. "You could've buried it. You could've told Alexis that Meredith was wrong, that the test had come back positive, never said anything to me, and that would've been that."

The knot in her stomach tightened even further, because what Castle didn't know was that she had considered that, although only briefly. But she didn't let him see that unease, and instead made it look like anger. "Is that what you would've wanted me to do? Lie to you both? Forever?"

"I don't know. Maybe. Did you even consider that? You're all about the truth, so you probably only considered what you'd want."

She swallowed hard. Her throat ached from the tears she was holding back, but she covered them with the steel in her voice. "You know what, Castle? Maybe I didn't. Maybe I don't know you at all. Maybe I'm just a selfish, heartless bitch. And in that case, what the hell am I still doing here?" She started toward the door deliberately, but then she heard her cell phone. She didn't slow down, but she did take it out of her pocket. By the time she read the text, her hand was already on the doorknob.

It was from Alexis. "No matter what he says," it read, "please don't leave."

She froze, blinking rapidly to clear the tears that had now started to form in her eyes. She couldn't go now, but she wouldn't turn around and face him. So she was stuck there, staring at the door but unable to move. She did take her hand away from the knob, in a way admitting defeat.

After a long moment she abruptly turned around and found that Castle was standing behind her, just inches away. They both jumped. "I—" he started.

"Shut up, Castle!" she said fiercely, refusing to meet his eye. He backed up a step. "I don't want to hear it from you right now. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to listen to you, I don't want to _look_ at you. I'm here for Alexis, and that's all." She started back up the stairs toward Alexis's room and heard him behind her. She whirled around and did meet his eye now, her expression cold. "Get. Away."

She finished the trip up to Alexis's room unfollowed, and walked in now feeling strangely and inexplicably at home, in contrast to how awkward she'd felt there just a few minutes ago. "I'm sorry," she said as she took a seat at the foot of the bed. "Did you hear the yelling?"

"Yeah, I think the whole building heard it," Alexis said through teary eyes. "What happened?"

"God," she sighed, "I don't even know."

"He doesn't think I should've gotten you involved," Alexis deduced. "And he's right. I shouldn't have."

"No, he's not right. I don't ever want you to be sorry about that. We've already been through this, remember?"

"I don't want you to be fighting about me."

"It wasn't about you. We actually got through that part pretty fast."

"Then what was it about?"

She faltered. "He just… his reaction was different from what I anticipated."

Alexis half-smiled. "Could you be vaguer?"

She shrugged and chuckled humorlessly. "Probably."

The door opened and Castle came in. Honestly, Beckett was surprised it had taken him as long as it had. "This is my house," he said, like it was a recent realization he'd come to. "You can't just keep me out of one of the rooms."

She got up and stood in front of him, looking into his eyes defiantly. "Oh yeah? Watch me."

"Kate," Alexis murmured. "Don't."

She sighed, pursed her lips, and made a broad gesture with her arm, sarcastically welcoming him inside.

"I want to adopt her," he told Beckett seriously and firmly.

She felt just a little bit of the ice that had formed inside of her toward Castle thaw, and she smiled, a real smile, not a sarcastic one. "You don't have to," she told him. "And don't talk about her like she's not in the room."

"I know I don't have to," he said, looking from Beckett to Alexis. "I want to."

"No, I mean, there's no reason. It's your name on her birth certificate, isn't it? Legally, you're already father and daughter."

He nodded and sighed heavily, rubbing his forehead. "I don't like this."

"I didn't tell you," she said, leaning against one of the posts at the foot of Alexis's bed with a frustrated sigh of her own, "because I thought you'd like it. I told you because I thought it was the right thing to do. And because I couldn't live the rest of my life lying to you."

"I know," he said. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it."

"No," she agreed. "You shouldn't have."

"But um, given the circumstances… do you think you can forgive me?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Not _that_ easily. I will, however, take the circumstances into consideration."

"The rest of your life?" Alexis said softly.

Beckett turned to her, immediately softening. "What, sweetie?"

"You said the rest of your life. You really think you're gonna know us for the rest of your life?"

"I didn't mean…" she started, but then thought about it and changed her mind. "No, maybe I did." She nodded toward Castle. "If I haven't managed to get rid of him yet, I doubt I ever will."

"Hey," he cut in. "What happened to not talking about people like they're not in the room?"

"I told you not to talk about Alexis like she wasn't in the room," she reminded him. "Never said anything about you."

"Hypocrite," he muttered.

Alexis looked like she was going to say something, but she stopped herself before the sound that came out of her mouth even began to resemble a word. Instead she swallowed, and when she went to talk again her expression was completely different, like she was changing the subject. "Gram's gonna be home soon," she said.

"Oh goody." Castle rolled his eyes. "Hurricane Martha is just what we need to make this party a little more festive."

"No, seriously." Alexis looked from Castle to Beckett. "She's gonna get something's up. What do we tell her?"

Castle shrugged. "The truth. No point in hiding it from her," he said, and Kate could've sworn he looked at her a little pointedly. "She's going to find out eventually."

"Then I should really go," Kate said, starting for the door again. "Let you guys talk a little. That okay?" She directed her question more at Alexis than Castle.

She nodded, and he didn't protest. "I'll walk you to the door," he offered instead.

"Okay." She gave Alexis one final smile before leaving her room. "Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

Alexis nodded again, and Kate let Castle lead her back downstairs.

"You okay?" she asked him before they reached the door. She couldn't quite bring herself to meet his eyes, still angry about his earlier outburst, but she knew that he wasn't himself, wasn't the _real_ Castle who she knew so well, and she wanted to be sure that she got him back.

"I will be," he said, not quite looking at her directly either. "Look, I really am sorry about what I said before."

She nodded. "I know."

"How long are you gonna be mad at me?"

"I don't know," she sighed. "How long do you think you deserve?"

"What I deserve," he said, stopping walking to look at her, "is for you to walk out that door and not come back. You were right before. That's what I deserve. But I was hoping for more than I deserve."

She wondered how many times he'd given her just that. How many times she'd been horrible to him, and he'd still been there the next morning with a cup of coffee. More than she deserved. She could grant him the same. "No matter what you're feeling," she warned, shifting the subject a bit, "you will not take it out on Alexis. She's already hurting enough, she doesn't need you to make it worse."

"No," he agreed, "she doesn't. I won't."

"And you will call me if you need anything." She stared intently at his shoulder.

"Thank you," he murmured.

"Agree," she insisted.

"I will."

She nodded. "Good enough." She cast one final look at him as she left the loft, and for an instant, their eyes met.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I'm sorry. This story's painful. Trust me, I'm aware. I'm writing it. Hopefully there are some redeeming qualities as well. I guess you must think so or you wouldn't have made it this far, right? It will get better though. Eventually. I hope.

I finished this chapter sooner than I expected AND changed more than I thought I would... and I'm actually ahead on my schoolwork at the moment... look who's actually being productive these days! It's a weird feeling. But I think I might like it. We'll see how long it lasts. But I'm pretty much caught up to what I had already written... I have some more, but I'm going to end up changing most of it, so it won't matter much... so the next chapter might take a bit longer. I've been spoiling you with these quick updates lately. :)

Reviews are always appreciated. You guys have been awesome. Thank you so, so much. :)


	6. Chapter 6

To say that Beckett wasn't exactly thrilled with Castle would've been an understatement. She was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because she understood that he hadn't been thinking clearly, but surely he could've reacted better than he had. She couldn't even decide which facet of his reaction made her angriest. Was it the fact that he'd blamed Alexis for going to her for help, or that he'd implied that she should have lied to them both about the test results?

Unhappy with him though she was, she still couldn't stop thinking about him. She didn't like the fact that the only emotion he'd betrayed had been anger. She knew her partner. She knew that he loved his daughter more than anything in the world, and she knew that, even if it didn't really change anything about their relationship, the news that Alexis wasn't really his blood relative must have devastated him. But he really hadn't let that be known. She understood the temptation to hide more painful emotions under a mask of anger, but she also understood the problems doing that tended to cause. All of those bad feelings didn't go away just because you refused to deal with them. Instead, in her experience, they had a tendency to grow until they overtook your entire being. She hated to watch Castle make the same mistake that she had made so many times. Frankly, she'd expected better of him.

She had the afternoon shift at the precinct the next day. While she didn't expect for Castle to join her, she did want to call just to check in and make sure that everything was at least reasonably okay. She knew she wasn't going to stop thinking about him and his family anytime soon, but she hoped that talking to him could at least satisfy her enough that she'd be able to attempt some level of concentration at work.

The phone rang only once before going to voicemail, almost as if he'd turned it off. That was strange. Castle's cell phone was practically an appendage. As far as she knew, from the few times she'd called him at weird hours to tell him about a murder, he didn't even turn it off when he was asleep.

Although it was still too early, she got ready for work. She figured she'd stop at his apartment on the way to the precinct, not because she was worried, but just to say hi. She tried calling one more time before she left. Still no answer. Maybe she was a little worried.

Martha greeted her at the door of the Castle loft when she finally arrived. "Kate," the older woman said, smiling. Was she imagining it, or was Martha a little more subdued than usual? "It's nice to see you."

"Is, um, Castle there?" she asked, feeling a little silly, like she was back in junior high asking if a friend could come out and play.

"No, darling. He and Alexis went out."

"Oh." She shuffled her feet a little, trying to decide what to do. Should she leave? She didn't have to be at work for over an hour yet. It wasn't unusual for her to show up early, but this early would've been a little excessive, especially considering that she'd wrapped up her last case and didn't currently have one.

"Would you like to come in?" Martha asked, sensing her unease.

She obliged with a small nod, and stepped inside the loft. "He told you last night, I guess…" she said, hoping after it was out of her mouth that Rick actually had told his mother about Alexis. "…right?"

Martha nodded somberly. "Yes, darling. He and Alexis filled me in."

Kate couldn't help but notice that, despite being maybe a little less vibrant than usual, Martha didn't look particularly upset, or angry, or… anything. She just looked like Martha. "How are they?" she asked. "I mean, how are they… handling everything?"

"Can I get you a cup of coffee?" Martha asked, a hint of something vaguely maternal in her eyes.

She nodded. "Thanks."

Martha swept toward the kitchen, and Kate followed her. "I've been told," she said as she started the coffee preparation, "by Richard, that my coffee is substandard. So you'll have to excuse that."

Kate smiled. "As long as it's brown and reasonably strong, I'm not picky."

Martha nodded. "I think I can handle that request." She took in Kate's professional appearance. "Are you working today?"

"Yeah," she said, leaning against the counter, "my shift starts at three. But Castle wasn't answering his phone, so I figured I'd stop here on my way to the precinct and…"

"Check in on him," Martha supplied. "Very sweet of you."

"Not 'check in on him,' exactly," she protested, "just… make sure everyone's okay."

There was something patronizing about the way Martha looked at her, but all she said was, "You're a good friend." By that time the coffee was finished. "Cream and sugar?"

"Just… cream."

The older woman poured a little cream into the coffee and handed it to Kate. She tasted it and raised her eyebrows. "Reasonably strong" was an understatement. This was coffee that could easily kill a small animal. Fortunately, she'd built up a very high caffeine tolerance level over the years, and after a couple of sips she actually found it pretty tasty. Castle had always been a coffee snob. "Coffee's good," she told Martha. "Thanks."

"So… how are they?" she asked again, aware that Martha never had answered her question.

"It's been hard for both of them," she allowed.

Yet Martha was still very composed. "What about you?" Kate asked.

She sighed. "I'm sorry they had to find out like this. I'm sorry they're upset."

She frowned. "But you're not?"

"I'm not in the habit of understanding Meredith… but if when I had Richard there had been a man in my life who would have taken the responsibility and the initiative to be there for him, how could I have denied him that? A real father. Genetics aside."

"Are you saying you think what Meredith did was right?"

Martha shook her head. "No, I'm not saying that at all. I'm simply saying that I understand it."

"But she lied to her family… to her daughter, and to Rick, and to you, for eighteen years."

"You sound like Richard," she observed. "'Nothing is more important than the truth.' In my experience, there are things that are more important. What kind of a life would Alexis have had if Meredith had been completely honest? Would she have been shuffled all over Los Angeles with her mother? What if she'd been born and Meredith would've decided she didn't want a child? Would she have gone into foster care? And what kind of a life would Richard have had if Alexis hadn't been a part of it? No matter whether you believe it, having a child to take care of really grew him up. He's a better person for having her in his life, and he allowed her a better life than she would've had without him. So you tell me. Did Meredith do the right thing?"

She sipped her coffee, unable to answer Martha's question.

"Not everything is black and white," the older woman added softly, with a knowing smile.

Beckett followed her thoughts to their inevitable conclusion: the one that she kept coming back to, no matter what she tried to tell herself. "Should I have lied to them? Castle told you I had Lanie run a DNA test, right? Should I have told Alexis that it came back positive? Let them go on believing what they already did?"

"Why didn't you?" Martha asked simply.

She shrugged. "I didn't think I could lie to them both forever."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't feel good about it."

"And have you changed your mind?"

She thought for a second, and shook her head. "No."

"Then it sounds to me like you made the decision that was right for you."

She nodded. "But… was it the wrong decision for them? If I just told them to make myself feel better about it, was that selfish? You said you didn't like that they found out like they did… they way they found out was my fault."

Martha met her eyes, suddenly sympathetic. "No it wasn't, darling. Meredith told Alexis, did she not? Alexis came to you for help, and you were willing to help her. There is nothing selfish about that. You did what you believed was right."

"Right for me. I mean, Castle was right. I only thought about what I'd want if I was in his position."

"Oh," Martha said, suddenly almost amused. "Is that what he said to you?"

She frowned. "What?"

"He was upset about more than Alexis when I saw him this morning. He said you were angry about something he'd said, but he wouldn't say what. Was that it?"

"Part of it. We had a fight."

"And yet, you came here, so you can't be too mad at him."

She shrugged. "It's complicated."

Martha muttered something that wasn't quite distinguishable, but sounded suspiciously like, "Not _that_ complicated." Then she cleared her throat and spoke more audibly. "He'll be okay, once he gets past the initial shock of all this. But in the meantime, it wouldn't hurt if you'd cut him a little slack."

She nodded. "I'm trying."

"And that's all you can do."

"What about Alexis? You think she'll be okay too?"

Martha nodded. "In time."

"Good. Good." She continued to sip her coffee, lost in thought. "Martha?" she finally asked, when it was nearly gone.

"Yes, darling?"

"Do you think I'm selfish?"

The older woman frowned. "I told you, nothing about what you did—"

But Kate interrupted her. "That's not what I mean. I just mean… as a person. Do you think I'm selfish?"

"You solve the murders of people you've never met for a living," Martha said softly. "I'd hardly consider that selfish."

"But, in a way… I've always done that for myself. To prove to myself that it's possible. Like… if I can solve every case that's thrown at me, then maybe one day, my mom's case…" She broke off and started over. "It's not that I don't care about the victims, I just think I've always had an ulterior motive."

Martha smiled sadly. "There's nothing wrong with that. Connecting with your job on a personal level… it makes you that much more driven."  
>"I just feel like… everything I've done, my entire life, has been for myself, at least on some level."<p>

Martha smirked. "Sweetheart, look who you're talking to. Richard doesn't just _call_ me a diva, you know."

Kate smiled. "But you're a good mother. And a good grandmother. Your whole life isn't just about you."

"Neither is yours, darling. You have friends, colleagues. A partner." Kate could've sworn she detected a subtle eyebrow quirk as Martha tacked on the partner comment. "How many times have you put your life on the line for them?"

She considered this. Maybe Martha did have a point. But still… "I just… feel like I need to do something, just once, that doesn't have anything to do with me."

"Like what?"

She shrugged. "Can you do me a favor?"

Martha raised her eyebrows, inviting Kate to continue.

"Just make sure Rick and Alexis both know that I'm around. You know, if they need anything."

"Of course."

"Is there anything I can do in the mean time?"

"No, I don't think so. It sounds to me like you've already done quite a lot."

"Nothing he would hesitate to do if our positions were reversed." She finished her coffee.

"Darling, friendship isn't a competition."

She shrugged and put the mug down on the counter. "I know. But it shouldn't be one-sided, either. Castle's always been around for me when I needed him. I just want him to know it goes both ways."

Martha smiled and nodded. "Admirable."

"Yeah, well. Thanks for the coffee, but I should be going."

"Right. Can't be late for work."

"No, I can't. Tell Castle I missed him at the precinct? And tell Alexis hi."

"I think I can handle that." Martha smiled. "Thank you for stopping by."

She nodded. "Oh," she said, "and same goes for you. You need anything, I'm a phone call away."

"That's very sweet, darling, but I think I actually have a handle on this. I will relay your message though."

"Thanks." She left the loft and headed for the precinct, aware of just how quiet it was going to seem without Castle there.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Martha has always been hard for me to write. I hope it worked okay, though.

Anyway. I don't have a whole lot to say about this chapter, but reviews are always appreciated. :)

Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **Sorry about the wait. It was longer than I wanted it to be. Last week was... not good for me. But this week is already considerably better, so that's definitely a good thing. :) And it's Blue Butterfly day, so hurray for that! Need something to do while you wait? Enjoy. :) And if you're reading this after that... enjoy anyway. :) Hopefully this is worth the wait, and hopefully the next wait will be shorter. :)

* * *

><p>"Castle's not coming in today?" Ryan asked, joining Beckett in the break room about halfway through her shift.<p>

"No, not today. He has some personal stuff he's dealing with. He'll be in tomorrow though," she said, hoping she wasn't lying.

"What's going on?" he asked with a frown. "Everything okay there?"

She'd tried to answer her friend's first question in a way that wouldn't prompt any more, but apparently something in her face had betrayed her. She couldn't help it. She hadn't stopped thinking about him and Alexis since… well, since Alexis had come to her apartment the first time, several days ago now. "It will be," she said flatly, and maybe a little too sharply.

"Okay," he said, taken aback. He took his coffee and returned to the bullpen. She stole a glance at her phone and briefly considered calling him or maybe Alexis, but thought better of it. She'd decided it would be better to leave them alone to work things out themselves, unless they asked for her help specifically. And she knew that Castle wouldn't do that, no more than she would if she were in his shoes. Alexis might, but only if something went horribly wrong, so she thought it would probably be better if her phone didn't ring.

For the rest of her shift, it didn't. She was more than a little distracted, but pretended not to be. Ryan pretended not to notice, probably hoping to avoid her snapping at him again, and Esposito shot her a few significant glances, which she studiously ignored. She knew better than to suspect that the partners hadn't been discussing what might've been going on behind her back, but she knew that they hadn't guessed what was really going on between her and with Castle, so she wasn't worried. Not even the most vivid imagination, not even Castle, could have guessed this.

Esposito caught her on her way to the elevator, as she'd expected that he would but hoped he wouldn't. "Yo, Beckett," he called, stopping her in her tracks.

She sighed and stopped walking, allowing him to catch up. "What's up, Espo?"

"I should be asking you that. What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, feigning ignorance.

"Don't give me that. You've been somewhere else all day. You and Castle have a fight or something?"

"Ahm," she let her eyelids slide closed for a fraction of a second too long as she tried to figure out what to tell her friend. "Sort of. Look, it's not really my business to tell."

He nodded, frowning. "Alright. Let me know if there's anything we can do, okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah." She met his eyes. "Thanks, Javi." She honestly wasn't sure whether she was thanking him for his offer or for not prying any more than he had. Maybe both. In either case, she was sure she meant it. She wished she could promise her friends that they'd know what was going on sooner or later, but she couldn't. For all she knew, Castle would want to keep all of this private forever, and if that was his decision, she would respect it. As she'd told Esposito, it wasn't her business to tell.

She got on the elevator as Esposito headed back toward the desks. In the past few days she'd become a compulsive cell phone checker, and she looked at it again as she took the elevator down to the lobby. No one had tried to contact her. She wasn't sure whether to be relieved or anxious.

She briefly considered going back to the Castles' instead of home to her own apartment, but thought better of it, reminding herself that she wasn't family and should give them their space. Anyway, it was starting to get late and she was tired. Her plan was to eat whatever leftovers were in her fridge for dinner, take a long, hot shower, and go to bed early in order to catch up on some much-needed sleep.

Something wasn't sitting quite right with her as she made her way to her door. She couldn't explain why, she just had an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She chalked it up to worry about the Castles, and told herself that she had to stop thinking about them or she was going to drive herself crazy. They'd call if they needed her.

But the knot in her stomach that she'd been trying to ignore tightened when she opened her door and noticed a white envelope on the floor in the entryway, as though someone had slid it underneath. She didn't know what it was, but she couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't good.

She picked up the envelope and studied it, frowning. "Detective Beckett" was written on the front in neat but slightly shaky handwriting. She bit her lip as she broke the seal, using her finger as a letter opener. Suddenly she was almost sure of who this had come from and what it contained, but she hoped with every fiber of her being that she was wrong.

Inside the envelope was a relatively short note composed of the same writing that was on the front. She read it.

_Detective Beckett-_

_ I want to thank you again for helping me these past few days. I wouldn't have been able to handle this without you. I'm sorry for disturbing your life, and I promise I'll get out of your hair now. I'm going to California for a little while. I'll be staying with my mom. I just have one more favor to ask you, if you don't mind. Please don't let my dad come after me. There are some things I need to figure out, and I can't do it with him there. And take care of him while I'm gone? He's not in a very good place right now, and I know my leaving won't help, but it's something I have to do. I'll only be gone for a few days, and I've already arranged to make up the schoolwork I'll miss. I promise never to ask you for anything else._

_Thanks,_

_Alexis_

"No," she murmured aloud as she finished the note. "No, no, no. Alexis, _no_." She immediately took her phone out of her pocket, located and called the teenager's number. It went straight to voicemail. _"Dammit."_

Although she'd just gotten home, she turned around and left again before she'd even taken off her coat. Apparently she was going to Castle's tonight after all.

She resisted the temptation to use her gumball to get there more quickly, telling herself that it wouldn't make that much of a difference; that either Alexis had already left or she hadn't. But she would've been lying if she'd said she paid any attention at all to speed limits. Her car had an NYPD license plate. No one was going to pull her over. She wove in and out of the city traffic with a kind of skill that could've come only from years of experience.

When she finally got to the door, she rang the bell three times in a row, willing Castle to answer it _now_. Although it took him under a minute to appear, it felt like an eternity.

"Beckett," he said when he saw her, frowning.

"Is she here?" she asked, skipping over all forms of introduction.

"Is _who_ here?"

"Alexis," she snapped, having passed impatient several minutes ago. "Who do you think?"

"No, she went to the movies with one of her friends. Why?"

"The movies. Alexis? At nine o'clock on a school night?"

He eyed her suspiciously. "I'll admit it's a little out of character for her, but I figured it would be good for her to get her mind off of things." He studied her face and his frown deepened. "What?"

"She's not at the movies." She nodded in the direction from which she'd come, trying to get him to follow her out into the hallway. "Come on."

He made a face. "What? No, you're gonna have to give me more than that. What's going on?"

She sighed and stepped inside. He closed the door behind her as she took out the note that she'd folded carefully and slipped inside her pocket. She handed it to him. "I found this at my apartment when I got home from work."

She watched the color drain from his face as he read. "This is her handwriting," he confirmed as he handed it back to her, his hand trembling just enough for her to notice.

She fought the urge to roll her eyes. "I didn't think anyone else wrote it. Come on, let's go."

"Go where?"

"The airport. We might be able to catch her."

"How? We don't know what flight she's on, and they won't let us near the terminals without tickets."

"So we'll buy tickets. Come _on_." She tried to pull him to the door, but he stopped her.

"Wait. I thought you were supposed to stop me from going after her."

"No. That's what she asked me to do. I never agreed."

"But maybe she's right. Maybe this is something she has to do. She's eighteen, she can make her own decisions. Maybe I shouldn't stand in her way." He stared at the note she still held in her hands as if trying to make eye contact with it.

"Rick," she said, rousing him from his semi-trance. "Look at me."

He met her eyes, and she realized for the first time how weary he looked. His usual youthful glow was replaced by a grayish pallor. There were dark circles and lines around his eyes that she'd never noticed before, and his eyes themselves were dull and red-rimmed.

Her heart seemed to skip a beat, but she didn't let it show. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think I am. Alexis is your daughter, regardless of paternity, and you love her no matter what."

He nodded.

"Have you told her that?"

He nodded again. "I've tried."

"And she's being stubborn?"

"I guess a little."

"So now you show her." She started for the door again, but he still wasn't moving. "What?"

"That's not what cool dads do."

This time she didn't bother to stop herself from rolling her eyes. "Shut up. Why do you think she's going to California?"

"To see her mom, I imagine."

She shook her head. "I doubt it. She's pissed as hell at her mom right now. She might be staying with her, but I'd be willing to bet she's going to try and find her biological father."

She'd hoped he'd come to this conclusion on his own and she wouldn't have to say it, but it was clear that he hadn't. She wouldn't have thought it possible for him to look any more crestfallen, but this did it. "Well, I can't stop her from doing that either," he managed.

"Sure you can. What do you know about this guy? I'll tell you what. Nothing. I'm not gonna start in on worst case-scenarios, but I'm sure you can fill a few in for yourself. You know better than I do that if she wants to find this guy, she'll find him. I'm just saying, maybe Meredith didn't tell him he had a daughter for a reason."

His face contorted into a grimace, and she knew his writer's imagination had kicked into overdrive. She'd hoped to avoid making that happen, but Alexis's safety was her first priority, and she had to get her point across. "Okay," he sighed. "Let me get my coat."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Yeah, that's a cliffhanger. Hang in there. I'll try not to leave you on the ledge for too long. Reviews are awesome, and thanks for reading! :)


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **So I'm going to try to update this at least once a week. And since I like to update on Castle Mondays, if there isn't a new chapter earlier in the week than that, expect one on Monday. :) Happy Pandora day! And I hope you enjoy the chapter.

* * *

><p>Castle slammed his cell phone against the dashboard with some violence, and Kate felt her stomach lurch. "You okay?"<p>

"No."

Her eyes darted away from the road for a second and lit on her partner. She'd never seen him like this before. His forehead was deeply creased and his eyes squeezed shut as though he had a truly terrible headache. He wasn't speaking, just making the occasional strangled moan or doing something with his phone.

"She's still not answering?"

Apparently he didn't think that question merited any kind of a response, because he didn't give one.

"What can I do?" she tried instead.

"Drive faster."

She did. Neither spoke another word for the remainder of the drive to the airport. She focused on only the road, driving as fast as she could while still being reasonably safe. She didn't allow her mind to wander to the man beside her or to wonder if his daughter was on a plane yet, because if her thoughts went in either of those directions she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to harness them again. All that mattered right now was getting to the airport as quickly as possible.

As soon as they were inside she led Castle, who seemed a little dazed, to the nearest electronic board that listed the recent and upcoming flights. From what she could tell there hadn't been any recent flights to Los Angeles, and the next direct one appeared to be at five-thirty the next morning. Her heart sank when she realized that Alexis might not have taken a direct flight, something that hadn't previously occurred to her.

Without a word she led Castle to the counter of the airline that offered the five-thirty flight, hoping that Alexis would be on it.

"Do you still have tickets available for the five-thirty flight to LA?" she asked the woman behind the desk briskly.

The woman looked something up on her computer as if she'd been greatly inconvenienced. "A few," she answered without enthusiasm.

"Fine," Beckett said impatiently. "I'll take two."

"One," Castle interrupted, speaking for the first time since the car ride. "You have to work tomorrow," he said to Kate alone. "There's no reason both of us have to go. I'll go look for her and we can take a cab home if I find her."

_"Two," _she insisted to the girl. Then she turned back to Castle. "Forget it. I'm going with you." She went for her wallet, but before she could even open it Castle was sliding a credit card across the desk.

"At least let me get mine," she tried to protest, but he wouldn't hear of it.

"No way," he said without further elaboration. This terse version of Castle was not something she was ever going to get used to.

They made it through security quickly, as it was a weird time and they didn't have bags, and immediately started looking for the gate that the flight in question was scheduled to leave from. "She could be there," she assured Castle. They both walked as fast as they could, as though it would make a difference. "Maybe this is her flight."

He didn't respond. Just kept walking.

Finally they got to the flight gate. There were three people already there, camped out for the next morning's flight, but none of them was Alexis.

"What now?" Castle asked, turning to her with an air of desperation.

She shrugged. "We wait. Maybe she's in the bathroom or something. This could still be her flight." She knew it was a long shot, had always been a long shot, but she clung to this shred of hope for her partner's sake.

His mouth tightened with impatience and frustration. "But what if it isn't? What if she's already gone? What then?"

"You can track her credit card, right? You can find out what airline she took."

"But what if it already left?" he asked again.

"Then we take this one. We already have tickets. We meet her in California."

He looked at her earnestly. "You mean _I_ take it."

"No. I mean we."

"Kate, I can't ask you to do that."

"You didn't. Listen, I never take sick days. I'm overdue."

"No, you've done too much already," he said again, although something in his expression betrayed his true feelings, and she knew he didn't want to be alone. "Go home."

"No way," she said softly but firmly, echoing his earlier words.

He made a couple of calls and figured out that Alexis had bought tickets that took her first to Chicago and then from there to Los Angeles. Her first flight had arrived safely in Chicago, and her second was scheduled to touch down in LA before theirs even left, but there was no point in trying to arrange anything sooner. With such little notice, they'd been lucky to get the tickets they had.

Castle seemed in a trance, completely disconnected from everything around him. She wasn't sure he'd even have noticed if she left. But she had no intention of leaving. She did take out her cell phone, and was surprised when he reacted immediately.

"What are you doing?"

She frowned at him, surprised that he'd even noticed and even more surprised that he was being so nosy. It was typical of him, but he'd been acting so atypical that the very in-character question seemed odd. "Calling work," she said. "Figure I should let them know I won't be in tomorrow."

"You don't have to do this," he said again.

She nodded. "Yeah. I know." She dialed the precinct's number.

* * *

><p>She didn't know how long they sat there in silence, neither one saying anything or even daring to breathe too loudly. For as long as she'd known Castle, she'd never been so uncomfortable with him around. He usually made awkward situations easier because of his total lack of capacity for embarrassment. The Richard Castle she knew alleviated tension, he didn't cause it. The man who sat beside her in the airport terminal… she didn't know who he was.<p>

The silence was broken somewhat when her stomach growled, and she realized for the first time that she hadn't eaten dinner. "I'm gonna go see if I can find something to eat," she told Castle. "Why don't you come with me?"

He shook his head. "I'm not really hungry. You go, I'll be here."

She studied him for a second and shook her head. "No. I'm not leaving you here by yourself. Come on, you don't have to eat anything, just get up and walk around with me for a little while. You're gonna drive yourself nuts just sitting here."

He shrugged. "I'm okay."

"Then come on."

He frowned.

"Look," she sighed, "I used to know this guy named Rick Castle. He couldn't sit still for five minutes, and sometimes it drove me nuts, but it was who he was, and I got used to that. Now, I'll sit here for as long as you will. I won't do anything or say anything if that's what you want. But I want you to know that Rick Castle was my friend. I don't know where he went, but I'd like him back."

He let out a long, slow breath of air and finally met her eyes. "I knew she was gonna go to college," he said softly, "and I knew she was gonna grow up, and get her own life, and that she wasn't gonna be my little girl forever. But I never dreamed—" He cut himself off, staring at the floor.

"What?" she asked. "She _is_ always gonna be your little girl. You're her dad. That's it."

"But I'm not," he said, still staring at the ground.

"Yes you are. You're the only parent she's ever really known, and you're her best friend. And she's always going to love you, no matter what she finds out. You don't feel any differently about her now, do you?"

He picked up his head, but didn't look at her. "Of course not."

"Then I'm sure it's a mutual feeling."

"Then why is she running away from me?"

She felt a strange tug somewhere deep inside of her that had nothing to do with her surgery. Was that what he'd been thinking? "She's not. She's confused. She's just trying to figure some things out."

"Like who her real father is."

"She knows who her _real _father is," Kate said plainly. "If she's trying to find her biological father, I'm sure she just wants to meet him. She's not trying to replace you."

He finally met her eyes again. His own were a little raw, but she didn't allow herself to look away. "Why are you here?" he asked. "I mean, I'm glad you are, but why?"

She allowed her lips to twitch upward just the slightest bit. "I told you," she said, "I'm looking for my friend. And I won't leave until I find him." She stood, and so did he.

"Okay," he sighed, "let's go find you some dinner."

* * *

><p>One plane touched down as another took off. She felt her eyelids start to droop as she watched the carefully choreographed dance of the planes out on the runways through the big pane of glass. It was hypnotic. That and her full stomach were almost enough to make her forget that the chairs in the airport terminal weren't really very comfortable.<p>

"So what's the plan?" Castle asked beside her, rousing her from her near-slumber.

"Plan?" she asked, hoping she sounded more confused than tired. If he wasn't sleeping, she shouldn't have been either.

"Yeah. What do we do when we get out there?"

She frowned. "Well, we find Alexis."

"And take her back to New York? Nothing solved? What if she just leaves again?"

She sighed. He had a point, but she didn't have the energy to figure it out right now. "I don't know," she admitted with a yawn. "Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

"Oh. Yeah." He nodded. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry," she murmured. "You should try to get some sleep. You've gotta be exhausted."

He shrugged. "I don't need sleep."

She rolled her eyes. "Liar. 'Course you do. Gotta be rested to find Alexis tomorrow."

"I couldn't sleep if I tried."

She raised her eyebrows. "I bet you could. And I bet you'd feel a little better."

"I doubt it."

"Just try."

Somewhat reluctantly, he slumped down in his chair a bit.

She smiled and followed suit, letting her eyes slide closed. "Better."

But now instead of falling immediately asleep, she found herself listening to the breathing of the man beside her. He was still awake. She could tell that. "Hey, Rick?" she mumbled. She remembered how he'd admonished her the last time she used his first name, but she tried again anyway.

"Yeah?" This time, he didn't protest.

"I'm really sorry."

"For what? You haven't done anything wrong."

"I know. I just mean… I'm sorry that this happened to you. You're such a great father. You don't deserve this kind of pain."

He didn't respond verbally, but she felt the warmth of his arm rest on top of hers.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I don't really have time to write extensive author's notes today. So I'll just say that reviews are always appreciated. :) Thanks for reading, as always!


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N****:** Look at me, updating and it's not even Monday. :) Annnd guess what? I don't have any class tomorrow (Friday) OR Monday, so hopefully I'll be able to bring you another chapter before Linchpin. :) I'll shut up and let you read now. Enjoy!

* * *

><p>The next thing she knew, she was cracking her eyes open and discovering that she'd slumped down in her chair so much that her head rested on the back. Castle was similarly positioned beside her, using her shoulder as a pillow and snoring lightly.<p>

She lifted her arm from the resting place it had found on his back slowly, being careful not to disturb him. There were more people moving around now than there had been when she'd fallen asleep, and she looked at her phone for the time. Four forty-five. It was disturbingly early, but their plane was scheduled to leave at five thirty.

She wanted to get up and see about getting coffee, but she doubted she'd be able to do it without waking him up. She tried anyway, shifting his head back to his own chair as gently as she could. He stirred, but to her surprise, didn't wake. He must have been sleeping more heavily than she'd expected. That was good, she thought. He had to have been tired with everything he'd been going through lately.

She quickly located a nearby coffee shop and bought two cups. When she returned, Castle was awake and looking around confusedly.

"Oh good," he said when he saw her, looking a little more relieved than she was sure he intended, "you're still here."

She smiled and handed him a coffee. "Of course I am."

"Thanks." He took a long sip.

"You look a little better," she observed. "I think sleeping did you some good."

"Yeah," he said without conviction, almost sarcastically. "Good."

She frowned. "What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing." He took another drink. "I just need coffee."

She couldn't exactly explain why, but she didn't believe him. "You sure?"

"Yeah."

She sipped her own coffee, unwilling to argue the point farther. "Look, Castle," she finally said, "we'll find her. I'm sure she's fine."

"Are you? Because that's not what you said before."

"She's a smart girl. I think she'll be careful, and won't let herself wind up in a bad situation. But I think she's more than a little emotionally vulnerable right now. If she wasn't, she wouldn't have left in the first place." She bit her lip, reminding herself not to say the other part of what she was thinking. If she were being completely honest, she'd have to admit that she was less worried about Alexis right now than she was about Castle. Only about twenty percent of the reason she was going to L.A. was concern for the girl's safety. The other eighty percent was because she knew how Alexis's leaving had affected her father, and the way she understood it, he needed to do this. He needed to go after her, whether she was in any real danger or not. But he didn't need to do it alone.

* * *

><p>"Should we have talked to Meredith about this?"<p>

By the time Kate thought of this question, the plane was already in the air en route to Los Angeles.

Castle shrugged. "What, that we're coming? She'll find out. It's not like we're staying with her."

Kate frowned. "So… where _are_ we staying? Even if we find Alexis and she agrees to come back with us, we won't be able to get a flight tonight. We'll end up sleeping in an airport again, and I'm not saying I mind, but—"

Castle interrupted. "_I_ do. One night in those waiting room chairs was plenty. Too much. And as you're trying not to say, it might take longer than one day. I don't like you patronizing me. I'm an adult, I can handle whatever it is you have to say."

She nodded. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, just... if you're gonna be here, be you. Don't be nice to me just because you feel bad. That's not you."

She nodded. "Okay, so... where are we going to stay?"

"I'll call some of my contacts when we get there. We might have to promise to stop by the Heat Wave set again, but they'll set us up with a nice place. It's short notice, so it might not be the same one as last time, but it'll be better than an airport."

She smiled. "Glad to hear that."

"And we'll stop somewhere to get some essentials for the next few days. We didn't pack, and we're gonna need more than what we're wearing."

She nodded. "I didn't even think of that." Then another thought occurred to her, and she swore. "I left my car in temporary parking."

Castle smirked. "Well, I doubt they'll tow it, it is a cop car."

"Maybe not right away, but if it's there for too long they'll call the precinct. Gates thinks I'm out sick. It'd be better if she didn't find out I'm on a plane to California."

Castle nodded. "With me. Right. I'm already not her favorite person, I can't imagine that would improve if she found out I kidnapped one of her detectives."

Beckett rolled her eyes. "Like you could kidnap me."

"Is that a challenge?"

She smiled. "_There's_ Castle. I knew you were in there somewhere." She shook her head, and continued. "I'm just saying, I'm the one who'd get in trouble. I'll call Espo when we land and have him and Ryan move it."

"I'm really dragging everyone into this, aren't I?" Castle asked, a little guiltily.

"We're your friends. It's why we're here. But they're not gonna let me go too much longer without telling them what's going on. They know something's up. And if one of them talks to Lanie, they might actually figure it out."

"Are Esposito and Lanie talking?"

"Who knows? I told you, I'm staying out of it."

"Yeah, but come on. She's your best friend. I know how you women operate. You know what's going on even if you don't _know_ what's going on."

Kate felt an unintentional grin take possession of her face. "I am not gossiping about my friends' love life with you!"

"Aha, so you admit that you do know something."

"I didn't say that, I'm just not up for an episode of Sex and Castle and the City, no matter how metrosexual you are." She realized what exactly she'd just said after it was out of her mouth and bit her lip hard. _Really?_

He smirked, but didn't comment. "We're on a plane, in case you haven't noticed," he said instead. "What else do we have to do?"

"We could talk about what we're actually going to do when we get to LA. You know, those pesky little details like how we're actually gonna find Alexis and what we're going to do when we find her?"

He shrugged. "You're the cop, I figured you had a plan."

"Well, not really. All we know is that she's staying with her mom. So I guess we go there?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, for lack of options. I really don't have any desire to see Meredith right now."

"I'm not exactly excited about that either, but what else are we gonna do?"

"I don't know. Is it even a good idea to let Alexis know we're there? She obviously wanted to do this without me."

"What else are we gonna do? Stakeout in front of Meredith's house and follow her?"

"Well?"

"No! We're not gonna do that. That's creepy."

"Then what if we do our own investigating? Find out who this guy is, and beat her to finding him?"

"How? We don't even know his name."

"I don't know. Ask..."

"Meredith," Beckett put in. "She's the only one who knows. For one reason or another, we're gonna have to talk to her."

"Fine. So we find out his name, we find him, do a background check on him, and then we...?"

Kate shrugged. "Wait. Until she's ready to come home. And then she comes with us."

"But who knows how long that'll take? You can't stay on sick leave forever."

"If I tell Ryan and Esposito what's going on, they'll cover for me. That'll work for a little while. This would've been so much easier..." she let her sentence die in her throat rather than verbalizing it, but Castle understood.

"When Montgomery was captain?" he finished. "Yeah. It would've." A beat of silence passed. "I miss him too."

"I forget, sometimes," she said, looking out the window at the clouds that surrounded the plane, her voice sounding a little faraway even to her own ear, "that you two were friends."

"I knew him before I knew you," he reminded her gently.

She cleared the lump from her throat and blinked a few times before turning back to Castle. Now wasn't the time for her to be thinking about her old captain or the part she'd played in his death. She was supposed to be taking care of Castle. He was better now than she'd seen him in awhile, and that was good, but now still wasn't the time for her to get stuck inside her own head.

"So, what do you think?" she asked. "Should I tell Ryan and Esposito? I won't unless you say it's okay."

He nodded. "It's okay. But ask them to be subtle about it? I don't want this in the press. Not as long as I can avoid it. I'm sure it'll come out eventually, but..."

"I got it. They'll be good or they'll deal with me."

"You probably shouldn't kill your partners," Castle mused.

"You're my partner. But they're on our team. They're not gonna say anything."

He nodded. "I know. I trust them. It's just, you know, Ryan tells Jenny, Jenny tells her mother, she tells her hairdresser, and the next thing you know..."

Kate laughed. "I'll tell Ryan he can't tell Jenny if you're worried about it."

He looked at the ceiling. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah. But that won't happen."

"Okay. You can tell them. But if you need to go back before I do, that's fine."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," she told him, but she knew that unless things changed pretty dramatically, she had no intention of leaving him alone in California.

* * *

><p>"No, Richard Castle," he repeated to the hotel concierge. "The production company was supposed to tell you I was coming?"<p>

"They did," the concierge explained. "We have a room for you."

"No, it was supposed to be two rooms. Two. Because there are two of us?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Castle, we only have one room available. Would you like us to try to find you accommodations at another hotel?"

He hesitated. This was easily the closest hotel to where Meredith lived. Anything else would be out of the way. "Yeah," he said anyway. "Could you do that?"

"No," Beckett cut in. "One room is fine. There are two beds, right?"

"Two queens," the concierge confirmed. "It's one of our best rooms."

"That'll be fine," she said.

Castle frowned. "Are you sure?"

"Positive. We just need somewhere to sleep, it's not a big deal."

"Are you _sure_?" he asked again.

She rolled her eyes. "Castle."

"Okay, okay." He slid his credit card across the desk.

"Let me split the cost with you," she offered.

"Forget it. You're only here because of me. I've got it covered."

She sighed, but nodded.

The concierge led them to the room, which was very nice by hotel room standards. It was well-decorated, with a mini-bar and a vase of real flowers sitting in one corner. When the concierge left, she sat down on one of the beds and Castle followed her lead and sat on the other, facing her.

"What now?" he asked.

"You want to try calling Alexis again?"

"You call. I think she's more likely to answer if it's you. I'm not even supposed to know she's here, remember?"

Kate nodded and tried calling, but the teenager's phone went straight to voicemail, as it had before. "It must be off," she told Rick with a shrug.

Should I try Meredith?" he asked. By his face it was evident that it was about the last thing he wanted to do.

"Why don't we go shopping first? We have to do that anyway, right? It's still early, we'll call her afterward."

He nodded, relieved. "Sounds like a plan."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** So, I don't think I've really gotten to write any fun Casketty banter in this story yet, so I liked writing this chapter. Anyway. Hopefully you also liked reading it! I don't really have anything else to say, but I will leave you a belated Valentine's Day poem:

Roses are red,  
>Violets are blue,<br>If you're reading this poem,  
>Please leave a review!<p>

(There's a reason I usually stick to fiction. :P)


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **Yay. I wrote that fast. :) I mean, I guess it's not an overly fast update, but this chapter came in like a day, which is really fast for me. I don't know why I'm blabbering about this, you most likely don't care. I'm just a good mood because it's Castle day, my class today was cancelled, and I really like this chapter, and when I'm in a good mood I tend to blabber more. Again, you don't care. I should probably shut up and allow you to read. Okay, have fun. And happy Castle day!

* * *

><p>"Oh, come on. Another plain top? Mix it up a little. Go a little crazy. I'm paying."<p>

Kate frowned. "No you're not."

"Sure I am. Seriously, get whatever you want."

"Castle, you are not buying me clothes. That's way too weird."

"Why is that weird?"

"It just… is. I'll pay for my own things. Thank you for the offer, though."

"It wasn't an offer. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me, and you wouldn't need to be buying any of this stuff. I'm not kidding. You don't get to pay for anything until we're back in New York. It's the least I can do."

"Castle—"

But he interrupted her. "No arguments."

She sighed, realizing she wasn't going to gain any ground. "Fine, but you don't get to tell me what to buy. I picked these because I like them, not because they're cheap."

"Well, I guess they're acceptable," he conceded dramatically, "but we can't know for sure until you try them on."

She rolled her eyes. "Nice try. Aren't you supposed to be depressed?"

His grin immediately disappeared. "Just making lemonade," he muttered. "You know, I really don't _like_ feeling like crap."

As soon as she saw his reaction, she regretted saying it. She'd only meant it as a teasing comment, but she should've realized it was too much. She'd gone too far. "Oh God, I'm sorry," she said, overcome with real remorse. "I didn't mean—" But she couldn't explain away her misplaced quip. She had no excuse other than a sudden attack of insensitivity. "I'm sorry," she said again.

"Hey," he said, smiling again, but this time it was less jovial and more strained, "you're here, aren't you? No need to apologize."

"Come on," she said, nodding toward the front of the store. "Let's check out."

"You're done?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I think I have enough to last me a couple of days."

"Good. Me too. Hopefully we can wrap this little trip up quickly and get back to our lives."

She shrugged. "As long as it takes."

"Our next move has to be to get in touch with Meredith, doesn't it?"

She sighed and set her things on the check-out counter. "Unless Alexis starts answering her phone, I don't see any other options."

Castle pondered that silently as the girl rang up everything they'd bought. He finally gave up around the time he was handing her his credit card. "You're right," he admitted. "But I really don't want to."

Kate mumbled a "thank you" to the check-out girl and picked up most of the bags, leaving two for Castle to carry. "I get that she's not your favorite person right now," she said as they left the store, "but she's still Alexis's mom. You're always gonna have to deal with her."

He sighed, almost frustrated. "It's not just that she isn't my favorite person. This is beyond my being annoyed with her because she's Meredith and she's annoying. She lied to me, and to Alexis, for eighteen years, and I think I'm glad she did. I used to believe there was nothing more important than the truth, being honest with the people you love. What am I supposed to believe now?"

Both put their bags into the trunk and he closed it, maybe a little harder than was necessary.

"Let me call her," Kate said softly as they got into the car, Castle on the driver's side.

He frowned. "What?"

"Give me your phone, I'll call her. You don't want to deal with her, so let me do it."

"No. You barely even know her."

"So what? All we're trying to find out is if Alexis is with her, I can do that as well as you can."

"Let me get this straight. You want to call my ex-wife?"

She shrugged. "Not really, but we do need to get in touch with her. And I do have a few choice words I wouldn't mind sharing with her."

He frowned. "Because _that's_ productive." But still, he highlighted a name in his contacts and handed her his phone. "Just find out if she's seen Alexis and anything she knows about… who she's looking for. That's all we need from her."

She nodded. "Give me a little credit, I get information out of people who don't want to give it for a living. I know what I'm doing."

"Yeah," he said, under his breath, "but I've seen you in the box with people you're mad at, and it's not pretty."

She raised an eyebrow as she dialed the number. "I'll keep it professional," she promised, although she wasn't exactly sure that she believed herself.

She'd only heard Meredith's voice once, but besides humiliating Castle, which even now she had to admit had been pretty funny, she didn't have any positive associations with it. But as soon as she heard it on the other end of the phone she recognized it, and she had to stop herself from cringing.

"Richard," Meredith said, rather fondly if Kate wasn't mistaken. "My, my. It certainly has been awhile, hasn't it?"

"Meredith, this isn't 'Richard,'" Beckett said. For the most part she was succeeding in keeping her tone professional, but she wondered if she'd ever be able to verbalize Castle's full first name without some trace of sarcasm. In her mind, he so wasn't a _Richard._ Maybe on something official like the cover of a book or a wedding invitation (wedding invitation? Had she really just thought _wedding invitation? _Why had she thought that?), but in everyday conversation he was Castle. Or maybe Rick. But not Richard. "This is Detective Kate Beckett."

Castle made a face at her, and she realized she probably hadn't needed the "detective" part. Professional or not, she wasn't working now.

"Oh, the detective muse," Meredith said immediately, not even sounding surprised at first. But then the reality seemed to hit her, and she added, "Is everything alright?"

She ignored the question, because everything wasn't alright and Meredith should've been well aware of that. "Is Alexis with you, Meredith?" she asked instead.

"No, not at the moment. I had a call-back, but I think she's still at my place."

Beckett exhaled a relieved breath and looked at Castle pointedly. "So she did see you."

"Well, of course," Meredith laughed. "She is staying with me, isn't she?" Suddenly Meredith's voice changed. "Didn't she tell Rick?"

"No. She didn't tell him anything. She left me a note, but we wanted to make sure she got there safely."

"Oh yeah, she's here, she's fine. Don't worry."

She was shocked by the level of nonchalance in Meredith's voice. She truly didn't seem to understand that she'd done anything wrong. She had a feeling Meredith had no idea that Alexis was hurting, and probably didn't know and hadn't asked why she'd come. And Beckett couldn't see any reason to tip her off. "How long is she staying with you?"

"I don't know, exactly. She said a couple of days. She hasn't really said much, come to think of it. I think she's mad at me," she added, almost as if she was letting Beckett in on a secret.

She rolled her eyes. _No kidding_, she stopped herself from saying. "Can you have her give one of us a call the next time you see her?"

"Oh, so the two of you are finally together?" Meredith asked, more or less sidestepping the question. "I think that's great! You are just the kind of woman he needs."

She felt herself blush. "We're not… together," she managed to get out, purposely not looking at Castle now. "I mean, we're together right now. In the same place. If she calls me, I can let him know."

"Oh," Meredith said, sounding disappointed. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

"Will you just tell her?"

"Yeah, sure," she agreed in a bored tone. "Is that all?"

"Um, no, one more thing. What can you tell me about Alexis's father?"

"You mean Rick," she said, the excited, gossiping tone back in her voice.

"No."

"Oh." Meredith's voice fell instantly. "You mean her birth father."

Maybe there was a slim possibility that Meredith understood a little more than she was letting on. "Yes."

"He was a producer," she said. "His name was Patrick Jenson. But I haven't heard from him in eighteen years."

"Okay." She nodded. "That's all I need, then. Thank you." She ended the call and handed the phone back to Castle with a grimace. "_Ugh._ Does she play dumb, or is she really that clueless?"

Castle rolled his eyes. "Both. What'd you find out?"

"Alexis is staying with her, she thinks she's at her place now. Do you know where it is?"

"Yeah, I do. But what did you find out about _him?"_

"His name's Patrick Jenson, he was a producer, but she hasn't heard from him since Alexis was born."

"Can you call the boys and have them run a check?"

"I can. Is that what you want me to do?"

"Well, yeah. Wasn't that the plan?"

"We could just meet her at Meredith's."

"No."

"Why not? It would be a whole lot easier."

"But then she'd know we're here. I don't want her to think I don't trust her."

"She didn't even tell you she was leaving. I think you'd be justified being a little more skeptical than usual."

"No," he insisted again. "I have to be the cool dad."

"I'm sure she'll understand if you're a little less 'cool' than usual. Maybe not right away, but eventually."

_"No_." He was starting to get frustrated now. "I'm the cool dad. If I'm not the real dad, I have to be something."

"Oh, for God's sake, Castle," she sighed. "This is getting ridiculous. Of _course_ you're the real dad.

"Sorry," he murmured. "I don't know why I keep making you tell me that. It's obviously not helping."

"You're not _making_ me say anything. You know I wouldn't keep saying it if I didn't really believe it. I just think you need to calm down. I know you're upset, and you have every right to be, but Alexis loves you more than anything, and nothing is going to change that."

"She's gonna be so mad when she finds out we followed her here."

"Yeah, well, so what? She'll get over it."

"She's eighteen now. She's an adult. I can't just keep following her around for the rest of her life. What am I gonna do, follow her to college and hide in the bushes to make sure she gets to her classes okay?"

Kate smirked. "Knowing you? Probably, for a little while. But then you'll see her get into her rhythm, and you'll figure out she's fine without you. And then you'll go back to following _me_ around."

"You know what she told me yesterday?" he asked.

She shook her head. "What?"

"She said that you're a good friend, and she understands why I like shadowing you. She's never said anything like that to me before."

She frowned, confused by why he was telling her this.

But he must have misinterpreted the look, because he immediately put his hand out, as if to stop her from saying a thought that she hadn't even had time to form. "I mean, it's not that she didn't like you or anything, she always has, it's just… she hasn't always been crazy about the idea of me working with you. She was worried about it being dangerous. But I think she finally understands that I follow you for more than just book research. That, or she doesn't care if I get hurt anymore because she knows I'm not her real dad anyway."

Beckett didn't bother to stop herself from rolling her eyes. _"Castle."_

"Yeah, okay, I know, probably not."

_"Definitely_ not."

"Fine. But anyway, what I mean is that… it was a big step, for her to say that. I know it was. I like that she's… really starting to trust you. And it's not that she didn't before, but…"

She sighed. "Castle. Point?"

"Right. My point is, she left _you_ that letter, not me. She trusted you not to tell me about it. She told you not to _let _me come after her, and here you are helping me."

"And?"

"So… you're betraying her trust."

"So what?"

"So…?" He stopped, wide-eyed and disbelieving. "What did you do with Beckett?"

"Look, believe it or not, I'm more concerned with Alexis's well-being—and yours, by the way—than I am with her thinking I'm 'cool', or even trustworthy. I'm gonna do what I think is best, not what I think will make me popular, not even with Alexis. Come on. You know me well enough to get that. I think you're more concerned with her liking me than I am. What difference does it make?"

He shrugged. "It's just that, you're both important parts of my life. I don't want you to hate each other."

"Well, I certainly don't hate her, she's a good kid. And I hope she doesn't hate me, but if she's mad at me for showing you the letter and coming out here, then so be it. The funny thing about growing up is that it doesn't happen all at once, no matter how mature you are or how much you think you want it to. You don't know you're not ready to be an adult until you're forced into it too early. Trust me. I've been there. But I don't want that for Alexis, and I know you don't either. Believe me, she still needs you. And you still need to be there for her. For both of you. I'll be your go-between, and I'll help in any way I can, but primarily this is between you and her."

He nodded. "So… where does that leave us?"

She smirked. "In the middle of LA with a trunk full of bags."

"Back to the hotel?"

"I think that's a good idea."

"Will you call Esposito and Ryan for the background check?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I will."

He started the car. "Good. Thanks."

"No problem."

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><p><strong>AN:** I got to write Meredith! Sorry, I'm excited about this. I've never written her before, and it was fun. I love her voice. It's so annoying, and it was so easy to envision. Lanie's still my favorite (secondary character) to write voice-wise, but Meredith was fun. :) I'm blabbering again, aren't I? Yes? Yes. Moving on.

Yes, Castle's being annoying and over-dramatic. But at least he KNOWS he's being annoying and over-dramatic. And I don't think Beckett minds so much. They'll work on it.

I don't know, I just really like this chapter. There's some banter and some important stuff, and I just liked writing it. So... agree? Disagree? Horribly disappointed that Beckett was fairly polite to Meredith? (I have a feeling she'll get another chance...) Reviews are nice. No poem this time, though. :)


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **I happen to have a new chapter for you to read this fine evening. :) Hope you enjoy! And happy Castle day! :)

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><p>"He's not in the system," Esposito informed her over the phone.<p>

She sighed, not sure if she was more relieved or frustrated by this news. It was good that Alexis's biological father (or at least the man who Meredith claimed was her biological father) didn't have a criminal record, but now they were back at square one. "Are you sure? Can't you look at DMV records or something?"

"Not for California. You know that as well as I do. But it's good he doesn't have a record, right?"

"Yeah," she admitted. "That's good."

"How's Castle?"

She tossed a glance at her partner, who was sitting on the edge of his hotel bed doing something with his phone and looked quite concentrated. "He's… been better. But he's okay as long as we're busy. It's the sitting and planning our next move that's hard."

She heard Ryan's voice in the background but couldn't tell what he was saying. Esposito directed an impatient "I _know_" at him. "Ryan says for you to tell him we're thinking about him," he finally said.

Kate smiled. "I will."

"Okay," he said, sounding just a little uncomfortable. "Good."

"Alright, go back to work now. Don't want Gates to know you're talking to me."

"What are you implying?" Esposito asked, making it sound a little like a challenge. "Covert ops are my forte. Gates has no idea."

She laughed. "I'm not implying anything, Espo, I'm just trying to get you off the phone so you guys can go back to your case and we can figure out what the hell we're gonna do now."

"Fine," he said, a little reluctantly. "Later."

"Bye." She rolled her eyes and hung up the phone. Annoying as her colleagues could be, though, she knew their hearts were in the right place and she was grateful for their help. "Our guy doesn't have a record," she told Castle.

He was jarred from whatever he'd been doing and actually jumped a little as he returned to reality. "Oh," he said, frowning. "So what do we do now?"

She shrugged. "I honestly don't know. What if we just find Alexis and talk to her?"

He shook his head. "No, we can't do that. That's not what cool dads do."

She rolled her eyes, tired of that excuse, but not in the mood to argue it now. "Well, I'm not a cool dad," she pointed out instead. "I'm certainly not a dad, and I already told you I don't care if I'm 'cool' or not. What if I just went? You could stay here if you're so against it."

He frowned, like he somehow wasn't processing what she was saying. "What?"

"I'll go to Meredith's and talk to Alexis. You don't necessarily have to come with me. I won't even tell her you're here if you don't want me to. You were right, she gave that note to _me_. She told _me_ where she was going. Maybe I just followed her here. She doesn't have to know you're part of it. I mean, it was my idea in the first place."

"She'll never believe that. She'll know I'm here."

"Well, she's gonna know eventually if she comes home with us."

His face changed. "You'd really do that?"

She frowned. "What, go talk to Alexis? Yeah, what's the big deal?"

"It's just… above and beyond."

"Above and beyond _what_ exactly?"

"What I expect."

"And what _do_ you expect?"

He sighed. "You're making this difficult."

"No, _you're_ making it difficult. Look, I told you. I'm willing to do anything that you think will help. Do you want me to go or not?"

He thought for a long moment before sighing again. "Yes. Please. But be up front with her, tell her I'm here? And just talk to her… Don't make her do anything she doesn't want to do."

She shook her head. "I can't make her do anything. She's eighteen, and she's not my daughter. I just want to talk to her."

He nodded, although she couldn't help but notice that he still looked a little distressed. "Good. She'll listen to you."

She sighed and sat down beside him, although leaving almost enough space between them for another person to sit. "You wanna talk about it?"

He shrugged. "You know what's wrong. There's not much else to say."

"Ryan and Esposito wanted me to tell you they're thinking about you. Actually, I'm pretty sure it came from Ryan, but Espo is too."

He let a tiny smile cross his face. "I know. Ryan's been texting me."

She laughed. She couldn't help it. "Has he really?"

"Yeah." He raised his eyebrows at her. "What? We text sometimes."

Now it was her turn to raise her eyebrows at him. _"Really?"_

He almost laughed. "Why is that surprising?"

"I don't know, I just never thought about it. Do you, like, talk about what you're gonna wear in the mornings?" she teased.

He rolled his eyes. "Every single day."

"No really, I'm curious. What do two grown men text each other about?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, whatever. He asks me for advice about Jenny sometimes."

"He wants marriage advice from a guy who's been divorced twice?"

"I know, he should probably be asking someone else."

"Yeah, well," she joked, "you're probably the only person he knows who's been married, so his options are pretty limited—" She noticed her partner's mournful expression and cut herself off. "Castle. I'm joking."

He shrugged. "You're right, though."

She frowned. "No. I'm not. So you've made a few mistakes. Who hasn't? None of this stuff that's going on right now is your fault. And I know that you're gonna make a good husband someday."

It took a few seconds for her to realize what she'd just said. It had been automatic, a reflex, in effort, she told herself, to make her friend feel better. That was all. But still, she felt her face start to heat up. "I mean, for someone," she added quickly. "You know, when you find the right—If that's what you want."

He smiled, and for the first time in this particular conversation it didn't look entirely forced. Apparently the only way to break him out of his funk was to say something stupid enough that he had to laugh at her. "Should you be going?" he asked mercifully.

She nodded. "You gonna be okay while I'm gone?"

"I'm a big boy, Beckett. I can take care of myself for a couple of hours. Or however long it takes."

She nodded and got up, heading for the door. "I won't be too long."

He cleared his throat with a slight chuckle. "Uh, Beckett?"

She turned back toward him and frowned. "What?"

"Need the car keys?"

"Oh. Yeah. Right." She held up her hand and he tossed them to her. She started to go again, but again he stopped her.

"Do you have any idea where you're going?"

"Oh." She'd been in such a hurry to leave after her embarrassing little mis-speech that she'd forgotten the small detail that she didn't have any idea where Meredith lived. "No. I guess not."

He smiled, and again she had the feeling that he was internally laughing at her. "I'll text you the address. There's a navigational system in the car."

She nodded. "Okay. Good. Can I go now, or is there something else you're gonna tell me I'm forgetting about?"

"Just one more thing."

She sighed and waited for it, whatever it was.

"Thank you."

She smiled, and nodded. "It's no problem."

"Okay, go."

She started for the door one last time, gratefully.

"Good luck," she heard him mutter before she closed it behind her.

* * *

><p>She parked the rental car outside of Meredith's building and just sat there for a minute, looking up at it. She wondered if Meredith would be there. If Alexis would even be there.<p>

But finally she got out of the car and took the elevator to the third floor, where Meredith's apartment was, according to Castle's text. She rang the bell, and it was shortly answered by a smiling woman with red hair.

"Oh, Detective Beckett!" she was greeted. Meredith actually looked surprised, which Kate hadn't previously been sure was even a possibility. "What are you doing here?"

"Is Alexis here?" she asked, not wishing to have any sort of conversation with this woman if she could help it.

"She's in the back. What brings you to LA?"

She raised her eyebrows. "Move, please."

Confused, Meredith stepped a little to one side, giving Beckett the space to walk right past her and into the apartment.

"Hey! Where are you going?"

But Beckett wasn't listening. She poked her head into each door she passed until she found Alexis sitting in front of a computer. The girl must have heard her coming—she wasn't exactly being subtle—because she turned around.

"Kate!" she said, the expression on her face going beyond surprise to astonishment. But to the detective's surprise, the girl didn't look unhappy to see her. "What are you doing here?" Something else seemed to dawn on her, and her eyes widened even further with something like terror. "Is my dad here?"

"He's here, but he stayed at the hotel. It's just me right now."

"Excuse me, what's going on?" Meredith followed Kate into the room, confused.

"Mom, get out," Alexis said firmly. "I know it's your house, but I want to talk to Kate."

Meredith threw her hands into the air in surrender and left the room, closing the door behind her.

"You couldn't keep him from following me?" Alexis guessed.

For some reason what Rick had been saying about wanting Alexis to like her, wanting her to trust her, popped into her head. The girl was more than willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. It would be so easy just to say yes, to claim that she'd tried to stop Rick from following his daughter but, seeing that it wasn't going to work, she'd decided to go with him. She knew that Castle would back her up, that he might even be happy with her for telling that lie. But really, she had no intention of doing it.

"I didn't try to stop him from following you," she said simply. "Why did you leave?"

"I just wanted answers," she sighed, tears suddenly brimming in her eyes. "And I haven't found them yet. You're not going to make me go home, are you?"

"I can't make you do anything," Kate said soberly. "But I do wish you'd see your dad. He's not doing too well right now. It's killing him that you ran away like that."

She frowned. "I didn't exactly _run away_."

"You told him you were going to the movies and you got on a plane. That's running away."

She sighed. There were tears running down her face now, but they didn't interfere with her voice, and she ignored them. "I can't. I can't see him right now. It'll get everything all confused. I have to do this first."

"Do what?" Kate asked. But she was pretty confident that she knew.

"I have to meet him," she said, confirming what Kate had suspected all along. "Just to see what he's like. I have to. I have to know."

"So let us help you," Kate offered. "You don't have to do it alone. We'll find him, and we'll all go together. You, me, and your dad."

She shook her head. "No. Thanks, but no. It's something I need to do on my own."

"Are you sure?" She took another step into the room toward the desk chair where Alexis still sat. "What if he's not what you're expecting?"

"You don't think I've thought of that? I'm terrified. Whoever this guy is, I have half his genes. But I… I just have to know."

"Why don't you just ask your mom about him? Wouldn't that be easier?"

"It's not enough. I have to meet him myself. And besides, I'm not talking to her."

Kate smiled. "Honey, if you're gonna play the adult card, you can't also give your mother the silent treatment. Especially if you're staying with her."

Alexis sighed. "Can you please just tell my dad that I'm sorry for leaving?" The tears on her face had found their way into her voice now, and she was choking back sobs trying to get out the words that she had. "I didn't mean to hurt him. You guys should go back to New York. I'll be home in a couple of days."

Kate shook her head. "We're not going back without you. Look, you're gonna go meet some guy you don't really know anything about and tell him you're his long lost daughter that he never even knew about. If it doesn't go exactly as you're hoping, I want to be around to help, not on the other side of the country."

Before she knew what was happening, Alexis had gotten up from her chair and had her arms wrapped around the detective, hugging her, her tears soaking into the older woman's shirt. Almost instinctively, Kate wrapped her arms around the girl as well, patting her back gently.

Suddenly Alexis pulled away and looked at the floor, embarrassed. "Sorry," she mumbled.

Kate bit her lip, feeling a little awkward. "It's okay."

"Um, so, I found out where he works," Alexis said, changing the subject. "I'm gonna go there tomorrow. So that's… it."

Kate nodded. "Where?"

"If I tell you that, will you and my dad show up there?"

She sighed. "I can't… promise that we won't."

"Then I can't tell you."

"Fair enough. But here." She found a pen and a piece of paper on the desk with the computer Alexis had been using, and jotted down the name of her hotel. "This is where we're staying. Just in case you need it. And if you need anything at all, call me. Okay?"

Alexis nodded. "I will."

"And text me every once and awhile? Or your dad, it doesn't matter. Just to let us know you're okay? I think it would help."

She hesitated for a second, but finally nodded again. "Okay."

"I guess that's all I need. I'll let you get back to what you were doing."

"Wait," Alexis said before she could turn to go.

She raised an eyebrow at the girl questioningly.

"I just, um… I'm actually glad you're here," Alexis said timidly. "You have no idea how good it is to see a familiar face. Besides my mom's."

Kate resisted the urge to soften. "I couldn't not come," she said, a little stiffly. "You shouldn't have taken off like this. I'm not gonna tell you it's okay, because it's not. You said you didn't want to hurt your dad. What do you think hurt him more? Showing him those test results or taking off on him, in search of some guy you don't owe _anything _to? You shouldn't have done that, Alexis. But since you did, we had to come and make sure you're safe. There was no option."

Somewhere during her speech, the girl had begun a fresh wave of sobs. But as much as Kate's every instinct told her to comfort her, she didn't. She'd meant everything she'd just said.

She left the room, squeezing her eyes shut as she closed the door on a crying Alexis. It didn't feel good. It didn't feel good at all. But she wouldn't go back into the room. She didn't have anything else to say.

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><p><strong>AN:** Reviews are nice. Please and thank you. :) No excessively long A/Ns today. Just the chapter. :)


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **I know it's been awhile. Sorry! I got busy and then spring break threw me off a little. But here's a new chapter! See? I haven't forgotten about this story. I couldn't do that... I promise not to leave you hanging for as long this time. :)

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><p>She was lying in bed and the lights were out, but she wasn't asleep. Every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was Alexis's face – the pain she'd left behind when she'd closed the door and left Meredith's apartment without another word. Every time she saw it, her stomach did a back flip. What did that mean? Was she feeling guilty about it? Had she been wrong to point out what she had?<p>

She listened to Rick's breathing in the bed beside hers, and she could tell that he wasn't asleep either. They'd gone to bed a little early, both claiming exhaustion, but for all the time they'd been lying here, at least an hour, apparently neither had managed to fall asleep. A heavy sigh emanated from his direction, and she knew he wasn't any closer to sleep than she was.

"Rick?" she said, very softly, allowing him to pretend he hadn't heard her if he didn't want to talk.

But he didn't do that. "Hey," he murmured. "Sorry. Did I wake you up?"

"No, I was awake." She sat up a little and turned toward him, although from this distance in the dark he probably didn't know it. "You okay?"

"More or less." A beat of silence passed. "I wish she would've agreed to stay with us for the night."

"Would that have helped, though? You'd still know where she's going tomorrow."

"To have her here, instead of with Meredith... it would've helped."

She chewed on the inside of her cheek, wondering if he wished she would've been more insistent. "Sorry. I could've-"

But he interrupted her before she could even figure out how to end that sentence. "No, it's not your fault. That's not what I meant. You did plenty there."

Did she detect a hint of bitterness in his voice, or was she imagining it? "Are... we okay?" she asked tentatively.

She must have been imagining it after all, because he seemed confused by her question. "Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't we be?"

She sank back down into her pillow. "I don't know."

She could hear the frown in his voice. "Of course you do. You wouldn't have asked that if you didn't have a reason in mind."

"I just... Did I cross a line earlier? With Alexis? Should I not have yelled at her like that?"

"I wasn't there, but from what you told me I didn't think you really _yelled _at her."

"I guess I didn't exactly _yell_, but she definitely knew I wasn't happy."

"And you weren't."

"No... I wasn't." She frowned. What difference did that make?

"I don't see the problem."

"It's just that I'm not her mom. I'm not... anything. Not to her. I'm just... me. What right do I have to tell her what she can and can't do?"

"That's not what you were doing."

"Yeah it was. I told her she shouldn't have come here."

"And you believe that, don't you?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Then, again," he interrupted, "I don't see the problem."

She sighed. The problem was that she was seeing her relationship with Castle differently than she ever had before. She wasn't just in his life, she was in his daughter's life too. And she wasn't sure she was ready for that kind of responsibility. Actually, she was pretty sure she wasn't.

"What were you thinking about?" she asked, trying to change the subject. "Why couldn't you sleep?"

"I'm just... imagining what this guy is going to be like. Her real dad, you know? He's probably some tan, sculpted Hollywood guy with an IQ of about a hundred thousand. I mean, you know how smart Alexis is. She didn't get that from her mother."

"Can't argue with that," she said, picturing Meredith and involuntarily rolling her eyes. "But you know, not everything is genetic."

"I guess. It just makes sense. Do you have any idea how often my mother and I used to joke about how Alexis was nothing like us? And now it turns out we're not even related? It makes sense. It just... does." His voice caught, and he stopped talking. It could've been because he'd run out of things to say, but she had a feeling it had more to do with him not wanting her to hear what his voice might betray.

"I think you two have more in common than you think," she told him gently.

He didn't reply. She let a long beat of silence pass, and then on a whim she swung her legs over the side of the bed and took the two steps it required for her to get to his. Her eyes were well enough adjusted to the darkness that she could see his silhouette, sitting up with his back against the headboard. She sat down on the edge of the bed beside him, her bare feet still touching the carpet, and let her hand rest on his arm. In the little bit of light coming in through the window around the curtain, she could see a faint glint of light reflected in a water droplet on his cheek.

"I don't know any more about Alexis's biological father than you do," she murmured. "But I think I've spent enough time with her _real_ father that I can tell you a couple of things about him. He's a really smart guy. He's an amazing writer, and he's not too bad at police work. But the thing about him that's always impressed me the most is how deeply he cares about all the people in his life. Especially his daughter." She met his eyes in the near-darkness. "You've always been there for her. All her life. You made her the amazing person that she is. And that's something that this other guy will never be able to say. No matter what happens tomorrow."

"Thanks," he sighed. "I hope you're right."

"I know I am. She loves you, Rick. You're everything to her. And that isn't going to change. Nothing could change it."

Another long beat of silence passed before he spoke again, in a low voice. "I don't think I've thanked you properly for all of this."

She shook her head. "Don't worry about it. You'd do the same for me."

"I'm not sure how I could," he quipped, starting to sound a little more like the Castle she was used to. "You don't have any kids, and if you did I'm pretty sure you'd know whether or not they were yours."

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes at this. "You know what I mean. We're partners, we help each other out."

"This is above and beyond."

She shrugged. "I don't see it that way."

He sighed. "Will you just let me say thank you?"

"That sufficed." She didn't want him to feel like he owed her anything. He'd gotten her through countless bad situations. She was simply returning the favor.

"No, it didn't." He sounded frustrated enough that she kept quiet and let him finish. "Thank you. For everything. Thank you for helping Alexis when she came to you. Thank you for helping her to tell me. Thank you for taking time off of work to come here with me. And most of all… thank you for being here for both of us every step of the way. And helping me hold it together."

She felt a little bit of moisture gathering in her own eyes, and she was thankful for the lack of light. She hadn't been expecting all of this. It wasn't their norm. It had always just been understood between her and Castle that they'd be there for each other when they needed to be. For some reason he thought this time was different. And she couldn't help but think that just that fact made it a big deal. "It's late," she murmured. "We're both tired. We don't have to do this now."

"I'm done. I just need to know that you heard me."

"I heard you," she whispered. "You're welcome."

He laid his hand over hers, and she clasped her hand around his.

"You can go back to bed now. I don't want to keep you up," he said. But he didn't let go of her hand. Nor did she let go of his.

"One more thing." Almost without realizing what she was doing, just to make herself more comfortable, she slid her legs up onto the bed so that she was sitting the same way that he was, leaning against the bed's headboard.

"What's up?"

"I just… I want you to know that you don't have to 'hold it together' all the time. I know you're more upset than you're letting on. And I get that you want to be strong for Alexis, but when she's not here… it's okay to let go."

"And this is coming from who?" he asked, a skeptical note in his voice.

She sighed. "I know. I'm not the best person at… making my feelings known. So maybe I'm a hypocrite. But this doesn't have anything to do with me. And trust me, I know what happens when you hold everything in."

"And what's that?"

She sighed. "Oh, it depends. Most of the time it'll come up later, when you least expect it. You'll be at work, or in a public place, or in some kind of important meeting, and you'll see something or hear something that'll remind you of whatever you're trying not to think about… and then you'll wind up having to explain to your captain why you started crying in front of the district attorney when he said the word 'tomato'."

He squeezed her hand gently. "I sense experience," he murmured, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"That's my point. And even more importantly, how are you going to help Alexis deal with all of this if you haven't dealt with it yourself?"

He nodded. "Point taken. But I'm dealing with it. In my own way."

"Yeah," she said, unconvinced. "Sure." That sounded entirely too familiar. She was sure she'd said those exact words to her father, family, friends, and a few grief counselors after her mother's death. Granted, Castle's situation was much different, but she had a feeling the cop-out was the same. "Just know that there's no judgment here. If you need a shoulder… I'm here. And if you want space, just say the word. That's all."

"I appreciate that. But I'm fine."

More familiar words. She still wasn't buying it, but she nodded, her point made. She was just thinking of getting up and returning to her own bed when he changed the subject rather abruptly.

"I want you to be in her life."

She frowned. "What?"

"Alexis. She really respects you, more than I think you realize. And it's good for her to have a sane woman in her life, closer to her age than her grandmother. Her mother doesn't really…"

She sensed his point before he had to finish the sentence and interrupted. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that… as much as this whole situation sucks, I like that it brought you and Alexis closer. And once we get past all of this, I don't want that to go away."

"Castle, I don't know. I've never— I don't think I could—"

But this time he interrupted her. "I'm not asking you to be her mother. She's eighteen. She's more or less raised. I just want her to know that if she ever gets into a situation where she needs help and she doesn't want to come to me… she has another option. And one who I trust."

She nodded. "Yeah. Sure."

"And I do trust you. You can give her your opinion. If you think she's done something wrong, you have every right to tell her that. She can choose to take your advice or not, but you should know that what you say does have weight with her. She cares about what you think."

None of this sounded like more than she could handle. She did care about Alexis, and she did want her to know that she could go to her if she needed anything. Castle was a significant part of her life now, and as a result of that, so was his daughter. That didn't change anything about her relationship with Castle. It just better defined the relationship that she and Alexis already had. "I'll keep that in mind," she said.

"That's all I'm asking."

She let her eyes slide closed just for a second, blocking out everything around her so that she could better comprehend everything that had been said. She thought about her own life and the job that she'd left behind, although only for a few days. She thought about why she'd been so willing to do that. She thought about Rick. She thought about Alexis. And then her thoughts began to blur together, until she could no longer identify them individually. She knew only that she was very tired, and very comfortable.

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><p><strong>AN:** Okay, dear readers. We need to talk for a second. Somehow this story got nominated for an award. And I have no idea how this happened, since I didn't even know this was going on. :P It's over at castleficawards dot com. Under Character Fics Alexis Castle. If you want to go vote, that's super-awesome and I'll probably love you forever. Regardless, there are some really good stories on there, so you should go vote for your favorites anyway, if you haven't already. :) And even if you have, because you can vote as often as you want. But I'm actually just really curious about who nominated me. :P I honestly have no clue. And whoever you are, I need to send you lots of hugs and a few (virtual) candy bars. Or maybe a cake. Brownies? Chocolate? Ice cream? Whatever the heck you want, basically. It completely made my whole week when I found out that I was nominated. :) So... shoot me a PM and reveal yourself, because I want to know who you are. :P

Thanks so much for reading and being patient and awesome. :) Reviews are awesome and always appreciated! :)


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: **So I'm going to try to go back to at-least-weekly updating. And even though it's after midnight, I haven't gone to bed yet, so by my rules it's still Monday. So I haven't passed my deadline yet. :)

Fair warning, this chapter might be a bit of an emotional roller coaster. Hope you like it though! :)

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><p>It took her a second to get her bearings. She looked around blankly, her eyes still bleary with sleep. As soon as she saw the empty bed beside her, she realized what had happened. She'd fallen asleep here. In the wrong bed. In <em>Castle's<em> bed.

Her first thought was to get up and move back to her own side of the room as quietly as possible, so that she didn't wake him. Maybe, if she was lucky, he'd fallen asleep around the same time that she had, and as long as she was back in her own bed by morning, he wouldn't have to know about her embarrassing little mistake.

But as soon as she started getting up slowly, trying to put her plan into action, she realized that something didn't quite feel right. Castle's back was to her, but his shoulders weren't rising and falling with the slow, heavy rhythm of someone who was asleep. When she sat up, she expected him to stir, but he didn't. If anything, it seemed that he got even more still. Almost as if he was holding his breath.

She didn't move, and after a long moment she finally heard him let out a long, steady stream of air. He _had _been holding his breath. But why?

"Hey," she whispered.

He didn't react. He held perfectly still, his breathing irregular and far too shallow for someone who was truly asleep. She knew he'd heard her, but he was ignoring her. Why was he ignoring her?

She weighed her options. He obviously knew she was here, but it would be so easy to return to her bed without another word about it. Come morning, maybe he'd say something about her falling asleep beside him, maybe he'd even mock her a little… but then it would be over, and that would be that. And the way he was acting now, she got the impression that if she did just go back to her own bed now, he'd never say another word about it.

She couldn't explain why, but for some reason she didn't feel like she should do that. Her gut told her that something was wrong. She just wasn't sure what it was yet.

"Castle," she said, still in a soft voice, but now above a whisper. She placed her hand on his shoulder gently, but firmly. "Come on, I know you're awake. What's going on? You okay?"

He nodded, but didn't turn over or say anything.

"Okay, I'm gonna need more than that."

"I'm fine," he muttered. "Go to bed."

But he wasn't. Nothing about his voice sounded right, and it wasn't just because he was tired. He didn't sound like Castle. "Rick, come on," she said again, very gently. "Look at me."

After a moment's hesitation, he rolled over, half-sat up, and met her eyes. His were red and swollen, and as soon as she met them she looked away again, uncomfortable. She didn't know what she'd been expecting, but this wasn't it. "What's wrong?" she finally managed to ask, a little awkwardly.

"It's the middle of the night," he said in the same odd, nasal voice. "Go to bed. We'll talk in the morning. I'm fine."

She sighed. "I know you're not."

"Okay, then remember how you said that if I needed space I just had to say so? I need space. Goodnight."

At first, she accepted that. She went back to her own bed and closed her eyes, trying to go back to sleep. But tired as she was, as she absorbed the silence, she couldn't stop picturing Castle's swollen, tearstained face. And it didn't feel right.

"Castle, I can't do this," she finally said, sitting up. "Look, I know I said I'd give you space, but I care about you, and if I know you're upset I can't just… be okay with that. If you really need to be alone I can go somewhere else and try to find another place to stay, but if I stay here you've gotta let me help."

"It's three in the morning," he said again in that voice that sounded nothing like his. "Where would you go? No. Stay here. Get some sleep."

"Not 'til you do. In the meantime, talk to me. What's going on?"

"Nothing. I was just… thinking."

"So what were you thinking about?"

"You know."

She frowned. "No, I really don't think I do."

"Everything. Alexis."

"Specifically?"

He sighed. "She's eighteen now," he started, somewhat reluctantly. "She's an adult. She's gonna be going to college next year. I knew that, I've been expecting it, but now—"

Kate frowned. "What 'now'? What's different?"

"I just know she's gonna do so great in college. She'll have a new place to live, new friends, new classes, new teachers, a new kind of freedom…"

"I'm don't doubt that. She's a smart girl, I'm sure she'll love it."

"But what if she loves it so much that… she doesn't want to leave? She won't have any obligation to come home now. I mean, sure, maybe she'll come home over the summer and Christmas, but in between… she won't have to. Maybe we'll talk on the phone once a week or Skype every once in awhile, but nothing is ever going to be like it was. Our apartment is never going to be her home, not the way it's always been."

"But that's always been a possibility. None of that is new."

"I know, but before… I knew she wouldn't. Alexis is my daughter, but… she's really my best friend. We do things together, we talk about everything. I thought she'd come home just to spend time with me."

"She will."

"How can you be so sure? She left, didn't she? She left New York, she left me, she left school, to go off and find—" His voice had started to shake, so he cut off, took a deep breath, and continued. "To find her real father. Where does that leave us? Where does that leave me? Nowhere good."

"Rick," she sighed, "Alexis loves you. Not because it was biologically predetermined that she had to love you, but because you're _her_ father and you're _her _best friend. She didn't mean to hurt you by leaving. She was just confused, and I think she still is. But she'll go through what she needs to go through, she'll figure out how she's gonna deal with it, and everything will go back to normal between you."

"How can you know that?"

"Because I know you. And I know her. Not as well as I know you, but I know she cares about you. When she first came to see me, she was _so _upset. And do you know why? Do you know what she was more worried about than anything else? Telling you. She knew that you had no idea, and she knew that you'd take it hard. She didn't want to do that to you. She even asked if we could just keep it between the two of us. She was the first person to say that out loud. I'd thought of it before that, but it was never really an option. We couldn't lie to you, neither one of us. And I think she knew that when she asked, but she just so badly wanted to avoid hurting you. That's why I told you, because she didn't think she could. I promise you, none of this is going to change her opinion of you. If anything, it'll end up bringing you closer."

"I couldn't do this without you," he murmured, finally beginning to sound sleepy.

"I wouldn't want you to try," she whispered.

"Kate?"

"Hmm?"

"I…" He trailed off and was silent for a long moment. "Never mind."

She frowned. "No, what?"

"Nothing. It wasn't important."

"It doesn't matter, just tell me."

But he was silent, and when she looked over she saw that he was once again lying with his back toward her, pretending to be asleep. She settled down into her own pillow with a shallow sigh, wondering what he'd wanted to tell her and knowing that she'd probably never find out. When Castle decided not to reveal something, he could be very stubborn.

Before long she heard his breathing become even, and she knew that he had finally fallen asleep. Soon after, she did as well.

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><p>She was confused by the brightness of the light streaming in around the curtain when she woke up, so she glanced at the clock on the dresser. 12:16, it read. She frowned. It didn't make sense that it was just after midnight… had she really slept until after noon?<p>

She looked to Castle's bed, and he was still in it, sound asleep. She knew that neither one of them had been getting enough sleep lately, and they'd been up late the night before, but to sleep in past noon? She couldn't remember the last time she'd done that. Something always woke her, be it work or the birds outside her window or simply routine.

She got out of bed quietly, not wanting to wake Castle. Although it was late, they didn't have anything else to do today, and she figured that sleeping would be better for him than agonizing about where his daughter was. She took a pair of jeans and a simple blue t-shirt out of the small duffel bag that Castle had bought her and went into the bathroom to change. Then she slipped her room key into her pocket and went to the lobby to get a couple of coffees.

By the time she got back to the room, Castle was sitting up and the bedside lamp was turned on. She sat down on the side of the bed, close to where she'd been the night before, and handed him one of the coffees. "Morning, sleepyhead," she said teasingly, not mentioning that she'd only gotten up a few minutes ago.

"Morning," he mumbled groggily, taking the coffee. "Thanks."

"No problem."

Both drank their coffee, neither saying anything until Kate's was at least half gone.

"Thanks for talking me down last night," he finally said. "I was probably being unreasonable, but what you said really helped."

She shrugged. "Oh, don't worry about it. That's why I'm here."

"Yeah, well. Thanks for being here."

She raised her eyebrows. "We did this already."

"I know. But I can't say it enough."

"You already have. More than enough."

He held eye contact with her for a second longer than seemed natural, a strange expression on his face, but didn't say anything and turned his attention back to his coffee.

She finished hers first and set the cardboard cup down on the end table beside the bed.

"Where do you think she is now?" Castle asked, still cradling his coffee cup.

Kate let her hand rest on his shoulder. "I don't know, but I think it's better not to think about it."

"I can't help it."

She nodded. "I know."

He finished his coffee and looked at her again in that strange way that he had a minute ago. It was like he was looking into her eyes, but seeing something far beyond the green-brown of her irises. In turn, she looked into the clear pools of blue that were studying her so intensely, and somehow they seemed to grow. She didn't even realize that it was because they were coming closer until she felt his coffee-scented breath on her cheek.

Even if she'd had time to say something, she didn't know what it would be. But his lips met hers before she could form a word, and while she was a little mystified, her lips knew exactly what was going on, and they seemed more than willing to follow Rick's lead.

He pulled away almost as quickly as he'd started and became fascinated by the bedspread. "Um, sorry," he murmured.

She took the hand that wasn't already on his shoulder and pushed its fingertips lightly against his jaw, coaxing his head to turn and look at her once more. "Don't be."

The hand that had been on his shoulder slid down to his back, and this time she closed the gap between him, leading her lips to his, which now felt like familiar territory. She tasted the coffee on his tongue, heard his heartbeat, and felt the heat of his breath on her chin, her neck. And it all seemed perfectly natural until she realized that this changed everything.

She pulled away, her breathing a little heavier than normal, and quickly got up from the bed. "I'm, uh, gonna go grab us some food," she decided hastily. "Are you hungry? I'm hungry. So… you get dressed, and I'll, um, be right back."

She took the keys to the rental car from the nightstand, checked that her room key was still in her pocket, and left the room without another glance at the befuddled Castle.

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><p><strong>AN:** Believe it or not, I actually had a worse-than-that cliffhanger in mind for the end of this chapter. But it didn't work out that way when I actually wrote it. Oh well. I think this is still plenty cliffhanger-y. :)

Reviews are nice. Let me know what you thought! And as always, thanks for reading!


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **Nice, quick update for you this time. :) I don't know what it was about this chapter, but it just seemed to want to be written. It went really fast. So, in WAY less than a week, I give you Chapter 14. Enjoy!

I'm not gonna do another AN at the end this time, because I don't have all that much to say and because I want it to stand for itself without my commentary, but keep in mind that I love reviews. You probably know that by now, but I'm not going to stop reminding you. :P

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><p>What the hell had she gotten herself into? Now wasn't the time for this. It wasn't the time <em>at all<em>. He was upset. He was vulnerable. Granted, she hadn't _told_ him to kiss her, but she hadn't stopped him either. She'd even started to kiss him back. She was supposed to be making things easier for him, not confusing him even more.

True to her word, partly just because she couldn't think of anything else to do, she found a nearby fast food restaurant and grabbed a couple of burgers for lunch. But she wasn't looking forward to returning with them. What was she supposed to do? What was she supposed to say?

She hadn't come up with any answers when she got back to the hotel, but tempting as it might've been, she couldn't just stay out all day. First of all, and most importantly, she'd come here to support him. That hadn't changed. Today was still the day that Alexis was supposed to meet her biological father, the day when he'd probably need her most of all, and she needed to be around. Secondly, she didn't want to run away just because she was confused. She was better than that. She had to be better than that. Plus there was the completely beside-the-point reason that she'd sort of stolen Castle's rental car.

She walked back into the lobby with the fast food bag and looked around casually. Something drew her glance to the little area where there were coffee pots and a couple of tables and chairs. It was a weird time of day, so the lobby was mostly deserted, but someone was sitting at one of the tables: a small figure with bright red hair.

It couldn't be… could it? But she did remember giving Alexis this address. The girl's back was to her, so she couldn't see her face, but it could definitely be her. She walked over toward the coffee machines, thinking she could pretend she had a random mid-afternoon coffee craving if it wasn't Alexis (and it wouldn't be hard… she'd certainly been there before). But before she even got close enough to reach the cups, she managed to toss a casual glance in the teenager's direction, and there was no longer any doubt in her mind.

She didn't say anything, but sat down at the table across from Alexis. After the way she'd left the day before, she wasn't sure where they stood anymore.

"Beckett," the teenager said, startling when she recognized her. Immediately afterward, she looked at the table shyly. "Hi."

She wasn't even surprised anymore by the redness of Alexis's eyes. She almost couldn't remember the last time she'd seen her _not_ crying. She wasn't okay with that, but she was used to it. "Hi," she echoed softly.

"I'm really sorry," Alexis said, still staring at the table top. "You're right. I shouldn't have left. It was immature and stupid and I hurt _everyone_… I'm missing school, you're missing work, and for no good reason."

She felt like she could melt, right there. She'd expected Alexis to be mad at her, not to apologize. Castle's daughter was such a different kind of teenager than she'd ever been. She reached across the table and let her hand rest on top of Alexis's. The girl looked up, she offered a small smile, and just like that, without words, it was understood. She was forgiven.

"Did you meet him?" Kate finally asked.

Alexis nodded.

"What happened?"

She shrugged. "He didn't… want anything to do with me. He said he had a daughter and I wasn't her. Then I told him who my mother was and he just said that was a long time ago. I said I didn't want anything, that I just wanted to talk to him, but then he called security and I ran out of the studio as fast as I could. Called a cab… but I didn't want to go back to my mom's, and I found this address in my pocket, so… I came here."

Kate sighed. "I'm so sorry."

"I deserve it though. You're right, I already have a dad. And I'm not looking for a new one. I just… I thought that if he was a part of me, I wanted to know who he was. But it was stupid."

"It wasn't stupid. I probably would've done the same thing in your position."

"But… he was _mean._ Does that mean… that's part of me too? Is that why I ran away without bothering to think about who else it was going to affect? Did I get that selfishness from him? What if I grow up to be a horrible person?"

"You didn't."

Alexis almost scoffed at that. "I might be eighteen, but I still have some growing up to do."

Kate smiled. "Someday you'll realize how much maturity it takes to even think that. You're gonna be fine. I'm sure about that."

"I don't really look like him," she admitted. "I guess I got most of my mother's genes in that respect. Which is probably why my dad never suspected anything. I just… I hate that my parents are… a guy I just met and don't even like, and a woman who… I love her, but I don't want to turn out like her either."

"Look at me."

Somewhat reluctantly, Alexis looked up from the table and met the detective's eyes.

"You're your own person. Not just a combination of your parents. People aren't that simple. You're the smart, kind, and incredibly mature person that you are because of the experiences you've had and the things that you've learned. And your dad. Not the one you met today, but the one you've known for eighteen years. He's the one who helped teach you how to be who you are."

She seemed to let those words absorb for a minute, and then finally took a deep breath and nodded. "Is he here?"

"Oh," Kate said, finally remembering the bag of food in her hand. "Yeah. I just went out to get some lunch. He's in the room. Want to go see him?"

"If… you think that would be okay. Is he mad at me?"

"Oh sweetie, I don't think he could ever be mad at you."

She half-smiled through her subsiding tears. "Okay, let's go."

Kate led Alexis to the room, swiped the card to unlock the door, and swung it open. Rick's voice immediately came from somewhere in the back of the room, unseen. "Oh good, you're back. Listen, about what happened, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you like that. It was just, I was upset, and you've been so understanding… but it doesn't have to change anything between us. I mean, we have enough to worry about right now."

Quickly, Kate looked at Alexis, who was shrinking back toward the door. She shook her head, nonverbally pleading with her to ignore all of that. She wished she could've stopped Rick from talking, but it had all come out so fast. She walked further into the room and found both of the beds made and him sitting on the edge of one, now fully dressed. "I… brought lunch," she announced, holding up the bag. "And something else I think you'll be even happier about." She nodded to Alexis, who was still behind her, but not yet in a place where her father could see her.

She crept around the corner, and as soon as he saw her he was up off the bed, wrapping his daughter in a full-fledged bear hug. "Oh, baby, I'm so happy to see you," he murmured, squeezing his eyes shut.

She wrapped her arms around his back, and once again Kate felt that she didn't quite belong here. Almost instinctively, she took a step away from them, but continued to watch the interaction.

"Me too," Alexis said with fresh tears in her eyes. "Oh my god, you have no idea how much."

"I think I might." When the hug ended, he held her shoulders out at arm's length, as if he hadn't seen her in months and he wanted to see if she still looked the same. He studied her face with a curious doting expression, as if she was made of a rare substance more valuable than gold but more fragile than glass.

"I'm so sorry, Daddy," she moaned. "I shouldn't have left like that."

"Shh, it's okay. I'm just glad you're back."

"No," she said, frowning stubbornly. "It's _not_ okay. I was wrong, and I deserve to be punished."

"I'm not gonna punish you."

She frowned, almost seeming upset by this. "Why not?"

"Because you're old enough to make your own decisions."

"But I still have to deal with the consequences of those decisions," she reminded him.

He nodded. "You have, haven't you?"

She started to nod, but then had an idea. "You can cut off my credit card," she suggested, almost hopefully.

He chuckled. "I'm not gonna do that."

"You could refuse to pay my college tuition."

"Alexis." He squeezed her shoulders and let go, still looking at her in that way that seemed to go beyond love. "Forget it." He gave her a little sideways smile. "You ready to go home?"

She nodded.

"Good." He took out his cell phone and started doing something with it, presumably looking for plane tickets.

"So, um," Alexis started, a little awkwardly, "what were you talking about when we came in? Did something happen between you two?"

"Oh, it was no big deal," Beckett began to protest, but Alexis more or less ignored her, looking only at Rick.

"You said you kissed? That doesn't sound like 'no big deal'." She didn't seem angry exactly, but she was being very serious.

"Nothing's changed, Alexis," Kate cut in gently. "I'm me, and your dad's your dad, and that's… it."

"Why?"

She frowned. "Why… what?"

"Why is that it? Why has nothing changed? I mean, you obviously love each other. You told me that, and _you_," she turned back to her confused father and scoffed. "I _know_ you."

"Sweetie, now just isn't the right time," he said.

"Why not? You've been alone in a hotel room together, for goodness sake. What more do you need?"

"It's not a good time because of everything that's happened."

"You mean because of me."

He frowned. "No. Of course not. None of this is your fault."

"But what if I wasn't in the picture at all? Like it's supposed to be? What if I lived with mom, or with this other guy, and you had never known I existed at all?"

"Then my life," he said earnestly, meeting his daughter's eyes, "would be very different. In all kinds of ways."

"Would you be together?"

"I have no idea."

"Would you be happy?"

"I have no idea. But—"

But Alexis wouldn't let him talk. "I don't want to get in your way anymore," she said. "You need to start making your own decisions without taking me into consideration. You want to be with Detective Beckett? You should be. You want to have random, meaningless affairs with women you've never met? Go right ahead. You want to eat whipped cream for breakfast? I won't stop you. You want to spend a year in Tanzania doing research for _African Heat_? Do it. People keep telling me I'm an adult now. I'm not your responsibility anymore. I won't weigh you down."

Rick tried to argue, but before he could even get a word out she turned to Beckett and continued her speech. "And Detective Beckett, thank you so much for everything, but I'm not stupid. I know why you're really here, and I know it doesn't have anything to do with me. So, um, I'll get out of your way, and just someone text me and let me know when the flight is, and I'll meet you in the lobby here."

The teenager slipped out the door without any excessive drama, as if it were a perfectly natural thing to do. Kate gaped at Rick for a second and he gaped back, both sharing in a "what the hell just happened" moment. But then in the same instant, they both caught up.

"We gotta—" Rick started.

She nodded. "Yeah. Let's go."

Kate reached the door first out of sheer proximity, but by the time she opened it Rick was already on the outside, chasing his daughter down the hotel corridor. She took the first few steps at a trot to catch up with him and then flanked him all the way to the lobby, feeling a little like she should've been wearing her bulletproof vest. But this was a very different kind of battle than those she was normally involved in. While the stakes weren't life and death, she didn't feel like they were much lower.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: **So I'm updating this a little later than I wanted to (just a day, I was hoping to have it done by this time yesterday... oh well), but it's a little longer than usual, so maybe that will make up for the wait. Not that I'm behind, actually, I think the last chapter was less than a week ago. Actually, I know so. So I'm good to go. But anyway. I don't know why I'm blabbering about this. Actually I do. Small amount of sleep plus large amount of coffee. But, um, yeah, still blabbering. Let the record show that I wrote most of this yesterday, and all of it pre-caffeine frenzy. So it should be fairly cogent. But I make no promises about these ANs. Umm... I know there was something else I wanted to say... OH. Yeah. This is actually sort of important.

I was recently asked (and I'm pretty sure it's come up before too, but I don't think I ever addressed it) whether Kate's shooting and Castle's "I love you" fall within this storyline or not. And I think that's an important point, not to mention something that's probably on pretty much everyone's mind right now, so I wanted to just generally address it. In my mind, all of this takes place in season four (probably in the middle of the season somewhere), so yeah, that would be part of it. I don't think Kate has been thinking much about it because she's been more focused on everything that's been going on with and between Rick and Alexis, but it is out there.

Okay, that's all for now. More blabbering at the end. (Apparently I'm feeling long-winded today.) But for now I'll shut up and let you read. :)

* * *

><p>Their hurry turned out to be more or less unnecessary. When they caught up to her, Alexis was sitting on a bench outside of the hotel.<p>

"Sweetheart, you're not in my way," Rick said as soon as he was within earshot. He sat down on the bench beside her. Feeling more out of place than ever, Kate stood behind.

"I know I am. But it's okay. In some ways it was good that Mom decided to tell me when she did. Maybe it's time for both of us to start growing up."

"That isn't even remotely—"

"Don't worry about it, Dad. I'm not mad. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just that I was never supposed to be your responsibility in the first place. So it just makes sense that now that I know that and I'm eighteen, I should start taking more responsibility for myself."

Rick met his daughter's eyes, more serious than he'd ever been. "Do you honestly believe that for the last eighteen years you've been some sort of obstacle for me?" His eyes hardened, filled with something that wasn't quite anger, but akin to it. _"Nothing_ could be further from the truth. Do you hear me?"

His eyes bore into hers until they filled once again with tears and she nodded tightly.

"This isn't the first time I've told you this, and I've never been unsure of it. Not even for a second. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. You're my best friend, and the love of my life. And nothing and nobody will ever be more important to me than you are. Understand?"

Another nod.

"Now, tell me. What are you doing here? How did you find our hotel?"

"Detective Beckett gave me the address when I saw her yesterday," she said, her voice a little shaky.

"Okay." He looked over his shoulder and gave Kate a grateful smile before turning his full attention back to his daughter. "So how did you get here?"

"Took a cab."

"Why? I thought you were meeting—" he broke off, as if he couldn't actually say the words, but then recovered himself and continued, "-today."

"I was. I did. Or… I tried. He didn't… really have any interest in meeting me. So I left."

Rick's eyes filled will real sympathy, although Kate imagined that some part of him was relieved that his daughter hadn't formed any kind of bond with her biological father. But if this was the case, he didn't let it show, not even to peek out around some unguarded corner. "I'm sorry, sweetie. But you know, it's his loss. He should consider himself lucky to be your father. I know I did." The past tense was like a leak, and Kate couldn't even tell if he realized he'd said it that way.

But Alexis noticed. She leaned into his shoulder and snaked her arm behind his back in a little half-hug. "I _do_ consider myself lucky to be your daughter."

"Aw." Alexis's tears were subsiding, but Rick's eyes were beginning to glisten. "I'm so glad," he whispered.

A long wordless moment passed, stretched into minutes which, for Kate, began to feel like hours. It was clear to her that she shouldn't be here, but she couldn't figure out how to slip out without seeming rude or disrupting the peace that had finally formed between father and daughter.

"Don't go back to your mom's," Rick finally said, breaking the silence. "Please? Stay here with us tonight. Our flight is tomorrow morning at nine. First class. The airline with the gummy bears."

Alexis smiled at what sounded to Kate like some kind of inside joke. "I have to at least go back and get my stuff."

"We'll have her send it."

"And you think she actually would?"

He sighed. "Probably not."

"I can go get your stuff," Kate volunteered, finding the perfect opportunity to give Rick and Alexis a little bit of alone time. "Unless," she backtracked, realizing something she hadn't thought of at first, "you want to say goodbye to your mom before you leave. I know you don't get to see her that much."

The teenager actually chuckled. "No, trust me, I've had enough of her to last me for awhile. That would be great, if you don't mind."

She smiled. "Not at all. I still have the car keys, so I'll go do that now." She got the keys out of her pocket and jingled them a little to alleviate the tension that only she seemed to be feeling. "Oh, I grabbed some burgers and fries earlier, the bag's still in the room. You guys are welcome to them if you want. They're probably cold by now though."

She started toward the car, but turned back one more time before she got there. Alexis was still leaning into her father's shoulder, and Rick was staring at what he could see of her as if she was the only thing in his world. And in that moment, she was. And she should've been. This, as far as Kate was concerned, was the dictionary definition of family.

She got into the rental car knowing that the last thing she wanted to do was get in the way of that. Rick's voice echoed in her head. _"Nothing and nobody will ever be more important to me than you are." _ Maybe the best thing would be just to pretend that the kiss had never happened.

* * *

><p>After she'd met her in New York a few years before, Kate hadn't had any kind of desire to ever see Meredith again. It was beyond her wildest imaginings that she'd see the annoying redheaded woman twice in two days.<p>

"Oh, Kate, hello," she greeted her at the door in a white strapless sundress. "I was expecting Alexis."

"Yeah, well, she's with her dad."

Meredith frowned. "You mean Richard?"

"Of course _Richard_," she said, past irritated. "I just came to get her things, we have a flight back to New York tomorrow."

"She isn't even going to say goodbye?"

"I'm afraid not," Kate bit out. "She's not too thrilled with you right now."

Meredith looked genuinely confused. "Why on earth not?"

Kate didn't bother hiding her eye-roll. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you lied to her for eighteen years."

"I never lied to her," she explained simply. "She just never asked."

"Under what circumstances would she feel the need to ask you if her father was really her father? That's just something you tend to assume."

Before Meredith could reply, a man with rumpled hair, an unfastened belt and no shirt appeared from somewhere in the back of the apartment. "Hey Mer, you almost done out there? We have some unfinished business."

Kate let out an exasperated sigh. "Although I'm beginning to see why that might not have been as safe an assumption as you'd hope."

Meredith just smiled, unfazed. "Oh good. Ross, come here. This is Kate. She's a friend of Alexis's father. Kate, this is Ross Stevens, my former costar. And future Academy Award winner." She smiled at him flirtatiously.

"I honestly don't care if he's a future Nobel Prize winner, he needs to leave. I gotta talk to you." Talking to Meredith felt a little bit like reasoning with one of those tiny dogs that were dolled up by their bored, rich owners with pink bows and jeweled collars, but it was becoming increasingly apparent that she wouldn't be able to bring herself to leave without impressing a few key points.

Ross gave her a curiously blank look. "Do they give Nobel Prizes in acting?"

Kate squeezed her hands into tight fists, trying with all her might to keep her composure. Finally she pointed at the man. "Out," she said in her sternest voice. "Now."

He nodded nervously and pushed past the two women and toward the elevator, either not noticing or not caring that he still wasn't wearing a shirt. Kate invited herself into the apartment and closed the door behind her.

Meredith frowned. "Now, what gives you the right to kick my guest out of my apartment?"

She shrugged. "I don't know, maybe the same thing that gave you the right to put two of the people I care most about through complete unadulterated hell."

She squinted her eyes, not quite frowning, but rather struggling for comprehension. "What are you talking about? What people?"

"You can't honestly be asking me that right now." She sighed, realizing that there was nothing to do but spell everything out like she was talking to a second-grader. "Rick and Alexis, Meredith. For eighteen years you let them both believe that he was really her father, when the whole time you knew the truth."

Meredith sighed, and Kate was relieved, because it was the first indication she'd gotten that the other woman was even hearing her. "It seemed like the best thing to do at the time," she said. "And I don't regret it. Richard was a much better father to Alexis than Patrick ever would've been. He was always so absorbed in his own life. He already had a family. He was married. Rick was just… Rick. I knew he was the kind of man who would really be there for her. Patrick would've mailed child support checks and left me to raise her myself, and I knew that I couldn't do that."

Kate frowned. "Couldn't or wouldn't? Tell me you weren't just afraid that having a child would interfere with your… lifestyle." She knew she'd said the last word judgmentally, but she didn't care. If anyone deserved to be judged, it was this woman.

_"Couldn't_," Meredith insisted. "Look at me, Detective. I'm not a mother. It was never part of who I was, and it probably never will be. I couldn't be in charge of another life, I can barely manage my own." She laughed lightly and without much humor. "And you have to understand, when I found out I was pregnant I really did think it was Richard's. Patrick was a one-time thing. Richard and I were in a relationship. The odds were in his favor. I don't even know why I did the paternity test. I guess there was just that little bit of doubt in my mind and I wanted to settle it. But by the time I found out, Richard was already so attached to that little girl. I couldn't take her away from him, and I didn't want to."

For the first time, Kate began to understand Meredith's position. She imagined Rick doting over a baby Alexis, imagined that look on his face that she'd seen earlier, and remembered her own difficulty sharing the results of the paternity test. She remembered that one nagging thought, _What if I just don't tell him?_ The difference was that she ultimately had. Meredith hadn't.

"Don't you think he deserved to know?" she asked.

"Oh, probably. I even thought about telling him a few times, but then I saw him with her, and I… I just couldn't. Tell me something, Detective. Haven't you ever had some piece of information that you knew was important, but you kept it to yourself because it just… made things so much easier?"

Without any kind of warning, an image flashed through her mind. It was Rick's face, mouthing the words she'd been so afraid to hear before the world around her went dark. She suddenly felt inexplicably weak and let her legs carry her almost automatically to Meredith's couch, where she sat down, trying not to let it look like a collapse. "I, uh… I guess I get that."

Meredith sat down on the loveseat that was near the couch, positioned with it at a ninety degree angle. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, closing her eyes for a little longer than a blink and struggling to regain her bearings and remember what she'd been talking about. It seemed that a change of subject was in order. Immediately. "So you decide that now is the time to tell Alexis, out of the blue?"

She shrugged. "Well, yeah. I thought she should know who her father was."

"Didn't you think about how that was going to affect her?"

"What difference does it make? She's eighteen now, it's not as if she needs someone to take care of her twenty-four seven."

"It's just that it changed her entire conception of her life. And Rick's." Kate was relieved by how quickly she was able to shift her focus back to Rick and Alexis. This conversation, this entire trip, was about them, not her. It had to be. "This wasn't something they could just accept and move on from, not either one of them. It was hard. It was painful. And they're starting to work through it now, but if you could see what they've been through over the past few days…"

Meredith frowned. "Alexis has been here with me. She seemed fine."

"If she 'seemed fine' then you must not know her very well, because she was far from it. I don't doubt that she was probably avoiding you as much as she could, but still, I don't know how you could've not been able to tell. And on top of everything else, it can't have been easy for her to find out that her mother, someone she should've been able to trust, has been lying to her for as long as she's known her."

"I didn't see it that way."

"I know you didn't, but that doesn't excuse it. And do you even know that she went to see her biological father?"

Meredith's eyes widened. "Patrick? How could she have done that? I didn't tell her anything about him. She doesn't even know his name. I told you, but I didn't tell her because I didn't want her trying to seek him out."

"Well, she figured it out. She's a smart girl. I think she decided that she had to try to meet him the second you told her he existed. That's why she came here in the first place. Somehow she found his name and the studio where he works, and she went to see him. And then she left even more heartbroken because he didn't want anything to do with her. He wouldn't talk to her. He even threatened to call security."

The first trace of actual pain that Beckett had ever seen registered on Meredith's face. "I could've told her that would happen. Patrick was always very wrapped up in his own affairs. He doesn't accept complications. It's why I never told him about her." She met the detective's eyes. "See, this is why I couldn't be a mother. You're right. I don't even know my own daughter. I just assumed she was here to see me."

"But you are a mother." Kate was glad that Meredith was finally accepting some kind of responsibility, but she still couldn't quite bring herself to forgive her for what she'd done or even begin to soften her opinion of her. Everything she'd watched Alexis and Rick go through was still far too fresh in her mind. "Look, what's done is done. It's not okay, and Alexis might never forgive you, and as far as I'm concerned she'd be totally justified. But you're always going to be her mother, and that's always going to mean something. It wouldn't hurt you to act like it from time to time."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, maybe get to know her a little bit. Maybe call her once in awhile, and actually listen to what she has to say. Nothing crazy. You might even ask her about the things she's interested in, like school or colleges or boys."

Meredith seemed to consider that, and nodded.

"And in a couple of days, after she's had some time to cool off, I think you should call her and apologize."

Meredith's mouth suddenly seemed to get very small. "I don't know if I can do that," she said very softly.

Kate shrugged. "Well, I think you should try. But that's just my opinion." Suddenly she stood up. "So, where are Alexis's things?"

"Right." Meredith went into a back room and returned with a backpack and a purse. "I think that's everything."

She nodded and took the items. "Good. That's it, then." She started for the door, almost as if she'd simply come in for Alexis's things and left the way she'd originally intended.

"Detective?" Meredith asked just before she reached the knob.

She turned back toward the woman. "Yes?"

"Thank you."

She nodded once and left the apartment, feeling a sense of accomplishment that she hadn't expected. Even if it hadn't changed anything, she felt like she'd at least gotten through to Meredith. And she couldn't explain why, but that felt significant.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **So this chapter completely took off in a couple of directions I wasn't expecting while I was writing it. I guess this story's long enough now that it has its own ideas about where it wants to go. Although actually, to be perfectly honest, I think it's been like that from the beginning. And yeah, I have actually planned some of it, but I'll just say that I had no idea that this chapter was going to be this long, and some of the things that came up in it completely caught me off guard as I was writing them. I think it's for the best, though. I think I like where it's going. Or where it... seems to be going. For all I know it'll change it's mind a few more times before it's finished. :P

Anyway, let me know what you thought! Thanks in advance! :)


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: **Okay. So. Before you start reading this chapter, I have some awesome news to share with you. Remember me mentioning the fanfic contest that someone nominated this lovely little story for? (I still have no idea who, by the way...) If you're curious, all of the winners are posted here: http:/castleficawards [dot] com/?p=680

Thank you sosososo much to everyone who voted! You're all amazing. Seriously. This story would definitely not be as far along as it is now without all of your reviews and encouragement. I think you're all amazing, and I couldn't be more honored that I actually won something. I DEFINITELY never thought that would happen when I started writing this.

That said, here's a new chapter for you to read while you wait for The Limey. :) Of course, if you don't read it until after that, that's okay too. But I like to attempt to keep you entertained during those tense waiting periods, so that's the intent. :P Enjoy!

* * *

><p>"Hey, she's back!" Rick greeted her, in much brighter spirits, when she returned to the hotel room. "What took you so long? You didn't eat lunch, did you? Come on, we're going out."<p>

She smiled, because for the first time in quite a few days he was acting like Castle again. "What's the matter, you didn't like the burgers?"

"You were right, they were cold. We gave them to one of the maids. She seemed to appreciate it."

She laughed. "Whatever. Glad I could make someone happy."

"And it's better anyway, because we want to take you out. As a thank-you for everything you've been doing for us."

"Oh, come on. You don't have to do that."

"We want to. Let us treat you."

"You've been doing nothing _but_ treating me since we left the city. You haven't let me pay for anything yet. Except those burgers, and you gave them away."

He laughed. "I didn't mean to offend you."

"I'm not offended, it's just that it's not necessary."

"Just come on. And give me the keys. You don't know where we're going."

"You have somewhere in mind?"

"Of course."

She shrugged and tossed him the keys, which he caught with one hand.

* * *

><p>"This was Alexis's favorite restaurant when she was little," Rick announced when they were seated at a booth in what seemed like a smallish family-owned Italian restaurant. "We had to come here every time we flew out to see Meredith. It's been awhile though."<p>

"They have really good spaghetti and meatballs," Alexis shrugged.

"Everything they have is really good," Rick said. "I'd know, I've tried most of it. Alexis always gets the same thing."

"Because it's good," she argued. "Oh, and dessert is a must."

"And mozzarella sticks?" Rick suggested.

Alexis shook her head. "Appetizer platter."

He grinned. "Pulling out all the stops. I like it. Appetizer platter it is."

Kate smiled. "I hope you're not doing all of this for my benefit."

"No, mostly just for nostalgia's sake. It sounded like fun."

"Can it be Richard Castle?" a waiter asked rhetorically, beaming as he approached the table. "How long's it been?"

"Eddie, my man." Castle shook his hand. "Too long."

"So how long are you in town?"

"I'm afraid this is our last day. Just a spur of the moment trip. You remember my daughter Alexis?"

"Spaghetti and meatballs, of course," Eddie said.

"Do you ever forget anything?"

"Not when it comes to my favorite customer." He looked at Kate. "But she's new. Who's this?"

"This is Kate. She's a friend of mine. Kate, this is Little Eddie. He's the owner's son."

Kate smiled and mentally deduced that "little" must have been a relative term. This man was at least as tall as Rick, and twice as big around. "Nice to meet you."

"Must be pretty special," he mused. "Rick never brings girls here. Except this one, of course." He patted the top of Alexis's head as if she were much younger than she was.

Kate raised her eyebrows and looked at Rick for confirmation.

He shrugged. "Yeah. She is."

"Hmm." He studied her carefully, like he was reading some sort of invisible text. "Let me guess. Pasta primavira. No, wait… chicken carbonara."

She smirked. "Is that your final answer?"

He nodded. "Final answer."

"How's your manicotti?"  
>"Terrible. Absolutely horrific. Worst thing on the menu."<p>

She rolled her eyes.

"Manicotti it is." He exchanged a smile with Rick. "I like her." He turned to her again. "You'll love it, I promise. Actually, the only things on this menu that I don't find satisfactory are in the 'salad' column." He patted his gut with a smirk. "Doesn't show, does it?" He didn't wait for an answer. "Let's see, Rick's always been a tricky one. And it's been awhile, so I don't have a lot to go on. Let me think. Lasagna? Salvage my reputation, buddy?"

He nodded. "Lasagna sounds perfect. And we'll start off with an appetizer platter and a round of iced teas." He looked at her. "Kate? Iced tea okay?"

She nodded. "Sounds good to me."

Eddie nodded. "Perfect. I'll be right back with those."

"Waiter of the year award, Eddie. I'm serious."

"Don't I know it," he said before bustling toward the kitchen.

"So, I kind of have a confession to make," Rick said when Eddie was gone.

Kate frowned, and felt her heartbeat immediately quicken. "A confession?"

"Just that we didn't _just _bring you here as a thank you. There may have been an ulterior motive."

This didn't help. "An ulterior motive," she repeated.

"It's not a big deal, Alexis and I just wanted to talk to you about a couple of things and we thought it would be more comfortable over dinner.

"Right now," Alexis said, poking his arm pointedly, "you're making it _less_ comfortable."

Kate smiled. "Okay, what did you want to talk about?"

"Well, I guess the first thing is we really did both want to thank you for everything you've been done for us. I mean, God knows it wasn't easy, and I don't know how we would've done it without your help."

She smiled. "You've covered that already. You're grateful, I get it. But it's really no problem. You're my partner, it's what we do."

"It's not, though. I mean, sure, we have each other's backs at work, but outside of it we don't usually—I mean, you didn't have to—"

"Castle, come on. Give me a break. How many times have you been there for me outside of work? You've been to my apartment, I've been to yours. _You_ followed _me_ to LA the last time when I was tracking Royce's killer."

"But it's always been connected to a case somehow. This is different."

"I don't know that it is. And anyway, what does it matter? I'm just glad I could help. Whether you see it or not, I owe you that much."

"So I was right," Alexis said softly, more to herself than like she was trying to contribute to the conversation.

But Rick brought her in anyway. "No sweetie, I don't think that's what she's saying."

Kate frowned. "Right about what?"

Alexis more or less ignored her. "No, that's exactly what she's saying."

"Okay, someone want to tell me what you think I'm saying? Because I'm getting the feeling that I don't know what this conversation is about anymore."

"Nothing," Alexis said. "It's not a big deal."

"It is a big deal," Rick argued. "It matters to me, and I know it matters to you, so you can't pretend that you don't care all of a sudden."

Kate sighed, frustrated. "Okay, I would weigh in, except I have no idea what you're talking about."

"It's okay, there's nothing to talk about," Alexis said. "You came here for him. That's what I thought. He's your partner, and you obviously like him… well, love him, right? That's what you told me. So you were trying to help him out. That makes sense. It's what you should do for the people you care about."

So much had just come out of Alexis's mouth that she couldn't quite separate the point. But Rick separated something else before she had a chance. "She told you _what?"_

"Oh, it was just… a figure of speech," she defended herself sloppily.

"A figure of speech," he repeated skeptically. "I'm a novelist. I'm pretty good with figures of speech." He turned his attention back to his daughter. "What did she say?"

"Uh, Castle, I'm right here."

"I know you are," he said without looking at her. "What did she say?" he asked again.

"She said she loves you," Alexis said, not sounding embarrassed about it, but being very careful not to look at Kate. "And she said it more than once, like it was no big deal."

"It wasn't," she cut in. "It was just like, you know, 'he's my friend, and I love him.'" The fact that her face started to go red as soon as it was out of her mouth probably didn't help to make her point.

Rick grinned.

"Are you gonna say something, or are you just gonna keep staring at me?"

"I'm good with the staring," he teased. "You seem to be the only one it's making uncomfortable."

She rolled her eyes, and noticed that the drinks and the appetizers had showed up at some point during the course of the very confusing conversation. She put a few assorted deep fried items on her plate and tried to think of a way to change the subject.

But Rick seemed intent on not changing the subject. "I changed my mind," he said. "I don't want to pretend it never happened."

She sighed. "Pretend _what _never happened?"

"The kiss. In the room, before you left. You remember."

"Of course I remember."

"So…?"

"Can we maybe talk about this later? In private?"

"No one's listening."

"Except Alexis and the waiter you've apparently known for years."

"Ah, you can trust Eddie. Anyway, he's not here right now. It's not like we're his only table. And there's no reason we can't talk about anything in front of Alexis. Every decision that I make affects her too. Sure, she'll be in college soon, but she's still going to be a big part of my life."

Kate nodded. "I know that." Honestly, that was a big part of her hesitation.

"I know you heard what I told him before," Alexis said softly, "and I meant it for you too. Don't let me stand in your way."

She smiled and turned to Alexis. "That's not what I was thinking at all. Just the opposite, actually. You two have this great family thing going. I would never want to come between you."

"Come between us?" Castle frowned. "No way."

"Kate, you brought us back together," Alexis said. "You helped us get through this whole nightmare scenario and come out on the other side just as close as we were before it happened. Of all the women my dad's ever been with, I've never been _less_ worried about someone coming between us."

"Oh." She frowned and ate a piece of calamari. "Then what were you talking about before?" she asked Alexis. "You were saying something about me only coming here for your dad?"

She nodded. "Oh, yeah, it was nothing. It was stupid. I get it now."

"What didn't you get before?"

"It's not important."

"Tell me anyway."

"No. You'll think I'm so immature."

"I promise I won't think of you any differently."

"Just tell her, Alexis," Rick coaxed.

"I just thought, before, when we were at your apartment… and then later, when you showed up at my mom's… I thought maybe you were actually trying to help me."

She frowned. "Of course I was."

"No. I mean, yeah, you were helping me because you thought it would help him, and he's your partner and all that stuff you were just arguing about, but you did everything for him, not for me. Which makes sense, because you barely know me. I get it, I do."

She smiled. "I don't think you do. Yeah, I wanted to help your dad. Of course I did, because he's my friend and I do care about him. But I wanted to help you, too. And not just because of your dad. Maybe I don't know you that well, but when you showed up at my apartment so upset, I knew that I was going to do whatever I could to get you through whatever it was that was going on in one piece. Because I hated seeing you like that. And yeah, you're my partner's daughter, and I probably wouldn't know you at all if it wasn't for that, but I do, and I care about you. Not just because you're Rick's daughter, but because you're Alexis." She stopped and contemplated a mozzarella stick. "Do you get that?"

Alexis took a long drink of her iced tea and then nodded slowly. "I get that. And I appreciate it."

Rick kept looking between them with an expression of something that could've been pride. "So where do we go from here?" he mused.

Kate shrugged. "Home."

"And then?"

"And then… we'll see."

"Why can't we see now?"

"Because we're in a restaurant."

"So?"

"So… I don't know. It just doesn't seem like the right place."

"What would be a better place?"

"I don't know."

"Then why not here? This place means more to me than anywhere else in this city. Why not make it mean something to both of us?"

She shrugged. "Because I haven't tried the food yet," she joked. "What if it's no good?"

"I promise, it's good."

"So I'm just supposed to take your word for it?"

"You've had the appetizers. You liked them, didn't you?"

"Yeah, they were good. But you don't want me to base an entire relationship on appetizers, do you?"

"You're stalling, and you're doing a ridiculous job of it."

She shrugged. "Yeah, well."

Before he could continue with the accusation, Eddie showed up with their dinners. "Spaghetti and meatballs," he announced, setting Alexis's plate down in front of her, "lasagna, and manicotti."

"Thanks Eddie," Rick said, dismissing him.

"No problem. Enjoy."

He left, and the conversation lulled as all three started eating. Eddie hadn't been kidding about the manicotti. It really was delicious. But of course, the quality of the food didn't have any real bearing on what was going to happen between her and Rick. After everything that had happened, how involved she'd gotten with Alexis, and the way he'd said he didn't want to pretend the kiss had never happened, she doubted that going back to the way things had been before was a realistic possibility.

She really only had two choices. The first was to move forward. To take her relationship with Rick to a new level, to a place where they'd never been before. To a place where they could kiss each other without the resulting awkwardness, and see each other outside of the precinct whenever they wanted, without any kind of excuse. A place where the word "partner" would mean something completely different than what it meant now. The possibilities of this both thrilled and terrified her. It was Castle. She knew him. She trusted him. She loved him. And he loved her. He'd told her that once, although he didn't know that she knew it. But she'd never had a romantic relationship that hadn't ended. Why should she believe that this one would be any different? There was so much that could go wrong. So many complications that could destroy whatever they managed to build. And the bottom line was that she didn't trust herself not to do something stupid that could wreck not only her relationship with Rick, but whatever friendship they'd had before that. The last thing she wanted was to lose him completely.

The second choice was to take a step back. Not to cut him out of her life – she couldn't do that now, not intentionally – but to change the relationship that they had. She knew that they couldn't go back to simply being colleagues, so she thought that maybe she could limit the work aspects. She doubted that she could stop him from going to the precinct altogether, but maybe she could limit him to once or twice a week. And then maybe she could see him outside of work more often, maybe go to the loft every once and awhile and hang out with him and Alexis, but in a strictly platonic way. She had to admit that she didn't much like this option, and she doubted that it would work, but it felt so much safer than the first. If Castle agreed to it, she believed that she could make it work without worrying about ruining their friendship. But then, what if he didn't?

"When we get back to the city," she finally said, looking across the table and meeting his eyes, "we'll go out somewhere. Just the two of us."

"Like a date?" he asked.

"Yeah." She smiled. "I'll even let you drive."

"Really?"

"Sure. And then after that… we'll see what happens."

"So right now we're…"

"Friends. Who care about each other. And are planning on going on a date soon."

"I can live with that."

"Good."

He smiled, and looked down at his plate. "That must be some manicotti," he murmured.

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><p><strong>AN: **I feel like this story is starting to wind down a bit. I'm thinking it'll probably end up being around 20 chapters. Unless it makes some crazy turn on me and decides to be longer. We'll see how it goes. But that's how I'm seeing it right now. Just so you know, so it doesn't just end, and everyone's sort of looking around like, "What? What happened? Where did the story go? What's going on? WHY IS IT OVER?" Because that would be bad. :P

Anyway, thoughts? Reviews are excellent. :)


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: **So hopefully this chapter isn't dramatically disappointing. It took longer than I wanted it to, and then when I finally did finish it I think it's a little on the short side. On the positive side? This is Chapter 17. (Pause for the totally called for, "duh.") I'm almost done writing Chapter 18. I was in a very "just shut up and keep writing" kind of mood today. So depending on how tonight/tomorrow goes, it's entirely possible that the next chapter will be up very soon. I can certainly promise that it'll take a lot less time for me to post it than this one did.

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><p>Kate adjusted her top in the mirror of the hotel's bathroom, aware that she was stalling. The outfit, chosen by her but purchased by Rick, wasn't complicated: a fairly loose t-shirt in a dark shade of magenta and black yoga pants. In the store, she'd actually given what she should wear to sleep a considerable amount of silent thought. She'd chosen a shirt made of a soft fabric, but in a color that she thought was flattering. She'd chosen the yoga pants because they'd be comfortable but also make her butt look good. Maybe he wouldn't notice, but if he did… well, she was okay with that, too.<p>

But in the course of one day, everything had gotten so much more complicated. Castle had gone from a good friend who she cared a lot about and would occasionally flirt with, although never acknowledging it, to someone who she wasn't yet dating, but was talking about dating. A date had been proposed. And wasn't going out on dates together the primary concept behind the word "dating"?

On top of that, his daughter was here now. Even if everything had been the same between her and Rick, that alone would have changed the dynamic of the stay. He and Alexis were a family. That automatically made her the outsider, no matter how much they tried to tell her otherwise.

She went back out into the room to put the clothes she'd been wearing earlier back into her duffel bag, and found Rick and Alexis curled up on the couch watching TV. "Kate, great, join us," Rick offered brightly. "Anthony Bourdain is about to eat… you know, I don't think I want to know what it is, but I definitely wanna watch."

"Uh…" She tried to think of a way to politely decline. She didn't want to intrude, but she couldn't say that because she knew they'd insist that she wasn't. But it was obvious that she didn't have anything else to do, so she shrugged and said sure. They were sitting off to one side of the couch, close enough together that there was an entire cushion free on Rick's other side. She took advantage of this, sharing the couch while still retaining her personal space.

But Rick was having none of that. He let his arm rest on the top of the couch behind her, and although they didn't touch, somehow it pulled her into the group. Instead of Rick and Alexis, and Kate, it became Rick, Alexis, and Kate. It was different, but she didn't dislike it. She found herself wondering if she could have a place here, with the Castles. Not just on the couch, but in their lives. She didn't want Alexis to think she was trying to replace her mom, and she didn't know what was going to happen with Rick, whether their relationship was going to turn into something more than it was now. But even assuming it didn't, assuming everything stayed the same… would it be crazy for her to think that she could create her own little niche? A place with these people where she could curl up and get comfortable?

She couldn't explain it, but something about sitting here with the two of them, watching the Travel Channel and listening to them make plans about where they would one day go and what they wanted to see, while laughing at Rick's constant commentary about the various foods that Anthony Bourdain encountered (which ranged from a ridiculously exaggerated grimace to "ooh, that looks good, I wanna try that"), just felt right.

After a long day of work, she could imagine herself foregoing the solitude of her own apartment in favor of the Castle loft and settling down doing something similar. She felt like that image should have scared her. Like maybe, as little as a week ago, it would've. Being a part of a family, even if she wasn't a true member, was a huge commitment, and one that she'd never been sure could trust herself to undertake But now, after all that she'd watched them go through and, to an extent, gone through along with them… it didn't seem like such a reach.

Her thoughts were interrupted when her cell phone buzzed. It startled her. No one but Rick or Alexis had contacted her in quite awhile, and she'd almost forgotten that it existed. That there was a world outside of this hotel room, one that she'd been ignoring. When she looked at it and saw a new text from Esposito, she immediately felt a little pang of guilt. The last time she'd talked to the boys had been when she'd had them run the background check on Alexis's biological father the day before. She'd promised to keep them apprised, but to be honest she'd completely forgotten.

Rick obviously noticed her preoccupation and gently nudged her back into the moment. "Hey," he said. "What's up?"

She shook her head. "Oh, it's nothing, I just got a text."

"From?"

"Esposito."

"Wants to know when you're coming back?" he guessed.

She shrugged and opened the text. "How's it going?" it read, simply.

"Better," she typed to him. "Be back tomorrow." Then she turned back to Rick. "I can't imagine Gates is thrilled. I've been out for two days. And by the time we get back tomorrow my shift will probably be over, or close, so I guess it'll be three."

He looked a little guilty at this. "Sorry."

"No, I'm not saying it's your fault." She smiled. "Just that I can't remember the last time I missed three days of work."

"It's good to make them miss you once in awhile," he joked.

She laughed. "I guess."

"You need me to talk to Gates?"

"Nope. As far as she knows I'm at home sick. And that's all she needs to know."

"I'm never gonna be able to pay you back for this."

"Don't worry about it. Anyway, my guess is you will eventually. It's the partner thing. Everything balances out. There's no reason to keep track."

He smiled. "I guess you're right. So… I got you next time."

She nodded. "I know you do."

* * *

><p>Rick harassed the flight attendant the whole way back to New York. He started by ordering champagne for the two of them and ginger ale for Alexis, which, he said, at least looked a little like champagne, so that they could toast the end of the trip and the beginning of a less trying time. But as soon as he'd finished speaking the plane hit some turbulence, and Rick ended up wearing most of his champagne on his shirt. Kate and Alexis had both been a little more graceful and managed not to spill.<p>

The rest of the flight was spent with a never ending succession of snack food: tiny bags of pretzels, peanuts, graham crackers, and, as she remembered him declaring to Alexis the day before, gummy bears. All of this did make the nearly five-hour flight go much more quickly than it would've otherwise, and if she knew Rick at all, the flight attendant would be well-tipped for dealing with him before he got off the plane. They played endless tournaments of hangman and tic-tac-toe on napkins, something else Rick kept asking for more of, with the winner of each game playing against whoever was sitting out. When that got dull, they moved on to an oddly contrived version of Pictionary, which somehow turned into a game about trying to draw the other nearby passengers and then somehow make the person drawing understand who you thought it was without the stranger-in-question realizing that they were being talked about. It wasn't always successful, and all three were on the receiving end of several glares, which somehow made the game even more hilarious than it had already been.

Castle had arranged to have a car waiting when they got to the airport, and when they'd loaded what little luggage they had into the trunk he turned to Kate. "You're welcome to come to our place for a little while if you want," he told her. "We'll probably order some takeout if you're hungry."

He held the car door open for her and she got in beside Alexis. She expected him to sit in the front beside the driver, but instead he motioned for her to slide down and got in beside her, leaving her in the middle. "As tempting as that offer is," she said, "I really need to go home."

He nodded. "Okay. You wanna get something to eat before you go?"

She smirked. "I can feed myself, you know."

He chuckled. "I'll take that as a no?"

She nodded, and he gave the driver her address.

"So will I see you at work tomorrow?" she asked.

"Absolutely."

She nodded. "Good."

* * *

><p>It had been days since she'd actually been by herself for more than a couple of minutes, so when she was finally alone in the peace of her own apartment, she expected it to be a relief. She expected to bask in the silence for awhile, enjoying her own company. She always had in the past. Sometimes it was just nice to be alone.<p>

But after she showered and changed into clothes that she'd actually bought herself, the quiet started to sink in around her, and she realized that what she felt wasn't relief. It was boredom. Maybe even loneliness. She'd gotten used to being around Rick and Alexis, and she'd enjoyed it. Now that she was on her own again, she found that she missed their company. She missed being a part of that little unit. That family. She'd see Rick the next day, but when would she see Alexis again? Soon? A day? A week? Or longer?

She wondered why she was suddenly thinking about this. Alexis had never really been a big part of her life before. What had changed? Nothing really, but also… everything.

She wasn't sure what made her do it, but just before she went to bed she typed out a simple goodnight text and sent it to both Castles. That was all she typed. "Goodnight." Then, not really expecting either of them to reply right away, she set her phone down on her nightstand, got into bed, and turned off the light.

Within a minute, no more, she heard her phone beep twice, signifying that she had two new messages. She picked it up to read them, the display almost blindingly bright in her otherwise dark bedroom.

Alexis's text had come in first. It said, "Night, Kate. :)" She couldn't have kept from smiling if she'd tried, not that she wanted to. She felt herself growing more and more attached to Alexis by the day, although at this point she couldn't explain why. But she wanted Alexis to know that, although she'd made it through the worst part of the crisis that Kate had been helping her with, it didn't mean they couldn't talk anymore. She still wanted to be part of Alexis's life, and she hoped that this little correspondence, no matter how trivial it might've seemed, was a step in the direction of letting her know that.

Next, she opened the text from Rick. "Goodnight, my favorite detective," it read. For half a second she considered replying with some quip about how she was going to tell Ryan and Esposito that he'd said that, but instead she just closed it and set her phone back down on the nightstand. She sank into her pillow in her own bed, which, after a few nights away, seemed more comfortable than it had ever been before, and for the first time in years, she fell asleep happy.

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><p><strong>AN: **Thoughts? Oh, side-note. For some reason this site has been refusing to send me review alert emails lately, so it's been taking me longer than I want to actually see that I have reviews, and as a result of that I've been worse than usual about replying to them. But I am still getting them, and I DO still love reading them, so keep 'em coming, please? Thanks for reading, as always!


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: **Thanks for all the awesome reviews of the last chapter! I'm glad you liked it. :) And, as promised, have another chapter. That was a quick update. I'm proud of myself for that. Granted, this one was almost completely finished by the time I posted the last one, but still. Also, guess what? I'm really really close to finished with Chapter 19. So that shouldn't be too long either. It's the time of the semester, I swear it is. I get all stressed out about how much schoolwork I have to do, so I ignore all of it and write copious amounts of fic instead. Not the best study strategy perhaps, but... much more enjoyable than the alternative. But I'm seriously blabbering now.

So for those of you who are curious... yep, we're getting down to it. I said I was shooting for 20 chapters, and I actually have a rough outline now, and it looks like that's actually what's going to happen. Granted, I've never been especially rigid with my outlines, so there's some wiggle room, but yeah, probably only two more chapters after this one.

As for this chapter... fair warning, it's not as fluffy as the previous one. But I hope it's still enjoyable! :) Go read it now. I'll shut up, I promise.

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><p>When she finally returned to the precinct on Monday, she found a disturbingly large mountain of paperwork waiting for her on her desk. At first glance she didn't even know what some of it was, which meant she'd have to read through it pretty thoroughly just to figure out why it had been given to her and what she was supposed to do with it. In the back of her mind was the suspicion that Gates had done this on purpose, as a kind of punishment for being out for as long as she had. Both Ryan and Esposito were avoiding her desk like it was the plague, apparently afraid of being obliged to offer to help, which they obviously didn't want to do. So again she found herself curtained in silence and monotony. She hadn't become a cop to spend hours behind a desk doing paperwork. But neither had anyone else here, so she was on her own.<p>

She found herself glancing toward the elevator every few minutes, hoping that the doors would open and Rick would emerge with his customary two cups of coffee. She was more than ready for another jolt, but she didn't want him to get here and find that she already had a cup. He'd promised that he'd be here today, and she trusted that he'd keep his word. She checked her father's watch. Alexis would be in school by now. He could walk in at any minute.

But another hour went by without any sign of him, and her paperwork mountain seemed to be growing rather than getting smaller. She'd wait another twenty minutes, she told herself, and if he still wasn't here she'd get her own coffee.

She actually jumped when she heard her name, in a voice that was decidedly not Rick's. "Detective Beckett," Gates called from the door of her office, "can I see you, please?"

She nodded and got up from her desk, relieved to be getting a little human contact, even though a gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach told her that since she wasn't currently on a case, the captain couldn't have wanted her for any good reason.

"You're feeling better, I trust?" the captain asked her as she closed her office door.

"Yes, sir. Much better." Although she hadn't actually been sick, she didn't feel like she was lying. After all, now that everything between Castle and Alexis was more or less resolved, she did feel a lot better than she had before.

"I'm glad." But the captain's face showed no sign of relief. Just a hint of skepticism.

"Is that all you wanted?" Beckett asked after a pause that was much longer than what would've been comfortable.

"Your shadow isn't coming in today?" Gates asked, rearranging a couple of papers on the surface of her desk.

"Uh, I don't know." She shrugged, trying to give the illusion that she didn't care one way or the other. "I thought he was, but he isn't here yet, so maybe not."

"I hear he's been having some… personal problems… lately."

Beckett frowned, thinking that one of the boys must have tipped her off for one reason or another. But even with this the case, she couldn't figure out why the captain was bringing it up. She'd certainly never shown any concern for Castle's well-being before. But judging from the look on her face, that wasn't what this was about. "Where did you hear that?" she asked, careful neither to confirm nor deny that what Gates had guessed was true.

Rather than answering the question directly, the captain handed her a section of newspaper that had been on her desk. Her attention was drawn to a short article near the middle of the page. She skimmed through it quickly.

_Popular Mystery Writer Receives Devastating News_

_It turns out that bestselling author Richard Castle might have a novel-worthy plot in his own personal life. An anonymous source tells us that Castle's eighteen-year-old daughter might not be his own. He recently traveled to Los Angeles, apparently to confront Alexis's mother. He made the trip with a woman who may have been the NYPD detective who he has been working alongside for more than three years, but with whom he continues to deny romantic involvement. Confirmation to come._

When she finished reading the article, she took a deep breath in an attempt to quell the rage that was brewing inside of her. Who had the anonymous source been? Meredith? But why would she have called the New York papers? That didn't make sense. They'd been so careful to make sure the press didn't get wind of this. How had they?

But she was aware of Gates watching her, and she realized that she had a more immediately pressing problem to deal with. She had no idea how she was going to talk herself out of this one. "How did you see this?" she heard herself ask. It was possible that the captain had just happened upon it, but she really wouldn't have figured Gates for a person in the habit of reading the celebrity gossip columns.

"Apparently the press is desperate for confirmation," she said. "They called looking for my permission to interview you. Which I denied. I will not have my precinct turned into some kind of media circus."

She nodded. No wonder Castle wasn't here. If the press was really desperate for confirmation, desperate enough to call Gates, they'd probably be all over him as soon as he left his apartment. "Thank you," she said, grateful that the captain had refused them access.

"Protocol, Detective. Don't mistake it for a personal favor. I must remind you that you work for the NYPD. Not Soap Opera Digest or Entertainment Weekly or any other company within which personal matters come before business. Now, luckily for you, I am not in the habit of making decisions based on the allegations of shoddy journalists. However, in the future I advise you to be a little more cognizant of where your priorities lie. Do I make myself clear?"

She felt the blood rushing to her face from a combination of outrage and embarrassment. But she forced herself to nod. "Yes, sir."

"Good. I expect all of the paperwork on your desk to be finished before you leave tonight."

Aware that this was not the time to protest, she nodded tightly and headed immediately for the break room. She needed coffee. Now.

Ryan and Esposito were both there when she entered, and as she felt like she had frustration oozing from her every pore, she wasn't surprised that they noticed. "What's going on?" Esposito asked as she began what she was sure would be a battle with the cappuccino machine.

"The press caught wind of what's been going on with Castle," she said, looking only at the coffee maker. "Somehow they found out that I went to LA with them, and a reporter called Gates trying to get an interview with me about it."

"Hence the paperwork tower," Ryan surmised. "That sucks."

"I have to finish it all before I leave tonight," she complained. "I feel like a rookie all over again."

"Sorry, chica," Esposito said. "We'd help if we could, but—"

She wheeled around to face the other two members of her team, abandoning the zero progress she'd made with the coffee, before he could finish the sentence. "You _will _help. I gotta get over to Castle's tonight to see what kind of damage control I need to do there, which means I cannot be stuck here 'til midnight. And neither one of you is leaving before I do."

Ryan chuckled. "Want a bet?"

She nodded. "Yeah, okay. My terms. You help me, or I tell Jenny how you almost lost your wedding ring."

Ryan narrowed his eyes and finally sighed. "Dammit." She'd won.

Esposito was looking triumphant, but was smart enough not to say anything. But that didn't mean he was getting out of staying, either. "And Javi, you're helping or I'm telling Lanie about that stripper you decided you needed to interrogate even though she wasn't even mildly connected to the case."

"Lanie and I aren't even together," he reminded her in a scoffing tone.

"You were then."

"Oh. Right." But then he shrugged. "But we're not now, so why should I care what you tell her?"

"Oh, you don't care? Good." She got out her phone and started scrolling through the contacts, fully willing to call the M.E. if Esposito let her.

"Okay, fine," he sighed, just as she'd highlighted Lanie's name in her contacts. "We'll help."

She wanted to call Rick, but she was aware of Gates watching her more closely than normal, and given her earlier lecture, she didn't dare. But no matter how much mind-numbingly dull work the captain shelled her way, she found that she was more concerned about the Castles' plight than her own. She knew how much he'd wanted to keep this information from the press, and now that they'd found out and were probably hounding him for interviews, he couldn't have been pleased. She did manage to send him a text, reading, "I saw the article. You okay?" But in the forty-five minutes since she'd sent it, she'd had no response.

When her phone finally did ring her heart raced, but she frowned when she saw that it wasn't Rick's number, nor was it Alexis's. Whoever was calling her wasn't in her phone at all, and it wasn't a number she recognized. She picked it up anyway, secretly hoping that it was Rick calling from a different phone, or something to that effect. "Beckett," she answered, as businesslike as possible.

"Hi Detective, it's Meredith," the familiar airy voice filled her phone's speaker. The sound was loud and unpleasant enough that she was tempted to pull it away from her ear. But she didn't.

"Oh, hi," she said, confused as to why this woman was calling her and how she even got her cell phone number. "Is everything okay?" What she wanted more than anything was to get Meredith off the phone, but her worry that she hadn't heard anything at all from Rick all day trumped that, and she needed to find out if this call was somehow related.

"Just fine, I just wanted to ask you something."

"Okay, can it wait? This isn't really the best time. I can call you back later."

"Just a quick question. I wanted you to know that I heard what you said to me the other day, and I know I haven't done right by Alexis in the past. I want to make up for that if I can, and I thought of something that might help, but you're obviously closer to the situation than I am, so I wanted to ask your opinion before I went ahead and did it. Believe me, Detective, the last thing I want to do is make things worse for her than I already have."

Intrigued, because all of a sudden Meredith sounded like a human being, and not a completely self-centered one, she got up from her desk and started for the break room, not especially wanting to be overheard. "What did you have in mind?"

"If I talked to Patrick, I think I could get him to give her a call. If she still wants to get in touch with him, that is."

Kate sighed, not sure what to say to this. "Look, I know you're trying to help, and I appreciate that, but things are good between her and Rick right now." But as soon as it was out of her mouth, she realized that she didn't know if it was true. She hadn't been in touch with either of them all day, and she didn't know what, if anything, this article had done to change the situation.

"Well, that's why I called you. So you don't think I should?"

"No, I don't know." She knew how heartbroken Alexis had been when the man who apparently was her biological father had refused to see her in LA, and if a call from him might repair some of that damage, who was she to deny Alexis that opportunity? But at the same time, from the little she knew about this man, it seemed to her that Alexis was better off without him in her life. "What makes you think he'd do it?"

"I have my ways," she said simply. "Just tell me if you think it would help, and leave the rest to me."

"I… yes. If he was willing to call her and the call went well, then yes, I think it would help. But only if it went well. I don't want her to have to go through the first time she met him all over again."

"No, of course not. But, Detective, do you really think he would go to the trouble of calling if that was what he had in mind?"

She had to admit that Meredith had a point. When Alexis had gone to see him, he'd acted like he didn't want anything to do with her. But if he was actually the one to initiate a call, this couldn't be the case. "Go ahead and set it up," she granted. "But don't tell Alexis unless you're absolutely sure that he's going to call. As a matter of fact, don't tell her at all. I don't want you to get her hopes up and then have it not happen."

"Okay. Good," Meredith said, sounding relieved. "I'll do it."

She nodded. "Good." She had next to no faith that this was going to work, that Meredith would really talk to him and that this Patrick would really call her, as in her mind neither party was at all reliable. But Meredith's intentions seemed to be pure, and that was something. "Now, if that's all, I really need to get back to work."

"That's all. Thank you… for helping me to make this up to her."

She found herself nodding, even though Meredith couldn't see. "Thank you for wanting to."

She headed back to her paperwork, trying to erase the call from her mind, as she was sure that nothing was going to come of it and she needed to focus on what she was doing so that she could finish it faster. She thought briefly about sending Rick another text, but decided if he either couldn't or didn't want to answer the first one, sending another wouldn't change anything. She wouldn't let herself start inventing worst-case-scenarios. Instead, she attacked the remainder of the mind-numbing work with new energy, aware that the sooner she finished it, the sooner she could go to the loft and find out for sure what was happening.

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><p><strong>AN: **I'm in a long-winded mood today, apparently. That hasn't happened in awhile AN-wise, so I'll go with it. Feel free to ignore if you find that it's getting annoying. :P

I'm not sure if I've written Gates yet. But even if I have, this was definitely the first time I've written her in such a long scene. So that was interesting. I like trying to write new characters, if you haven't picked up on that. And I think I'm finally comfortable enough with her that I feel like I can do her some amount of justice. So I liked that scene. Hopefully I captured her well.

Oh, and right. I guess that ending there probably qualifies as a cliffhanger, doesn't it? Would I also be justified in betting that you probably weren't expecting any more cliffhangers from this story? Hmm, sorry about that. (Lies, no I'm not. It's fun.) As I think I said above though, I'm pretty close to done with the next chapter, so I'll at least throw you a rope or something before too long.

Thanks for reading, and reviews are awesome!


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: **This chapter took longer than I wanted it to. Sorry about that. I wanted to post it yesterday, but I ended up not being home for most of the day, which I didn't foresee, and then it was being difficult about being edited, so today it is. Anyway. Enjoy!

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><p>Even with Ryan and Esposito's help, it was close to nine before she'd finished her mountain of paperwork and was finally able to leave the precinct. She wasn't sure whether to be more worried or annoyed that Rick had never answered her text. She was leaning toward annoyance, bordering, now, on anger. How hard would it have been to type up a quick lie ("Yeah, I'm fine.") to help her get through the day a bit more smoothly? It was exhausting, worrying about someone.<p>

She tried calling him as soon as she got to her car, but it went straight to voicemail. With a frustrated sigh, she took off toward the loft. As soon as she got there Rick answered the door, smiling brightly. "Kate, hey. What are you doing here?"

She had the immediate urge to hit him. But she opted to yell instead. "What the hell, Castle? Why didn't you text me back?"

He frowned, confused. "Last night? I did."

She rolled her eyes, annoyed with him for making her remember something cute when she was determined to be pissed at him. "No, not last night, today."

"I didn't get any texts from you today." His eyes widened as he remembered something, and he explained. "Oh, I turned my phone off."

She was skeptical of this excuse. "You never turn your phone off. It's like a permanent attachment."

He took a step back from the door. "Come inside."

She did, although she refused to wipe the scowl from her face. He looked mildly amused as he led her to the couch. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't come to the precinct today, if that's what you're upset about. I know I told you I would, but some things came up."

"I'm not _upset_," she said, taking a seat, "I'm annoyed. But not about that. I know why you weren't there. I read the article."

"Oh." He sat down beside her and nodded. "Okay. How'd you happen to see it?"

"Gates showed it to me."

He frowned, clearly surprised by that answer. "How did _she_ see it?"

"The press called, trying to get an interview with me. She told them no, obviously, but she figured out I wasn't sick."

"Ah." He grimaced. "No wonder you're mad at me. What happened?"

She shrugged. "Just more paperwork than I've ever seen in my life and a crabby captain. Nothing I can't handle. I'm not mad about that, at least not at you. Unless you told the reporter to write the article, but I seriously doubt that."

"No," he sighed, "I definitely did not."

"I didn't really think so."

"Well then, fill me in. Why _are _you mad at me?"

"Why'd you turn off your phone?"

"Gina. She kept calling me, trying to get a statement so the press can do an official story. She's about the last person I want to talk to about any of this, so I just shut my phone off."

"But when you actually turn it off, it stops everyone from being able to contact you, not just the people you're trying to avoid."

He raised an eyebrow. "Thanks for the update. I'll remember that. What is wrong?"

She couldn't understand why he wasn't getting it, but she realized that she wasn't exactly being direct, either. She sighed. "I texted you earlier to tell you I saw the article and to see if you were okay, and you never answered me. You _always_ answer me. Last night I didn't even really expect you to, and you did within like a minute. But then today I ask if you're okay and you don't say _anything_. What was I supposed to think? I was worried about you, Castle!"

He smiled and tried to touch her hand, but she jerked away before he could. "Hey," he said, trying to look serious, but not managing to fully wipe away the fond and slightly patronizing smile. "I'm fine. See? No reason to worry."

"But how hard would it have been to call and tell me that?"

"You're right," he said, the same smile still frozen on his lips. "I'm sorry. I should've called."

"Yeah, you should've. I don't wanna read about you in the paper and then not be able to get in touch with you. I thought we were more than that."

"We _are_ more than that. I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"It better not." She allowed her face relax a little, her frown to soften. "So you're really okay?"

He nodded. "I'm really okay. You're right, I didn't want this to end up in the press, but I figured it would eventually, and I'm used to this stuff."

She nodded. "How do you think they found out?"

"The journalist was on our plane. Heard us talking."

"You know that, or you just made it up?"

He chuckled. "I know that. I have a contact at that paper, she told me."

"So, are you gonna confirm the story to get them off your back?"

"You think that would help? No, they'd just keep hounding me with more questions. I'm not confirming anything. My business is my business."

"What about Gina?"

"Same concept applies."

"But you're gonna have to turn your phone back on eventually."

"And, eventually, she'll get the message and stop calling."

"How's Alexis taking it?"

"What?"

"The article. I can't imagine she's thrilled. You signed up for this stuff when you became a writer. She didn't."

"She doesn't know."

Kate frowned. "What?"

"She hasn't seen it. And I don't want her to."

"You didn't even tell her about it?"

"No."

"Wouldn't you rather her hear it from you than from someone else? Or read it in the paper?"

"I threw out our paper."

"Castle."

"What? I did."

"Fine, but that wasn't the only paper out there. You know how this works better than I do. People she knows, her friends, her teachers, will read it, and then they'll ask her about it. She's gonna find out."

"It's not like it was a front page story. It was just a little blurb on page six."

"Yeah, but people still read those. You've gotta at least tell her so she's not blindsided."

He sighed. "Yeah, you're right. I will."

"Need any help?"

"No, I got it."

"Okay. Is she here?"

"After nine on a school night?" He smiled. "Yeah, she's here. She's in her room. Said she had a lot of work to catch up on."

"I know the feeling," she muttered, remembering the way she'd spent her day a little too clearly. "Can I go say hi, or do you think she's busy?"

"I think even if she's busy you should go say hi. You know where her room is, go on up."

Alexis's door was open, but she was sitting at her desk with her back to it, so Kate knocked on the frame to announce herself.

The teenager turned around and smiled when she saw who it was. "Oh, hey Kate. What are you doing here? You and my dad having your date tonight?"

She smiled and shook her head. "No, not tonight. I just got done with work and I wanted to come say hi."

The girl's face changed. She dropped the smile and raised her eyebrows. "You read the article," she guessed.

Kate frowned and stepped inside the room. "Your dad told me you didn't know about that."

She rolled her eyes. "Please. It was the talk of the school today."

"I thought maybe." She walked over to the desk and rested her hand on the back of Alexis's chair. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Yep. I have a ton of schoolwork to get done, I don't have time to worry about what people are saying about me."

That was a line if Kate had ever heard one, but she didn't think there was any point in telling Alexis that. "Okay," she said instead. "But if you get time and you wanna talk… I'm around."

"Thanks."

"Any time. I'll let you get back to your homework. Just wanted to pop in for a sec." She dropped her hand and started to walk away.

"Maybe I have had time to think about it," Alexis sighed.

Kate stopped in her tracks and felt a sympathetic smile creeping across her face. "Oh yeah?"

She shrugged.

"What did you come up with?"

"Just that it sucks."

"I bet."

"Well, you'd know, right? You were in the article too."

"Yeah, but not the same way. And they weren't even sure it was me."

"They weren't sure about much, but that doesn't stop people from talking."

"True. "

"So what were they saying?"

Kate frowned. "About me?"

"Yeah."

She shrugged, no sure what that had to do with anything. "No big deal. My captain figured out why I'd been missing work, and she wasn't thrilled, but she'll get over it. That's really all that happened. What about you?"

"Just a lot of people saying stupid things. Are you sorry you did it?"

"Did what?"

"Came to California with us. Since you got in trouble."

"Not even a little." She sat down on the edge of Alexis's bed. "Why do you keep changing the subject?"

"Why do _you_ keep changing the subject?" Alexis countered.

"Because this isn't about me, and you keep trying to make it."

"Then what is it about?"

"Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like you're trying to say something but you keep changing your mind."

She shrugged, which Kate took as a yes.

"Are you gonna make me guess? Because I can do that." She remembered being a teenager. Remembered the tactic of skirting around the subject that she really wanted to talk about, getting close but never reaching it, not without a prod. Her mother had never fallen for it. She'd been good at taking what clues she was offered, guessing at the heart of the matter, and providing that prod. She wondered if she'd inherited that gift. "What kinds of stupid things?" she guessed.

Now it was Alexis's turn to consider Kate, a little confused. "What?"

"You said there were a lot of people at school saying stupid things. Like what?"

She sighed, and Kate could tell that she'd guessed correctly. "Like… I heard one girl telling her friends that she always knew we weren't really related… because we don't look enough alike." She blushed and then stared at the carpet. "Actually, she said I wasn't pretty enough to be his daughter."

Kate felt a sudden flash of anger that she couldn't attribute to anything logical. She wanted to know who this girl was so that she could track her down and strangle her, or at least hit her. Hard. But she regained control of her reason quickly enough to realize that it would be better not to even ask. Assaulting a high school girl shouldn't be on, or anywhere near, her to-do list. "You know that's just stupid high school stuff, right?" she asked instead. "Girls just say stuff like that to be mean, because they think they're supposed to, or it'll make people like them, or something. It's all ridiculous. And there's no truth to it. Whatsoever."

"I know," she said, still staring at the floor.

"God, I remember when I was your age, I couldn't wait to graduate. I was so tired of everyone in my school. Even some of my friends. I was just… ready for something new."

Alexis looked up and half-smiled at Kate. "Yeah. More now than before, I think."

"Just a few more months," Kate reminded her. "Then you're out of there."

She nodded. "Should I have noticed?" she asked softly.

"Noticed? Noticed what?"

"That I don't really look like my dad. I mean, I never even suspected, not even for a minute. Shouldn't I have?"

Kate frowned. "No. There's no reason you would've."

"When you first met us… you didn't ever think, you know, like, 'that's weird, they don't look anything alike'?"

"Never. Especially since you do look a lot like your grandmother."

She shrugged. "Coincidence, I guess."

"I guess." She sighed, still bothered by what that girl had said. "Don't you have friends who can, like, beat the crap out of the stupid people?"

Alexis raised her eyebrows, surprised. "You're serious?"

"Kind of."

She laughed. "Yeah, I have friends, but I'm sure they're all talking about me too, they just have the decency not to do it in front of me."

Kate let out a humorless little chuckle as well. "Yep, I remember high school. It does get better, I promise."

"Good."

"You sure you're okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Thanks for the talk."

"Any time. Just give me a call."

"That's so nice."

"It's not a problem." She got up and tapped the textbook on Alexis's desk. "I'll let you get back to that now."

"Okay. I'll see you later?"

Kate nodded. "Soon."

When she went back downstairs, the first person she met was not Rick, as she expected, but Martha. "Kate, darling," the older woman greeted her, surprised but smiling, "Richard didn't tell me you were here.

She frowned, not sure why he wouldn't have told her. "Oh, well, I am. I was just talking to Alexis."

"For quite awhile," Rick noted as he entered the room. "If you two do much more bonding I'll have to start worrying about you plotting against me."

"Yeah, well. She's a good kid."

"I know. I'm glad you're getting along so well."

"Is this going to become a pattern?" Martha asked, looking from her son to the detective.

Kate shrugged. "Maybe." She was afraid to say she hoped so, but she was thinking it.

Rick smiled. "I'd like it to."

She bit her lip and nodded. "Me too. Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Yeah, of course." He looked at her expectantly.

She glanced at Martha, who still seemed to be in the conversation. But there was really no reason she couldn't say this to Rick with his mother here, so she did. "Alexis knows about the article."

"Oh." For a second he looked disappointed, like he'd expected her to say something different, but soon the father part of him took over and he frowned. "Are you sure?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure. She told me. Apparently the whole school was talking about it."

"Richard," Martha interjected in a tired sort of voice, "you didn't honestly think she wasn't going to hear, did you?"

"See?" he asked Kate, frustrated. "You're here for an hour, and already it's two against one."

"Oh, we're not plotting against you," Martha said before Kate could reply. "We're simply smarter than you are."

Kate laughed at his affronted face. "She'll be fine. It wouldn't hurt for you to talk to her though."

He nodded. "Of course. Can I ask you something now?"

She nodded. "Sure."

"What are you doing tomorrow night?"

"Probably working all night if Gates has anything to say about it. Why?"

"Well, I thought maybe we could have that date that was talked about."

She smiled. "I'd like that. But I don't know when I'm gonna get done with work."

"Well, that's okay. I'll be there."

She looked at him skeptically.

"I really will this time," he insisted.

"You'll brave the media frenzy?"

He smiled. "Just for you."

"Alright," Martha said dryly, "I think it's time for me to take my leave. Nice to see you again, Kate."

She laughed. "Have a good night, Martha."

The older woman nodded and left the room, leaving her alone with Rick once again.

"So I thought we'd just go grab a bite to eat somewhere," he said. "Nothing too fancy, just a relaxing evening out."

"That sounds perfect. But, how is that any different from every other time we've grabbed dinner after work?"

"Um… this time it'll be planned?"

She smiled. "I guess that counts."

"Did you have something else in mind? That would make it… different?"

She looked away coyly and twisted a strand of hair around her finger. "Well… if you kissed me goodnight… that would be different."

"Yes," he mused, looking at her with just the slightest bit of awkwardness. "It certainly would."

She half-smiled. "I'm gonna go. But I'll see you tomorrow."

"One more thing, before you go."

"Yeah?"

"Just a quick question."

"Shoot."

"If I kissed you goodnight now… would that make this a date? Hypothetically speaking, of course."

She shook her head. "No, I don't think so."

"So… what _would_ it make this?"

God, his eyes were blue. Had they always been this blue? "Different," she said softly.

"Hm." He looked a little unsure, which amused her, as she was used to the unbearably cocky version of Castle. "Different enough to get me slapped? Hypothetically?"

She laughed. "I don't know. I think you'd just have to try it and see. Hypothetically."

He took a step toward her that was most definitely not hypothetical. She did the same, closing the distance between them, and the next thing she knew his lips were on hers. "Goodnight, detective," he whispered, his words tingling against her cheek.

"Goodnight, Rick." She smiled, her bottom lip catching between her teeth, before she turned to go.

"You didn't hit me," he called after her.

She glanced back at him. "Very observant. See you tomorrow."

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><p><strong>AN:** Just one more chapter to go! (I think.) Reviews, please? Thanks for reading!


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: **This is it, guys. Last chapter. Enjoy!

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><p>"I still can't believe you rented a limo," Kate remarked as she got in the car outside of the restaurant.<p>

"Well, you were right. I had to do something to make it different from every other time we've gone out after work. I figured this would work." He got in beside her, and the driver closed the door.

"It doesn't seem a little ridiculous to you that we're riding in a limo to and from a place that serves hamburgers wearing the same clothes that we wore to work?"

He shrugged. "No. Not really."

"Well, how do I argue with that?"

"You can't." He smiled, and the car started moving. "Can I ask you something?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Yeah. Sure."

"What did you do?"

Kate frowned. "What do you mean?"

"When we were in LA. When you went to get Alexis's things. You talked to Meredith, didn't you?"

Her heartbeat sped up. This night had been going so well. The food was good, the company was great, and since they knew one another so well there was none of the typical first date awkwardness. Why, now that it was coming to a close, did he have to bring up the one point that had the potential to ruin it all? Just to remind her of what she already knew so well, that nothing good could ever last? "Do we have to talk about this now?" she asked.

He smiled. "I guess you did talk to her, then. It's not a bad thing. I actually wanted to thank you."

She frowned, remembering the last conversation she'd had with Meredith. "Thank me? For what?"

"Meredith called Alexis today. She apologized to her for keeping that secret from her for so long, and she told her she wanted to be more a part of her life."

Kate felt her eyes widen. When Rick had asked her if she'd spoken to Meredith, that conversation was not the one she'd recalled. And she certainly hadn't expected that the woman would go as far as to do those things. Although necessary, an apology had seemed far-fetched, even as she'd suggested it.

"What did you say to her?" Rick asked.

"Uh… what makes you think I said anything?"

He smiled. "Your face, for one. And for another… Meredith is not a bad person. She never was, and she really hasn't changed. But the thing about Meredith is that she's very… of one mind. She sees things the way that she sees them, and it's almost impossible to convince her that there are other points of view out there, let alone that they might make a little more sense than hers. She doesn't apologize. She doesn't… regret. She doesn't change. The fact that she's even thinking that she might have had something wrong… she couldn't have gotten there on her own. And there was a time when I would've sworn that there wasn't a person alive who could get her there." He looked at her with that characteristic sparkle in his eye, and allowed his face to fill in the rest of the thought, the part that he didn't speak.

"I didn't do that much," she insisted. "I just… I might've mentioned that lying to her, and to you, for all those years wasn't exactly right."

"Yeah, I've seen you mention things to people who've upset you. You can get pretty persuasive."

"I didn't yell at her," she said.

"I believe you."

He'd said that so earnestly, with so much sincerity and so much trust that she felt something tug inside of her, and as much as she wanted to avoid a fight tonight, as much as she wanted everything to be perfect, she couldn't help but take it back. "I _might've_ yelled at her. A little."

He didn't say anything right away, he just kept looking at her, his expression totally unchanging.

They sat in silence for less than a minute, but she soon found that she couldn't take it anymore. "Should I not have done that?" she finally asked. "Are you mad?"

He shook his head, but suddenly seemed mute, a trait that she'd never known Rick Castle to possess.

"Will you please tell me what you're thinking?"

"I was just thinking…" he started, proceeding slowly, cautiously, "that you're perfect."

She was a hair's breadth away from rolling her eyes. "What?"

"I'm serious. I mean, I don't have to tell you how many other women I've had relationships with, do I?"

She frowned. "Definitely not."

He smirked. "Wait 'til you see where I'm going before you get mad, okay? With every other woman I've ever gotten close to, close enough that Alexis was part of the equation, like Gina, hell, even Meredith, I've had to practically force them to spend time with her, just simply to get to know her. And then there's you. I've seen you with her these past few days. You really care about her. And it's not like you're doing it for my benefit. We've had one date, and it's not even over yet. Who knows what's going to happen? But as much as I want this to work out, you and me, and that's a lot… for once in my life, I'm not worried about how whatever does or doesn't happen between us will affect her. Because I've seen the way you act around her. You care about her as a person, her own person, not just as my daughter. And that's… just… perfect. I love you for that."

She let his speech absorb, but she couldn't think of anything to say in response that she hadn't already said ten thousand times. It was no problem. It wasn't as big a deal as he was making it out to be. And she found herself distracted by his last sentence. He'd come within two words of a phrase that really would have changed things between them, but those last two words… she wasn't sure what to do with them. _For that._ They were two simple words that shouldn't have had so much potential to alter a meaning, and yet…

"And not just for that," he amended, his very blue eyes boring into hers. "I love you. In general."

She smiled. "In… general?" Two more simple words that seemed, somehow, to take away from the first three. But now, at least, she knew what he was trying to say.

"No. I just…" He sighed, and prepared to start over.

"Rick?" she interrupted, deciding to put him out of his misery.

"Yeah?"

"I love you too."

He leaned in and kissed her then, and, wordsmith though he might've been, she gleaned more meaning from the pressure of his lips against hers, the sound of his breath, and the taste of his tongue, than could've come from any sentence he'd managed to string together.

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><p>She'd been spending time with Castle every night after work for almost a week straight now, excepting one very long day when she'd gone straight home and fallen asleep on the couch for an hour before managing to drag herself to bed. It was nice having someone to spend the evenings with, even if all they did was watch TV. It gave her something to look forward to at the end of the day, rather than just retiring to an empty apartment.<p>

He showed up at the precinct on Saturday morning with two cups of coffee, as usual, but he was stressing about a deadline for his next novel that he was about to miss, and she didn't really need him for anything, so she sent him home to work on it, promising that she'd meet him at his place when she was done with work.

They'd wrapped up a case the day before, so today she was just finishing the related paperwork, and she managed to finish up so that she could leave a little early and went straight to the loft.

Rick answered the door when she rang the bell. "Kate," he greeted her, a little surprised but smiling. "I didn't expect you this early."

"I'm still welcome, I hope?" she teased, because she knew the answer.

"Of course." He kissed her cheek. "You're always welcome."

"How's the writing coming?"

"It's… coming."

She eyed him sternly, although she was only half-serious. "Hey, I let you out of paperwork today. You better tell me you got something done."

"I definitely got _something_ done, just not as much as I hoped. But it's okay. I'll catch up."

She smiled. "I'm not worried. So, what's going on at chez Castle this evening?" She took a step past him and into the apartment, trying to see who was around.

"They're here," he told her. "Alexis is upstairs, and Hurricane Martha is around somewhere. So be on the alert."

She laughed. "Will do. I know I'm early, so do you want to get back to writing? I can sit there and distract you every five minutes like you do when I'm trying to work."

He smirked. "I don't know how much more I'll get done, but that does sound fun. Let's go."

But just as they started toward Rick's office, Alexis and Martha came down the stairs. "Oh look, Alexis," Martha said, "Kate's here. You'll have another buffer."

She raised an eyebrow. "Buffer? For what?"

"It's no big deal," Alexis said, blushing. "I just need to tell Dad something. And I don't need a _buffer_." She smiled. "But I am glad you're here. Why don't we sit down?"

Rick frowned. "Gram thinks you need a buffer _and_ we need to sit down first? This is sounding less and less like something I'm gonna want to hear."

Alexis sighed. "I told you, it's no big deal. I just thought sitting would be more comfortable. But if you'd rather keep standing here, that's fine too."

He looked at Kate, who raised her eyebrows at him, and he sighed. "Okay, let's sit down." He led the way to the living room and sat down in the middle of the couch. Alexis sat on one side of him and Kate on the other. Martha selected a nearby chair. "So, what did you want to tell me?"

"I, um, got an interesting call today."

"Oh? Who from?"

"Patrick Jenson," she said the name quickly, as though hoping he wouldn't remember it. Kate tried not to register her surprise. Not only had Meredith come through on her promise to ask him to call, but he'd come through and actually done it. "But, um, he normally goes by Pat."

"Patrick Jenson," Rick repeated, turning the name over on his tongue until he did remember it. "That's the guy you tried to see in LA." That phrasing seemed strange to Kate. What he hadn't said was glaring.

Apparently Alexis noticed this as well. "Yeah," she said slowly. "My, um, my biological father."

Rick's face seemed to harden a bit, although she didn't think he'd intended that. "I know. What did he want?"

"He just… wanted to talk to me. He said he was sorry he chased me away last week, he was just surprised. Which makes sense. I probably shouldn't have showed up unannounced like I did. He said that he didn't mind talking to me a little, but he didn't want his whole life derailed, and I said that was fine because I don't want that either. He told me he hadn't known about me, but I knew that. And then we just kind of talked a little. He told me about his job and his family, and I told him a little about my college plans, and you, and… that was it." She continued to stare at Rick, her father, gauging his expression. "Are you mad?"

He softened immediately. "No, sweetie. Of course not." He squeezed her shoulder. "I wonder how he got your number?"

"Mom, I guess? She's really been trying to mend fences lately. It's weird, for her, but… I think it's good."

He nodded. "Yeah. It is good. Do you think you'll talk to him again?"

She took a second to answer the question, a contemplative frown on her face. "I don't know. I have his number now, but… I kind of doubt I'll ever use it. I already have a dad. I'm not looking for another one. I guess I just… wanted him to know that I exist. And I feel a little better now that I know he isn't a completely terrible person."

When Alexis had started talking, Kate had expected that she'd feel the need to jump in, to explain that Meredith had called her and she'd told her it was okay to have Patrick call Alexis. But now she wasn't sure. It seemed like admitting this would change the course of this entire conversation. It would make it about something that it shouldn't be about. She was glad, now, that she'd told Meredith to go ahead and set this up. It had been good for Alexis. That was what she'd hoped. But she certainly wasn't looking for praise. This had been Meredith's idea, not hers. And she didn't want the Castles to feel like Meredith had thought she'd needed Kate's permission to do this, although in a way she had. It was better not to say anything when there was nothing that really needed to be said.

"Okay," Rick finally said, although he looked a little uncomfortable. "I'm glad, then."

"You're sure you're not mad?"

"I'm sure."

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm… glad Mom lied to you. When I was a baby. Maybe it was wrong, but I can't imagine a better family than I have now."

Without another word, Castle hugged his daughter tightly. When he pulled away again, Kate could've sworn she saw a tear in his eye, but he blinked and it was gone.

"Who's hungry?" Martha asked, ending the moment. "I'll start dinner."

"Let me help," Kate offered, thinking to allow Rick and Alexis a little alone time.

"Me too," Alexis said, ruining that idea. "I need a break from my homework anyway."

"Well, then we might as well make it a family project," Rick said, getting up and starting toward the kitchen.

"I'm not family," Kate reminded him.

"Sure you are," he argued as Alexis nodded and Martha smiled.

It wasn't a point that she wanted to argue, and she could tell that she'd be overpowered if she tried, so she didn't, and instead followed the other three to the kitchen. She fell into the task of chopping vegetables as Alexis grated cheese, Rick cooked chicken, and Martha glided around the kitchen overseeing everything and occasionally commenting on what they were doing. And she began to think that maybe he was right. Maybe family wasn't about being related by blood or genetics. Maybe it wasn't about living under the same roof. Maybe it was just about caring about one another, and spending time together. Helping each other out when it was necessary, and even when it wasn't. These three people, Martha, Rick, and Alexis, they were definitely a family. And maybe, it was possible, that she was a part of it.

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><p><strong>AN: **Annnd that's a wrap. Of the strangest, and, interestingly enough, most popular story that I've ever written. Considering that this started as a random thing on my hard drive that I REALLY didn't think anyone but me would ever even see... I'm pretty amazed by the fact that it turned into a 20-chapter story that quite a few people actually read, and apparently liked. :) Thanks so much for all your feedback. It's been incredible, and there's no way that I would have finished this without it. I know I always say that when I finish a story... but it's completely true.

I've had a few inquiries already about whether I'm gonna write a sequel to this. And here's my answer. I'm not planning on it. I have lots of plans for other stories (as almost always...), but at the moment that isn't in the works. I can see how this story ended in a place where there might be room for a sequel someday... but for the foreseeable future (which is... at least a week..), this story is over. Hope you enjoyed the ride! :)

Quick reminder... this is your very last chance to review this story, because there aren't going to be any more chapters. So take advantage? Pretty please? Okay, I'm done.

Thanks for reading!


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